Don't Cry
by Livybug
Summary: After Clary finds out the man she loves died in Afganistan, she has to learn to cope with just her memories. But is he really gone forever? R&R Plz!
1. Playlist

_**I apologize this didn't come sooner to those of you who have already read the story. And i apologize again that the list doesn't have songs for chapters 15-20. I didn't listen to a lot of music for those chapters. So feel free to let me know if you had any songs you thought would work and i'll add them to the list!**_

_**Thanks for those of you who are still reading and reviewing. I read them all and they make me smile!**_

_**xoxo LivyBug**_

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><p>Don't Cry Playlist<p>

Chapter 1~ We're gonna be friends-The White Stripes

Chapter 2~ Good Riddance (Time of your life)-Green Day

Chapter 3~ When it Rains-Paramore

Best Friends-Amy Winehouse

Chapter 4~ That Time-Regina Spektor

Chapter 5~ Chances-Five for Fighting

Chapter 6~ Hello-Evanescence

Just a Dream-Carrie Underwood

Storm-Lifehouse

Chapter 7~ Here Without You-3 Doors Down

Hold it Against me-Brittany Spears

Never Felt this Way-Brian McKnight

Chapter 8~ Far Away from Where you are-Lifehouse

Your body is a Wonderland-John Mayer

Chapter 9~ Incomplete-Backstreet Boys

All that I'm asking for-Lifehouse

Chapter 10~ Without you Here-Goo Goo Dolls

These are the Moments-Edwin McCain

It Will Rain-Bruno Mars

Chapter 11~ Broken-Lifehouse

Arms Wide open-Creed?

Iris-Goo Goo Dolls

Chapter 12~ Possibility-Lykke Li

I wonder-Kellie Pickler(song for Jocelyn)

Bittersweet Symphony-The Verve

Chapter 13~ Through the Glass-Stone Sour

Kryptonit-3 Doors Down (Simon's Song)

Chapter 14~ Fix You-Coldplay


	2. Prologue

**O.K. So new story...I'm a little worried about this one. When writing about war i feel there is a very fine line since it hits home for so many at the current time. So feedback is GREATLY needed on this...I apologize if anyone feels offended as it is not my intention. Clary and Jace screamed this at me and I felt it should be writtend down.**

**************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__**************

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

Never in a million years did she think that this was where she would have ended up. The way everything started wouldn't make anyone else think that either. As she sat with Celine, a numb feeling crept over her while they read the letter…yeah a fucking letter.

**_Mr. and Mrs. Herondale,_**

**_Our sincerest apologies go out to you and your family at this trying time. We regret to inform you that your son, Jonathon Christopher Herondale, has been killed while serving his country. He was a brave soldier and will be greatly missed. Please accept this flag as our token of appreciation to one of the finest men of duty I have ever met._**

**_Sincerely,_**

**_Major General_**

**_Hodge Starkweather_**

Honestly, our friends and family go off to war and when they don't come back we get a letter and a flag? It enraged Clary to the core. Jace was…gone and never coming back. What was she going to do now? They were going to get married…and the baby…would never know how great its daddy really was. She couldn't take it anymore. Clary had to get out! She looked around the room and it suddenly felt like it was closing in on her. She ran to the one place she felt she could let it all out, their place.

"I hate you! How could you leave me like this? What am I supposed to do now?" The numb was gone and now the pain ripped through Clary like a chainsaw. He promised, he swore to her he would come back. He lied to her. Deep down inside she knew she was wrong. That Jace would never willingly leave her, not like this.

Clary had managed to calm herself somewhat. She kept telling herself that she had to keep calm for the baby. She couldn't lose Jace and the only part of him she had left. She let the swing drift back and forth, soothing her some what as she remembered the first time they met. It made her smile.

~oOo~

Clary was six and it was the summer before she would start first grade. Jocelyn, her mother, had become irritated with her whining and sent her outside to play. She groaned and stuck out a pouty lip but did as she was told. Jocelyn always pushed Clary aside when she was working. A new painting or sculpture for an upcoming show was usually more important. Clary was too young to fully understand but she understood very well that it took her mommy away from her.

Valentine, her dad, was around more and set aside time specifically for him and Clary. She loved it because it was like they lived in their own little world. Jocelyn found it repulsive and never failed to express her opinion about it to her father but, he didn't care. He was at work at this point, though and she would rather play outside than get yelled at.

Clary moped as she pushed open the sliding glass door that led to the backyard. She closed the door behind her and watched her silver sparkly shoes that matched her pink and silver dress as she made her way to the swing set while pulling gently on her braided pig tails. She was fighting tears now but, even as young as she was, she still hated crying.

When she looked up at her swing set, a blonde boy was perched in her favorite swing. She knew that new people had moved in next door. She had heard her mother talking to some lady last night. Anger shot through her now though, who did he think he was?

"Hey, that's my swing!" she shouted. The boy looked up in surprise. She could see he was a little older than her but not by much.

He narrowed his eyes on her and chimed, "I don't see your name on it, Red." Clary's hands flew to her hips and she scowled at him. This was HER swing set. In HER back yard. What made him think he could be here anyway?

"MY name is Clary…NOT. Red and you're in MY yard."

The boy shrugged and pushed himself back and forth with a coy smirk. Clary stomped passed him and he laughed at her. She got the best of him though. She stood behind him and waited until the swing came closer to her. When it did, she pushed with all her might, sending the blonde boy face first into the dirt. The swing swayed back and forth over his unmoving body while she stood triumphantly with her arms crossed. The boy got up slowly with a groan but quickly spun to face her. She gasped at the sight. The front of his white t-shirt was covered in blood and it seemed to be coming from his chin. He wasn't crying…did he even know? Well, he found out when he looked down and saw his nice clean shirt now covered in dirt and blood. His face twisted in disgust as he tried to brush the dirt away.

"I…I'm…"

"I'll get your for this, Red," he cut her off and stomped home holding his bloody chin.

Later that night the boy's mother had called Jocelyn and of course Clary got in trouble. Now she hated the little bastard even more! Jocelyn had said the boy had to have stitches. O.K. so Clary did feel a little bad bu,t it was her swing! Her dad had gone over the importance of sharing with her…again. She hated that because they never did that with her brother, Jonathan, and he never shared.

The next day when Clary went out to play, that damn boy was on her swing again. He just loved to irritate her! He sat with his hand grasping the chain of the swing kicking at the dirt and looked up when he saw her coming at him. He didn't say anything, just smiled. She hated him and she would push him off the swing again but she heard dad's words in her head. 'Clary, little girls don't do things like that. It's not proper.' She didn't want to disappoint her dad so she decided to try a different approach.

"Hey stitches," she yelled. "Back for more?"

"My name's Jace, Red, and my mom said I could play here."

"FINE, you can play here but that is my swing!" she pointed.

"So…"

"So get off!"

Of course he didn't, Jace wouldn't be Jace if he did what other people wanted him to do. Even at a young age he never did what he was told. Which was why Clary could never understand how he did so well in the Marines, Jace never took orders…from anyone. So, of course they fought and this time it was Clary that got hurt. She had scraped her knee up pretty good and Jace banged up his elbow. So needless to say when Jocelyn got a second call she was more than furious. She invited Jace and his family over for dinner. Ugh! Now she had to share her food with him too?

Jace's dad Stephen and Clary's dad hit it off well. They both had a passion for football that kept them locked in conversation almost all night. Jace's mom Celine had followed Jocelyn to her studio upstairs to look at her art which left Jace, Jonathan and Clary all by themselves. Jace and Jonathan were a year apart, Jonathan being the older of the two. They seemed to get along well enough. You know little boys, big trucks and G.I Joe.

Clary retreated to her room to color. She didn't want any part in this. She couldn't wait for school to start and the snow to fly so she didn't have to see Jace hogging her swing. Their parents thought if they could show the kids they got along, then so would Jace and Clary. They were so wrong. Their fighting continued until the end of summer.

~oOo~

"Clary?" Celine's voice called.

She had pulled Clary from her first memory of Jace and Clary was kind of pissed about it. Her memories were all she had left now and she wanted to savor them. Relive them as many times as she could, even the bad ones. Clary lifted herself from the swing and slid her hands inside her pockets. She began walking toward the house but turned one last time to look at her swing. That swing started it all and she would be forever grateful.

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><p><strong>Whew! O.K. so moment of truth!<strong>

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	3. Frog Prince

**_**O.K. Like I said, they were SCREAMING at me! The beginning will be slow and I apologize if it gets confusing at any point because it cuts back and forth between memories and real time. If you have question plz feel free to ask and I will answer the best I can! **_**

**_**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Clary laid in bed that night after leaving Celine and Stephen's curled up in a ball. Jace had been here just two months prior and the pillow still smelled like him somehow. She ran her hand along her stomach hoping now more than ever, that she would have a boy and that he would look just like his daddy. Jace wanted a boy but all men do, it's like something that's bread into them. 'I must have a boy so I can pass on my name.' Kind of barbaric in Clary's mind but before today she just wanted a healthy baby.

Celine had offered to make up Jace's old room for her but his presence wasn't there, not in that room. He hadn't been there in years and she needed to feel him somehow. He wasn't at their home either. It stung her, she felt abandoned and she couldn't help the blame she put on him. She just wanted to hear his voice one more time, feel his arms around her telling her it would be O.K. like he used to. She wanted to hear him tell her "Don't cry," like he had so many times before and that made it better.

She was officially eight weeks into her pregnancy and she knew that a lot of the emotional shit she was going through had to do with the damn hormones. She was never this emotional. She managed to fall asleep sometime during a fit of tears but a memory had wiggled its way into her dreams…

~oOo~

Clary was in second grade, Jace in third and they had actually become…friends, best friends. They walked to and from school together most days, unless Valentine gave them a ride. Jonathan and Jace officially hated one another and Clary didn't care why. Jonathan was kind of an odd ball. Jace had quickly grown out of trucks and G.I. Joe and he and Clary would wonder around town on their bikes. Usually they could be found at the pond. Clary always had her sketch pad. She had a natural talent, even at a young age, to capture things on paper. Jace had the incredible talent of being good at well…everything, except drawing.

Clary was sitting on a rock by the side of the pond watching Jace as he tried to catch a frog. The frog was getting the best of him but if Clary knew Jace…and she did know him pretty well, he would catch that frog if it was the last thing he did and why? Because Clary told him to leave the poor thing alone, she should have kept her mouth shut.

"Hey Red, if I catch it…" he said hopping from stone to stone. "Will you kiss it?"

"What? Ew!" Clary squealed, shaking her head with a nasty look on her face.

"Awe come on. Maybe it'll turn into a prince for you…" he smirked.

"No! Why would I want a frog prince when I have you stitches?"

Jace hated when she did that. Girls had cooties and Clary laid it on thick just to see his reaction. He made a gagging noise and Clary laughed. This was their usual banter…back and forth, one trying to get a rise out of the other. Neither of them really ever seemed to win. Jace finally caught the damn frog and chased Clary around with it until he had her pinned to the ground sitting on top of her.

"Get off of me stitches!"

"What's the matter Red? It's just a kiss!"

Clary pushed Jace off and the poor frog went flying. Jace snickered and Clary stuck her tongue out at him. Jonathan rode up on his bike, scowled at Jace and gestured Clary over to him.

"Mom wants you home," his dark eyes burned into her. She didn't know if her relationship with Jon had gone sour because of Jace or because he had changed so much.

Clary sighed, "O.K. Hey stitches,"

"I said our mom wants you home. He can stay here."

"I'm not just going to leave him Jon."

Jonathan shot her a nasty look and sped off on his bike. She better move fast or Jonathan would have mom on her butt in a heart- beat. Jace had spun around though, and saw Jonathan speed away. He ran up the mossy hill to meet Clary and his eyes questioned her. She told him what Jonathan said and he of course followed her home. To her surprise, Jocelyn didn't yell at her. Clary actually came home to a turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. That was before things got really bad.

~oOo~

Clary woke in the middle of the night happy with her dream. She had almost forgotten about that damn frog. Had she known then what she knew now, maybe she would have kissed it. If only you could turn back time. She shuffled her slippered feet to the fridge to get some water and dug in the cupboard for some saltines. She was at the point in her pregnancy where morning sickness was a bitch and the only thing keeping her from upchucking was those damn crackers. She was so sick of them now. She munched on them anyway even though she wasn't feeling sick at that very moment.

She wrapped herself in Jace's fleece Jets blanket and fell back to sleep on the couch. Tomorrow would be a long day. She was sure people would be calling like crazy when they found out and that was something she just wasn't ready to deal with. There was only one other person she could tell, completely break down to and that…was Simon. He became her friend in middle school when she and Jace had gone separate paths for a while. Clary always got along better with boys than other girls.

Simon was her rock when Jace was MIA in her life and he would be her rock now. Clary woke to her phone buzzing on the hardwood floor next to her. She rubbed her eyes groggily and saw CELINE roll across the screen. She didn't want to answer, yesterday still felt like a horrible nightmare to her but she did.

"'Lo…" she answered, her voice hoarse and dry. It sounded weak and shattered even to her.

"Hello honey, I just wanted to make sure you were…O.K." O.K….O.K.? Of course she wasn't O.K. but she had to put on her big girl panties and try to be.

"I'm doing the best I can Celine. How are you and Stephen?" She had to ask to be polite but she knew the answer already. Celine broke down on the phone. Jace was the only child. After he was born, Celine was never able to have kids again. She got endometriosis shortly after she had Jace and since he was the only child and the golden boy…he was also a spoiled ass!

"I miss him so much Clary...My baby…he…He's…gone," her voice quivered. Clary had a hard time swallowing the lump in her throat. GOD she hated when Celine cried. This woman was the nicest person Clary had every met and would give the shirt off her back to anyone who needed it. She let Celine cry it out but Clary knew this wouldn't be the last of the sobbing phone calls.

After hanging up with Celine and promising to stop by the house Clary folded the blanket back over her head and sighed. How was she going to handle this? She couldn't do this without Jace. He was always the strong one, whether anyone believed it or not. Clary put on a good front, don't be fooled. She was by no means weak and could handle herself very well but emotional shit was not her thing and now she was surrounded by it.

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><p><strong>Jace: I still can't believe you killed me! It's apauling really.<strong>

**Me: Shut up and put some damn glitter on! **

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**Review it PLZ! I am really gonna need feed back on this one.**


	4. I Love You

**Wow! Thanx for the reviews/alerts you guys. I was worried about this one when I started it and if I hadn't gotten the reviews I wouldnt have kept on with it. But as long as you guys want more...I'll write more...Just let me know!**

As Usual~**_**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

"Hello?"

"S-Simon…?"

"Clary! What's wrong?" He heard the panic in her voice and responded immediately.

"I need you," she sobbed.

"Tell me what what's wrong Clary."

"J-Jace is…gone," her last word was a whisper.

She knew she sounded horrible. If she had to put on a strong face in front of the world then she needed to be able to take off that mask and let it all out to someone, and that someone would be Simon. He had told her he would come right away. She just needed to feel arms around her, someone to tell her she wasn't alone. That it would be O.K. even though she knew deep down, it would never be O.K.

Simon showed up only fifteen minutes after hanging up the phone with her and found her wrapped in Jace's Jets blanket sobbing uncontrollably into his pillow. Clary had only just told Simon that she was pregnant and she had been so happy. The only problem was he also knew that she hadn't had a chance to tell Jace yet. He had told her he would have a mission coming up that could keep him away for a while, but that he would talk to her again as soon as he was able.

It must have been a dangerous mission. He didn't tell Clary anything about it and Simon thought it was probably better that way. See, Jace was a Marine and he was one of those lucky people who were chosen to do the black op's missions. Yup those are the top secret ones that get your ass killed. Simon took giant strides across the room and scooped her up in his arms, holding her tight and close. If he could, he would take away every ounce of pain she ever felt, because that's how much he loved her.

~oOo~

The first time Simon met Clary was in fifth grade. He had just moved from Queens to Brooklyn and it was the middle of the school year. Clary was the first person to make him feel…more than welcome. He had sat at the wrong lunch table…HER lunch table. Well, hers and Jace's anyway. When Clary and Jace walked up to the brown, fake wood table he felt small fingers grasp the back of his head and his face met his stroganoff. He had instantly fallen in love with her then. He sat at their table every day and suffered the same ill fate as well. Until one day she didn't do it.

"Hey stitches, why do you think Harry Potter sits at our table?"

"I don't know. Maybe he likes you, Red."

"Ha! Or maybe he likes you," she giggled.

"And maybe he wants to eat through a straw the rest of his life."

"Um…I'm right here!" Simon chimed. "And I don't particularly like either of you. It's just a place to sit. You got a problem with that…too bad. It's a free country I'll sit where I want."

After Simon had stood up to them, they allowed him to sit there and not be bothered. Eventually he was accepted as a friend, by Clary anyway. Jace wasn't so keen on Simon and the feeling was mutual. Simon knew why on his part, he loved the girl. Jace though…it was different with him, not like the brother thing or the "I like her" thing, they just had a weird bond.

Simon felt he had the upper hand though. Jace was older than them so he was in a different class. He and Clary were able to spend more time together in school and he found that he only lived a block from them so he got some after school time too.

~oOo~

Now sitting like this, holding her in his arms he felt helpless. There was no way he could bring Jace back and no way he could replace him either. He just hoped that by being there made it made her realize how important she was. He would do anything for her, be anything for her. Would that ever be enough though?

Clary pulled away and gave him a fake smile. He knew her well enough to know it wasn't real. She wrapped her arms around his neck burying her face in his black White Stripes t-shirt. He didn't know how long they sat like that. He just knew that he never wanted to let her go. He would hold her until she no longer wanted him to.

XXX

Sitting there in Simon's arms helped. His warmth surrounding her seemed to bring her a little peace. If only it would be enough to make it all go away. If only he could take the pain inside and make it disappear. Clary knew the only person that could do that was Jace and he was never going to be able to do that. She wanted to rip her heart out and burn it. She hated herself for ever loving him with so much…passion, like he was the only person who existed in her world at times.

"I feel like a part of me is missing Si, and that I'll never get it back."

"Clary, I know you won't believe me but it will get better. It's fresh and you're grieving. It's going to take time."

"I never thought anything would be worse than losing my dad but this…this is a million times worse."

"What can I do?"

She sighed, "You're already doing it. Will you come to Celine's with me? She asked me to stop by this afternoon but I don't think I can be there alone with her after yesterday."

"Of course."

"Thanks Si, I'm just gonna go shower. I need to at least try to feel like a normal person."

Simon nodded and she retreated to the bathroom. She turned the water on and let it steam up around her. Jace had told her if she ever forgot, all she had to do was look in the mirror. The steam had glossed over its shiny surface except for the words 'I Love You,' strewn through the center of it. Jace had done it before he left. She didn't know how it stayed this long but she was glad it had.

She stepped into the searing water and let it burn her skin. She wanted to know if it was possible that there was any pain worse than what she was already feeling inside. After a few minutes even the burn stopped as her skin became used to the temperature. She would never get used to living without Jace though.

Even the red tint her skin took faded after she left the shower but her heart would always have a piece missing. She dressed in a pair of dark skinny jeans and a gray long sleeved tee with a pair of black ballet flats. She didn't bother to dry her hair she just let if fall naturally in all its curly glory, that's how Jace liked it.

Clary came out to find Simon leaning forward with his elbows pressed against his knees and his face in his hands. He looked up at her warily and she smiled the best smile she could muster. She found it amazing that he could still be here for her even though she had hurt him so bad. Of course, it was a long time ago and there had been a rift between them because of it but they managed to salvage their friendship.

"Come on Si, Celine is waiting."

Simon rose from the couch and shoved his hands in his pockets. He froze and the expression on his face twisted. Clary eyed him suspiciously as he removed his phone from his coat pocket. It was either his mom, or it was Isabelle. Clary hoped to God it wasn't Izzy. Simon would tell her and then she would have to tell Izzy everything, which wouldn't be much because they weren't given any details, Thank GOD!

"It's Iz," he said quietly. "Should I tell her?"

Now, Clary knew very well that Isabelle deserved to know about Jace. Izzy was one of Jace's very good friends and so was her twin brother. Alec had also joined the service. He decided to go with the Navy and even became a SEAL. He and Jace were always close but even more so in high school. Clary swallowed hard already feeling the regret of her decision well up inside her but she nodded, telling Simon it was O.K. to tell her.

He turned his back, walked toward the kitchen and answered the phone. In a hushed voice he told Izzy he was with her and that he was sorry he had to cancel their lunch date but it was an emergency. With Isabelle everyone walked on egg shells. That girl had a temper that could set fire to the pyramids. Yes, set fire to stone…she could do it and would do it, if she was pissed enough.

Simon and Isabelle had been together off and on for about three years now. Clary knew he cared for her very much but he didn't love her. She guessed Simon settled on Izzy because she was gorgeous and was a lot like her in many ways. Jace always said her and Izzy should have been sisters because they were so much alike but she had an innocence that Izzy lacked.

After Simon had shut the phone he turned back to Clary with a somber expression. Izzy hadn't taken it well she guessed. She didn't care at this point, well she did. Clary didn't want Izzy to hurt but she had to get to Celine. She and Simon arrived at the tan house about twenty minutes after his phone call with Iz and when she walked in the door she didn't expect what she saw.

"Clary, sweety baby. How are you doing?"

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><p><strong>Jace: so...they wanna know...Am i really dead?<strong>

**Me: I'll never tell**

**Jace: Lame!**

**Sigh...You know what to do!**

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	5. First Kisses

**Thanks for all the reviews and Alerts! It makes me happy! :)**

**As Usual~**_**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**_****

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

"Mom?" Clary couldn't believe her eyes! She hadn't seen this woman since she was seventeen, the day of her father's funeral. Jocelyn had decided that she no longer wanted to be a wife or a mother and she left Clary, Jonathan and their father to fend for themselves when she was twelve. She hated her. The day she walked out that door was the day she walked out of Clary's life and she wasn't getting back in.

Clary had a hard time when Jocelyn left. She had a mother who didn't want her and Jace was no longer at the same school she was. He was in Junior High then and had new friends to preoccupy himself with. She remembered it better than she wanted to and seeing Jocelyn now only made those memories resurface. The one good thing that came out of it was a closer friendship with Simon.

~oOo~

"You can't just leave! We have a family…these kids, they need you Jocelyn. They need their mother." Clary heard her father beg and plead with her mother not to leave. She hated that he did it. She knew he loved her mother more than anything and that it was killing him but to Clary, she had never really been there. Even when she was there physically, she wasn't really there. Nothing had changed since she was younger. There was always some art thing that was more important than their family.

"Val, I have to do this for me. If I don't do it, I'll end up regretting it and I don't want the blame for that to fall on you. I love you and the kids, I just…I have to do this," Jocelyn said picking up her bags and leaving without a second glance. She didn't say goodbye to Clary or her brother, she was just…gone. Jonathan was a sophomore and instead of talking about it with someone he threw himself into sports. This made their father happy since football was Jon's sport of choice and he was damn good at it.

She wanted nothing more than to talk to Jace. To tell him what happened and to have him tell her it would be O.K. because she didn't need Jocelyn. She couldn't though. Jace was busy with his new friends. He had become buddy, buddy with some new guys, Sebastian and Alec. They were both tall with dark hair and Jace stuck out like a sore thumb around them. She wanted to go to her window, pry it open and yell to him but they were there. She couldn't tell what they were doing but she couldn't talk to Jace with them around.

Over the next few days she tried to talk to him but he was always busy. She had even gone out to the swing set and just sat there waiting for him. This was like their secret code to one another. If either of them needed the other they went to the swing set. This only hurt worse. He was forgetting about her, first her mom and now Jace too?

Simon had noticed the change though and called her out on it at lunch about three days after Jocelyn left. She told him what happened and even about Jace. Simon just smiled and hugged her saying, "I'll always be here." At that point in time, she had no reason to think otherwise. After school she went over to Simon's house and he taught her how to play some game on his PlayStation. It made her feel better to know that someone cared.

When she came home she saw Jace…sitting on her swing. She made her way to him slowly with her arms crossed over her chest. It was chilly and she wished she had a coat. Jace looked up and gave her his crooked smirk. She smiled back the best she could because if he was there, then he wanted to tell her something. She could do this. She could keep her mouth shut while he talked.

"Hey Red!" He was…happy about something. Ooh, now she would have to pretend to be happy too.

"Hey Stitches," she gave a light wave.

"Long time, it seems that way to me anyway. I kinda feel like you fell off the face of the earth. I got good news though!"

"Yeah, it's been a while," she was trying way to hard not to sound pissed off at him. "I didn't fall off the face of the planet though. You went to Junior High that's all."

"Yeah I suppose…it has its perks though." He raised his eye brows and bit his bottom lip. That was something he had never done before. He had to have gotten it from one of his new friends.

"And what are its perks?"

"Girls! Lots of girls, Red," he stood as he said it and Clary's eyes widened. Jace wanted to talk to her about girls? Was he kidding? "One in particular though…my girl-friend Isabelle. I think you should meet her and her brother Alec, and Sebastian. I want you to meet them all."

Wait…what? Girlfriend? Clary's mother had just walked away from them and Jace wanted to talk about his GIRLFRIEND? The last time Jace brought up girls he said they still had cooties, now there was a GIRLFRIEND? Clary wasn't jealous that he had one. She was just pissed because he never had time for her anymore. Clary couldn't take it anymore.

"I don't want to meet them. There are more important things going on right now that need my attention," she turned back to her house but his hand caught her arm and spun her quickly to face him.

"What's wrong Red?" He eyed her suspiciously. He usually knew her so well but not now, no anymore.

"She left," Clary whispered. Jace's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head but they quickly softened and he wrapped his arms around her. Clary quickly buried her face in the crook of his neck and she cried for the first and the last time, over her mother.

"Don't cry," he whispered.

~oOo~

Now standing in front of her was the woman who had decided art was more important than her. Clary eyed her incredulously. How dare she come here, she wasn't welcome here. This was a time for family and Jocelyn wasn't her family. Celine must have called and told her what happened but what would make her think her presence was wanted?

"What are you doing here?"

"Celine told me…I…thought you…"

"Well you thought wrong. I don't want or need you here," Clary spat walking passed her with Simon in toe.

"Clary please, let me…"

"Let you what…explain, lie? Spare me; I don't want to hear what you have to say. I have enough going on right now without you being here."

"Clarissa," it was Celine. Her tone was sharp and disapproving of the way she spoke to Jocelyn but Clary didn't care. "Don't speak to your mother that way."

"She's not my mother. She gave up the right to be called that twelve years ago."

"Jace would…" she started but Clary turned on her quickly.

"Jace knew how I felt about her and wouldn't blame me for anything I've said." She turned back to Jocelyn and pointed at her. "If you're here, it's for Celine. I don't need you. I learned that a long time ago."

Izzy showed up at the house not long after Clary and Simon had. She instantly went to Clary and wrapped her arms around her. She hadn't seen Isabelle in months and it felt good to have her there. Immediately Izzy's hands went to Clary's stomach and she smiled happily. Clary gave the best smile she could. She needed to be happy about the baby. It was part of Jace after all. She was just sad that Jace would never know, and never be there to be the great dad she knew he would have been. Isabelle looked at her skeptically much like she had the first time they met.

~oOo~

Jace had finally gotten Clary agree to meet his new girl-friend and invited them both over for dinner. Why he wanted Clary to meet her so bad was beyond her but he did, and it actually became a ritual of their friendship. Izzy was the first but not near the last. She lived in the nicer part of Brooklyn and her brother escorted her to Jace's, so Clary got the pleasure of meeting them both that night. Isabelle looked at Clary curiously and then it turned wicked, like Clary was some bug that needed to be squashed instantly.

Clary took the twins in, both tall with dark hair and pail skin. Izzy had dark eyes and Alec's were a bright blue. She could tell Isabelle was a spoiled little brat because she was decked in designer clothes where her brother was dressed simply in dark wash jeans and a black t-shirt. She could see herself getting along with Alec but Isabelle…not a chance.

"Alec, Iz, this is Re…Clary. My best friend," Jace introduced her.

Clary smiled and nodded but gave Isabelle a glare that could put Lucifer to shame. Izzy was pretty, Clary would give her that. Her long dark hair flowed to her butt and she was supermodel skinny. Her knobby knees, which she eventually grew out of shown beneath her black skirt and for someone who was thirteen years old she was well endowed in the chest department. So that's why Jace liked her. Gross!

Izzy was a bitch! She sucked up to Celine and Stephen so much Clary wanted to claw her beautiful dark eyes out and set her hair on fire. She wouldn't though, for some reason Jace liked this girl and she wanted to know why. As she sat and listened to this girl giggle, flick her hair and bat her eyes she felt an incredible urge to tear Jace away and scream "WHY?" at him but she didn't. She ate silently and every once in a while caught a glimpse of Jace's curious stare in her direction, to which she just rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Alec didn't talk much, he would only nod and give a few 'uh huh's' when the situation called for it. Clary liked him. He actually complimented Jace's personality nicely. Jace was a big mouthed smart ass and Alec was quiet, it was a good match. He and Isabelle would never last and Clary would see to that. Dinner rolled to a close and Clary watched as Izzy fakely hugged Celine and kissed Jace's cheek. It sent a shiver of hate up Clary's spine. She stood in front of the dark haired girl, giving her the best smile she could muster and held her hand out.

"Nice to meet you Isabelle," she was trying to be a good sport.

"Wish I could say the same. What was your name again?" Isabelle said looking at her hand like she was infected with the bubonic plague.

Jace shot his new girlfriend a displeased look and she just shrugged absent mindedly. Alec rolled his eyes and gave Clary an apologetic smile, shaking her hand before they left. Jace and Clary retreated to his room and sat cross legged on his dark blue comforter in silence. He eyed her suspiciously at first while he played with the seam of his jeans.

"What?" Clary chided in annoyance.

"O.K. so she didn't make the best first impression, did she?"

Clary sighed and rolled on her stomach, "I don't like her Stitches, but she isn't my girlfriend. If you like her, then have at her I guess."

Jace shot her a surprised expression, "she is better after you get to know her."

"I don't want to know her!"

"Bu…"

"Jace," Clary was aggravated. She didn't want to meet them in the first place. The only reason she had was because Jace had begged her. "I like Alec, he seems…nice. I will never like that two faced wench."

"Red," his tone was hurt and pleading. "I need you to get along with her."

"No. You don't! And you don't need or want my approval either," Clary hissed.

"Yes I do. You're my best friend. You should get along with my girl-friend."

"NOT gonna happen Stitches, sorry," Clary said lifting herself off the bed and heading for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Home, I have homework."

She left him there with his head hung low, something she later regretted because after her and Isabelle's obvious distaste for one another she and Jace didn't talk for weeks. It wasn't until one chilly spring evening, she saw Jace outside on their swing that they actually spoke again. She had plans with Simon and was pissed that Jace had ditched her for some stupid girl so she contemplated leaving him there to sulk. She couldn't do that though, not to Jace. He was her best friend after all.

Clary took her time down the stairs and plucked a coat from the closet. The wind bit her face and instantly tainted her skin with red splotches as she pushed through the patio doors. She plunged her hands in her pockets and walked down the deck steps kicking leaves as she neared him. When their eyes met she was received with a sense of relief.

"Hey," Jace greeted darkly.

"Hey," Clary said quietly kicking at the sand beneath her feet.

"I missed you."

"What?" she pushed venomously. "Miss America didn't cut it for you?"

"We broke up," his head fell like he was unhappy about it but Clary was pleased.

"Can't say I'm shocked about it."

"She kissed Matt Anderson in the locker room," Jace said sadly. "Does that mean I'm a bad kisser?"

"How would I know? We've never kissed!"

Jace looked at her and a wild smirk drew across his lips. "Oh no," she shook her finger at him. "I know that look Stitches. It's not happening, EW!" She began to back away shaking both her hands at him now.

"Please, just so you can tell me if it's bad," he begged as he stood and inched closer to her. "Red," he sighed. "I don't have cooties, I promise."

She gave him a disgusted look and jammed her hands on her hips, "Fine! But you can't tell anyone." His smile widened and he nodded at her taking another step toward her. Clary held out her hand and placed it flat on his chest. "Promise?"

"Promise our secret."

"Not even Alec…"

"No one, pinky swear!" he said holding out his left pinky to her. She hooked it with hers and he closed the gap between them leaning his head down to her so their lips met. She closed her eyes and tightened her grip on his littlest finger. Jace's lips were soft and warm. It was new for her and she wasn't sure what to think at first but before she had the chance to make up her mind Jace pulled away.

He stared at her with his champagne colored eyes and waited, pinky still attached to hers. Clary stared back and huffed, letting out a gust of air. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath. She didn't know if it could be called a real kiss. It didn't last long and wasn't like the ones you see in the movies. She pulled her finger out of his and shoved her hand back in her pocket looking down at her feet. She knew Jace was waiting for an answer.

"Was it that bad?" he probed.

Clary shook her head slightly and shrugged. "How am I supposed to know if it's good or bad when I've never done it before?"

Jace huffed in irritation, "Well…go kiss Simon or something and then tell me."

Now she knew the look on her face was pure mortification. Jace was off his rocker. This girl had really done a number on him. Why was he being such a baby about it? Isabelle was mean, Clary didn't get it. Not only did he kiss her but he wanted her to kiss her OTHER best friend too? He was crossing a line now.

"NO! I am NOT kissing Simon!" She was more than disgusted. She was horrified at his request. "I have to go."

"Where?"

"To Simon's."

"Urgh," his irritation with her grew more now. "Please Red?"

"No!" She yelled and started walking away.

She left Jace there, staring after her in anger. She didn't care, he was being a jerk. Why should she care if Isabelle thought he was a bad kisser? Why should he care? There wasn't anything to like about her anyway. She trudged the few blocks to Simon's house, where they sat and played Resident Evil until she was too tired to keep her eyes open. Simon's mom called her dad and said Clary would be spending the night.

Clary lay on Simon's bed with him next to her and then out of nowhere Jace's voice popped into her head. 'Go kiss Simon or something and then tell me.' She was all of a sudden curious if Jace was a good kisser. She propped herself up on her elbow and stared down at Simon, contemplating whether she should do it or not. Suddenly his dark eyes popped open and stared up at her in surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"Have you ever kissed anyone Si?"

"No…have you?"

She stay quiet not knowing whether or not she should tell him about earlier with Jace and then decided against it. They still didn't get along and she couldn't figure that out either. How could two of her favorite people hate one another? She shook her head at him rapidly in response. She leaned her head down and placed her lips against his just like Jace had done to her earlier that evening. His lips were soft and warm too but it wasn't the same. She pulled back quickly a little disgusted with herself. Simon wasn't a terrible kisser but he wasn't Jace either.

~oOo~

That was how she met Izzy and instantly hated her. That was also how her first kiss came about. Thinking back on it now she had to laugh inside, she should thank Izzy but she wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of that. They were good friends but Izzy was still a bitch. That, she thought, was also when Simon got weird on her but that's another memory entirely. While Izzy cooed and rubbed her nonexistent baby belly, Clary looked around the room meeting two brilliant green eyes staring at her, her mother. She stared in shock at the sight before her, clearly Celine hadn't told her that yet.

"You're…pregnant?" she screeched.

Clary didn't answer; she stood still as a granite statue. She didn't want Jocelyn poisoning her and Jace's baby. If she didn't want to be a part of her life, Jocelyn sure as hell wasn't going to be a part of the baby's life. Celine came over and patted Clary's arm. "Yes Jocy, she is."

* * *

><p><strong>Jace: So who was the better kisser?<strong>

**Clary: Um...**

**Jace: *scowl***

**Clary: Awe you're cute when your mad!**

**Me: LMFAO!**

**So! **

**Love it...**

**Hate it...**

**Review/Alert/Favorite it...**


	6. All girls are crazy

**_O.K. we are getting closer to the answer you guys are all seeking. Keep reading...it will come. Clary isn't done with her trips down memory lane. _**

**__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter 4<em>**

"Pregnant? Clary…Why didn't you tell me?" Jocelyn whispered, inching toward her with her hands covering her mouth. "I'm going to be a grandma?" She smiled.

"No, you're not. To be a grandparent you must first be a parent, something you were never were," Clary spit back watching the smile instantly fade from Jocelyn's face. It gave her instant gratification. Jocelyn would be the last person she would want to know about this baby.

"Clarissa, I've had enough. Your mother is here to help and support all of us," Celine scolded.

"I don't need her help or support Celine. I have all I need from you, Si, and Iz."

"I'm surprised you and Jace ever worked out. You're both too stubborn for your own good." Celine threw her hands in the air and raked them over her face. Clary knew she meant well but when it came to Jocelyn, no one would make her budge, not even Jace could, not that he ever tried.

Jocelyn stood silent, pain splashed on her face. Clary didn't care, she deserved to hurt just like she and Jon had when they no longer had a mother to come home to. Jonathan, she hadn't told him yet. Her heart tugged at that horrible realization. They had grown closer as they got older, when he and Jace no longer competed for…everything, but mainly the starting quarterback position of the high school football team, that's when things got less tense. They used to constantly argue about Jace. Jon telling her he was a no good piece of shit and didn't deserve to be her friend, which later turned into boyfriend.

~oOo~

Jonathan burst through the front door, fuming with anger. Clary sat at the dining room table and stared at him curiously. She didn't ask him what was wrong. She knew he would burst at some point. It usually didn't take long for him to go off, he had a horrible temper. He shot passed her and went into the kitchen returning with a bottle of water and a bag of cereal. He sat at the opposite end of the table and munched on it, the anger seeping out of him.

"Tell him to back off Clary," he spat.

"Who?" she blinked knowing exactly who.

"Jace, tell that asshat to back the hell off my position. I'm starting quarterback and I'm not giving it up."

Clary sighed and shook her head. Jace and Jonathan had been battling for that position for the past year. Jace had made Varsity his sophomore year and wanted the starting quarterback spot, the exact one that Jonathan had taken his sophomore year. Yeah, they were both THAT good.

"I'm telling you to make him back off Clary; I'll hurt him if I have to."

"NO, you won't! You can't hurt Jace because he is competition."

"No I can hurt Jace because he is a smart mouthed ass, and I will," he shoved his finger in her direction. She sat back I her seat letting her fingers fumble in her lap. She was sick of their fighting but what could she do? Jace wouldn't budge and neither would Jonathan. Having your brother and your best friend at odds with one another sucked.

"I'm tired of you always choosing him Clary; for once see it my way. That position is mine, I earned it." Clary's mouth fell, always choosing Jace? No she didn't…did she? Of course not, that was absurd. She shook her head at him ferociously but said nothing to his incorrect deduction. He stared at her and his black eyes narrowed, burning holes into her. "You do Clary, you take his side over mine ALL the time and I'm your brother," He pointed to himself. "Not him, he isn't even worth being your friend. I never got what it was you two seemed to find in each other. He is an ass and you seem to just eat it up."

She did not! Jace was an ass but if anyone put him in his place it was her and she did it all the time because as much as Jon complained about Jace, it was worse the other way around. "You two need to quit putting me in the middle of your stupid fights. I am not the punching bag! Figure out how to deal with one another on your own," she yelled getting up from her seat and stomping up the stairs to her room. She threw her back pack on the floor next to her bed and heaved herself onto it, face planting into her polka dot pillows with a huff. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she reluctantly pulled it out already knowing who and why.

Swing set…now! *J*

NO! I don't want 2 hear it! ~C~

Then ill come over *J*

Jons here ~C~

Is that supposed 2 scare me? *J*

No…I just don't want 2 b in the middle anymore, don't u have gf 2 tend 2 or something? ~C~

No we broke up *J*

Y am I not surprised… ~C~

Shut up! I like being single *J*

Yup, that's Stitches for…I found some1 new already lol ~C~

Swing set Red, NOW! *J*

No ill come 2 u… ~C~

;) *J*

Clary growled to herself and threw a little tantrum on her bed before getting up and slowly making her way to her window. She hoisted it open at the same time Jace opened his, who needed doors? She glowered at him, and then stuck one leg over the sill while the other followed so she was sitting with her legs hanging outside. She reached one leg out to catch the nearest branch of the tree that separated their houses and gracefully heaved herself onto it. Yeah, she had done it many times, she and Jace had been sneaking into one another's rooms for a while now to sit up and watch movies and talk about the gossip at school, which always seemed to revolve around Jace and his new…thing, as Clary liked to put it.

Jace grabbed her hand, his long fingers completely swallowing hers and helped her inside his room. It was always neat and his once blue comforter was now replaced with a white one. There was absolutely nothing in this room that would make someone think that a person slept here on a daily basis. Clary was used to it now though. She gasped as she straightened up, noticing for the first time that Jace wasn't alone in his room.

"Red, Sebastian. Sebastian, Clary," Jace gestured between the two of them and the other boy nodded. He was cute; he had dark spikey hair and big brown puppy dog eyes. Clary staggered for a minute then righted herself and gave a small wave quirking her mouth into a crooked smile. "Seb is on the football team too and hates your brother as well."

"So this is the Nazi's sister," he smiled. Clary had seen him before but had never met him. She didn't even know that he and Jace were that good of friends anymore. Jace never talked about any of his guy friends…except Alec who had just come out of the closet, to them not anyone else.

"Nazi?" Clary questioned, her hands meeting her hips and her face twisting angrily. How dare he call her brother that! Only she could call him horrible names, it was her right as his sister and no one else had that right but her. "My brother is NOT a Nazi!"

"You don't play football with him."

"No I live with him, which would be worse? Should we switch houses for a while and see?"

"No!" Jace barked. Clary and Sebastian both looked at him suspiciously and he reached his arm behind his head to scratch it. "No offense Seb, but I'd rather Clary be my neighbor." Sebastian gave him a glare that should have boiled his skin off.

"She have beer flavored nipples or something?" Sebastian piped, jetting a hand out in Clary's direction. Her eyes widened and her lips became a thin line on her face. Jace however, just laughed. She stomped over and punched him in the arm, shutting him up quickly.

He cleared his throat, "I, Uh…wouldn't know. You generally don't know those types of things about your best friend."

"When your best friend is a guy sure, but she isn't. You know about every other girl within a thirty mile radius and she's next door."

"Clary's not a girl," Jace amended.

"She sure looks like one," Sebastian pushed with a wry smile, maybe he wasn't so cute anymore.

Clary huffed and blew a stray curl out of her face. She was sick of this, "QUIT talking about me like I'm not here! I AM a GIRL, maybe not to you, Stitches but to every other penis packing moron, I AM A GIRL! Now what did you want to talk about?"

Jace and Sebastian glanced at one another quickly, "I am not a moron," Sebastian chimed.

"Coach is gonna let me start in the next game," Jace smiled wide at her changing the subject before an argument could ensue.

The first thing to cross her mind was, 'OH SHIT.' Her face fell at first but she had to at least try to be happy for Jace and hide the aggravating feeling she felt to smack him upside the head at the same time. She was happy for him, he worked hard for it but she was pissed all at the same time. Jonathan worked hard for that spot too. "That's…great…"

"Yeah, Yeah, I know….but Jonathan," he mocked her voice. "You always take his side over mine Red." His honey eyes meeting her harshly.

OH NO! He did NOT just go there, "Jace, I'm happy you get to start but if you end up taking his spot it's going to be world war three in my house and you know it," she argued. "I have both of you up my ass about this stupid feud you have going on and I'm sick of it. You know Jonathan is hoping he can get a scholarship to NYU. Sometimes I think you push his buttons on purpose."

"I do, I can't help it. It's fun," Jace shrugged and Sebastian laughed.

After that first game, which of course Clary went to and cheered her ass off, Jace won the game and became starting quarter back. Jonathan was crushed and made Clary know it every day. They only drifted further after that because Clary went to every game and even wore Jace's jersey to each one. His girl-friends were none too happy about it but neither of them cared. He never kept a girl-friend long enough anyway, she still had to meet and approve of them all despite that fact.

~oOo~

"Clary, honey," it was Celine. She spoke quietly with a quiver in her throat from all the crying she had done. Clary suspected she didn't sleep at all the night before, much like herself. She had watched each hour pass by hoping Jace would push through the door and climb in bed next to her but he didn't and it only made the pain weigh on her more.

"Yeah," Clary answered popping her head up in Celine's direction, away from Izzy who still had her hand on her belly. It hadn't changed any so Clary didn't understand why she was so amazed by it.

"They called this morning wanting to know when we want to have the funeral."

Clary didn't want to have a funeral. She wasn't going to bury Jace if she couldn't go with him. This wasn't right. "Where is he?"

"Clary," she started and broke down in tears when Stephen entered the room wrapping her in his arms.

"They only found remains Clary. He was in an explosion. What was left of his body was very badly burned and unrecognizable. They only knew it was him because of his dog tags."

A sharp stab of agony and rage shot through her. They identified him using his dog tags? No DNA testing or dental records? This was the United States Military; surely they could have done better than dog tags. What if the person they thought was Jace wasn't really Jace at all? Her eyes had widened and her mouth fell open in horror at the thoughts going through her head. "Remains?"

"Yes Clary, remains. They were flown back to be buried," Stephen answered still trying to console his wife. Clary fell to her knees and her face met her hands unable to control the sobs that clawed their way out of her. She wouldn't even get the courtesy of closure. Simon and Izzy exchanged worried looks and both knelt down beside her trying to calm her the best they could but she just felt suffocated. All the oxygen had all of a sudden been sucked out of the room as she gasped to fill her lungs but it was too late.

She felt herself being lifted but was too weak to care by whom or even open her eyes to look. She knew exactly how long it would take to get there if she guessed where she was being taken and she was right. She felt the cold plush comforter beneath her, it smelled like him somewhat. Maybe she had been wrong the day before. He was still here in some small way. She balled the comforter up in her fist and let the tears run until it dabbed the fabric beneath her face. It reminded her of a conversation she and Jace once had.

~oOo~

The day started out normal as any other. Jace and Clary met outside his house and he gave her a ride to school. Her classes were the same with nothing out of the ordinary. She was a sophomore now and Jace a Junior. He was of course the popular jock that everyone wanted a piece of in his class and Clary the artsy yet, still popular girl in hers. They used to get pissed all the time because everyone thought they were a couple, they would both cringe and roll their eyes when asked. Clary and Jace still sat together at lunch, only now they were always crowded by other football players and cheerleaders.

He always had some girl trying to push up on him and he would just ignore it and hang his arm over Clary's shoulder. She didn't mind but that was the reason everyone thought they were a couple. After school Jace took her home, football season was over so he didn't have practice that day. He beckoned her into his house using food as his bait to lure her in. Not that it was different from any other day unless he had a girl over, but usually one ended up at the others house at some point during the day.

A few bags of chips, a couple frozen pizzas, half a case of pop and they were full. They sat and watched some stupid remake of, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" while stuffing in the food. "So, I'm not gonna end up with some incurable form of VD by sitting on your bed am I?" she joked.

"Nope," Jace popped the P while stuffing the last piece of pizza in his mouth with a chuckle. "Why would you think that?"

"Come on Jace, don't play dumb," she said lying flat on her stomach on the bed swinging her feet back and forth as a smirk crossed her lips. Jace sat at his desk slumped in his chair, rubbing the grease from his fingers on his jeans and laughed.

"You are the only girl that has ever been on that bed, Red."

"Really?" She said shocked by his assertion. He nodded and shoved his hand in a bag of Doritos. "I would have thought otherwise given your…reputation."

"There are many other places to do that and I prefer my private space to be…private. Besides, girls are crazy," he said matter of fact, getting out of the chair to toss himself on the bed next to her.

Clary sat up on her knees and looked down at him quizzically, "Crazy? Girls are not crazy Stitches."

"They are, every single one of them and I don't want any crazy girls in my bed."

"I'm a girl and I'm in your bed."

"You're an exception."

Clary laughed, "You just said all girls are crazy."

"Except you, you don't count as a girl anyway.

She pulled back and punched his arm, "shut up!" Jace laughed and lay back on the bed. "What's it like?"

"What?" he asked absentmindedly throwing his hands behind his head.

"Sex…" she answered slowly. Jace shot up on his elbows with a surprised look but his devilish grin didn't hide for long. They had never talked about sex before, Clary had never really cared or even had to urge to want to know but she was all of a sudden curious as to why girls fell all over Jace. Was she missing something?

"Why?" he eyed her incredulously.

Clary felt herself flush as heat rushed into her cheeks and she looked away. Her fingers found their way into one of her curls and she played nervously with them. Why was she acting like this? It was only Jace! "I was just…never mind," she sighed leaning back on her feet shaking head. She was about to get up when Jace grabbed her wrists and held her there, fully sitting up to face her now.

"You haven't done it yet?" His eye brows shot up and damn near touched his hair line.

"No," she snapped pulling out of his grasp. "The idea of some sweaty guy panting over me like I'm some chew toy he can't wait to rip the squeaker out of is revolting," her face churned in disgust.

Jace's head fell back and laughter billowed out of him, "Easy fix Red, you be the sweaty one on top ripping the squeaker out."

"Jace," she reprimanded crossing her arms.

"What? I'm just saying and besides, I'm probably not the best person to answer that question since I have no idea what it's like for a girl. Ask Izzy, she'd know."

"Oh GOD! Please tell me you haven't slept with Izzy," Clary whined burying her face in her hands.

"HELL NO! I like having all of my appendages thank you. I'm pretty sure after someone screws her, their dick shrivels up and falls off from the acid that spews from her," he said getting up off the bed to retrieve his can of pop.

Leave it to Jace to be so….visual. Jace and Izzy only pretended to get along for Alec's sake after their break up when they were freshmen. Clary and Izzy had become friends though and got along fine when they weren't arguing about Jace. Izzy would usually start in about some annoying trait he had and Clary of course would defend her best friend to the fullest extent. Alec was usually the one to break up any cat fight that may have occurred because of this.

"But it's…fun right?"

Jace damn near showered her with soda after she made that comment and choked trying to swallow it down. "Yeah, it's…fun Red," He said wiping his chin. She looked at him skeptically and watched as he leaned against his desk. "It won't be romantic and sappy like in the movies your first time. I've had enough virgins to know that. Your first time won't be fun, it'll hurt like a bitch so make sure he's worth it," he pointed at her. "Or I might have to kill him for being a dick to you."

She had to hide the smile that had started to form over his protectiveness of her. She had never known him to be like that and it made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. Jonathan wasn't even shielding of her and here Jace was, threatening to kill someone over her virtue. That had been the last time they had that conversation. When Clary started seeing people, actually having boyfriends, Jace insisted he meet them all just like Clary met his. Like her, he hated all of her prospects and didn't hesitate to pick out the tiniest detail that bothered him. It really started to annoy her but she dealt with it just like he had because that's what best friends do.

~oOo~

Clary finally mustered the strength to sit up surveying the room, taking in the scent and feel of it. It never changed, still barren and neat exactly the way he had left it. She slid off the bed and tiptoed down the hallway, down the steps until she met Celine, who opened her arms and let Clary fall into them. She stroked her hair and patted her back trying to put her at ease but the only person who had the power to do that was Jace.

Celine had sent Simon and Isabelle home and begged Clary to stay the night at the house with them again. They would need to be up early so they could meet with the funeral director the next day. Clary declined, she needed the time alone. She needed the time to collect herself for the next day's horrific events. She would never be ready for it but she would have to suck it up and try to be.

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><p><strong>Jace: I'm still dead?<strong>

**Me: Yup**

**Jace: That's depressing**

**Me: No, what's depressing is that all you are is a voice in my head. Damn Cassie Clare for dreaming up such a damn fine...**

**Jace: *sexy smirk***

**Me: shut up!**

**Yeah I just might be insane but what can I say, I'm in love with a fictional character. Who isn't? lol anyway...**

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**xoxox**


	7. It Smells more like you

**So I'm posting this chapter for xxlovelaughlivexx...thank your for the reviews, it's nice to hear that your enjoying reading it as much as i am writing it. Thank You to all my reviewers i am greatly appreciative to all of you! Keep it up bc after this chapter you get your BIG question answered but how many reviews i get will depend how quickly you get it so REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! It's ready and written so show me you want it!**

****__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__****

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

Clary peeled herself out of bed at seven A.M. that next morning, not having gotten any sleep. She showered and forced herself to eat. She still had a baby to think about and even if she didn't need to substance, baby did. She dressed in black leggings and a grey sweater dress, pairing it with black knee high boots with flat heels. She pulled her hair back in a messy bun and didn't bother to put on make-up, what was the need when she would probably cry it all off anyway.

She made it to Celine and Stephen's by eight, where they pushed her out the door the minute she arrived so they could make the nine O' Clock appointment with the funeral director. Stephen drove and Celine sat next to him with their hands clasped together over the center console. Clary missed that, she missed holding Jace's hand. His warm slender fingers fit her small calloused ones perfectly. He used to sit and analyze her artistic hands, each spec of paint or granule of coal would have a story to it. A completely made up one of course but it was good humor, she thought.

They drove to Manhattan, leaving plenty early to make their appointment. Clary had already put herself in deaf, dumb and blind mode. She didn't want to be there, didn't want to plan the burial of the person she cared for most in her world. No matter how anyone looked at it, she would be saying goodbye to a piece of herself and she would never get it back. The director's office was on the sixth floor in some building she hadn't bothered to catch the name of. His office was small and stuffy, neat as a pin and smelled like the pine air fresheners cabbies used. The smell made her stomach churn. She had been lucky so far not to have had horrible morning sickness but she felt this morning might have a different outcome.

"Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Herondale. I am truly sorry for your loss," the director greeted. "My name is lieutenant Redfield and who might this be?" He had just caught sight of Clary as she shuffled passed Celine and Stephen.

"This is Clarissa, Jace's fiancée," Stephen introduced throwing his arm around her shoulder.

"Hello, Clarissa. My deepest sympathies go out to you as well." He was tall and muscular and had the same stupid buzz cut that all soldiers had. His shoulders were broad making the light green shirt he wore look too small. His face was pleasant. At least he was sincere with his apologies for Jace being killed. He was probably a good liar though, since it was his job to be so irritatingly nice.

"I'll need you to pick out flower arrangements, and whether or not you want a headstone or a footstone. All costs will be paid of course. We will need you to pick out a casket as well," Lt. Redfield said walking around his desk to face them head on.

Clary sat on the small couch behind Stephen and Celine drowning the man out almost immediately. The sincerity was gone now, it was all business. Clary sat numbly staring out the window into a dreary gray day. Surely it would rain and she would welcome it because it would then mimic how she felt inside, cold and empty. She tried to drown out everything they said but over-heard way too much.

Celine wanted Calla Lilys for flowers, white ones, to which Clary couldn't complain. His coffin would be a plain sleek black. They were informed that the Honor Guard would be present to perform the three-volley salute in honor of Jace's death. The actual ceremony was set for two days from now. Two days? Stephen and Celine had ran his obituary the day the letter came and that was only two days prior to today. Things were happening to fast for Clary. She shot up from her seat, struggling with the door but managing to push passed it trying to find the nearest bathroom. When she did, she cursed herself for eating that morning because now it filled the toilet.

She was glad she had pulled her hair away from her face because once it started it didn't stop until she had nothing in her but left over tears and an aching pain in her throat. She heard the door open to the bathroom and the clicking of heels on the white tile floor. She quickly pushed off of her knees and pulled the cold silver lever to flush the porcelain monster in front of her. She turned and met a pair of golden brown eyes. They were darker than Jace's but he had gotten his from her.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Clary sniffed shakily, wiping her face with her palms.

"Have you been eating?"

"Yes Celine, I ate this morning but that doesn't seem to matter. Between Jace and the baby I can't keep what I do eat down," her voice cracked at the mention of his name. She took to the sink slowly, her knees struggling to keep her up as she washed her face and patted her mouth.

"Clary, I wish you'd stay at the house. I could help or try to help."

Clary scoffed and peered at Jace's grief stricken mother through the mirror, "The only thing that could help either of us right now Celine, is for Jace to walk through that door and yell 'SURPRISE,'" she shook her head pulling a paper towel from the rack attached to the wall and turned on her now. "And that is not going to happen." Clary tossed the towel in the gray garbage by the door and left Celine standing there with her mouth agape. She realized then, that her words had hit harder than she intended them to and cursed herself for being so malice.

It was a quiet ride back to the house she had once felt so welcome in. She had hurt Celine and didn't know how to apologize. When they reached their destination, Clary stood outside and watched Celine and Stephen walk to the door. They both turned with sad expressions, they knew she wasn't going to come inside. She felt even more horrible for pulling away from them when they probably needed her most and she them, but she couldn't stand the silence.

Clary went home to her and Jace's tiny Brooklyn apartment. She stripped off her clothes and rummaged through Jace's dresser drawers until she found one of his old high school t-shirts, pulling it over her head and sucking in his scent. She matched it with a pair of his boxers and threw herself into bed with no intention of leaving it until she was pulled out by the hand of God himself. There were many memories that t-shirt had for her but one that stuck out the most.

~oOo~

It was homecoming and Jace was undefeated his senior year. The school was decked in its representing colors, blue, silver, and green. Andy Prescott ran around in the mascot suit all day, it was a wolverine. Simon said he should have run around as Wolverine from the X-Men because it would have made him look more menacing than some oversized gray and black rat. Clary just shook her head and rolled her eyes, only Si could turn it into something about comic books.

Clary wore Jace's number seven jersey, like she had on every game day. He told her she had no choice but to, because her wearing it was his good luck charm. She fully decked out that day. She sprayed glitter in her hair and wrapped blue and silver faux hair into braids that twisted into a high pony tail atop her head. She was a cheerleader, so his jersey was matched with her blue and green pleated skirt. Isabelle's attire matched hers except she wore Sebastian's jersey. She wasn't his girl-friend; she made him give it to her to wear.

It was a short day, after lunch the student body assembled in the gym for a pep rally to send their team off with a bang. The principal went on to tell the school how Jace had led his fellow players to a flawless season and how he expected nothing short of a perfect win that evening. Jace nodded and smiled then took the podium afterward, starting the whole school in a chant, the cheerleaders helping him out. He had the whole student body on its feet cheering, pumping their fits in the air and yelling at the top of their lungs. Jace had that effect on people, and once one person started the others had to join in because he was infectious.

The band started in, playing the school song as the football team stood to sing along and everyone cheered louder. Jace had to practice even though school was let out early and so did Clary. They wouldn't see one another until they both hit the field. It was a chilly evening that smelled like leaves and rain. Clary was a flyer because she was so small, so no one would miss her on the sidelines. She would be the one doing the aerodynamics atop a pyramid of girls.

As he had promised, Jace led his team to a flawless victory beating their rivals in a landslide, 36-3. A party was thrown in honor of their win. Clary ended up at Izzy's after the game. Of course there was a homecoming dance, but none of the players actually went to it. The party was more important. Izzy dolled Clary up, piling on layers of make-up that made her feel like she had a whole cake attached to her face. She dressed Clary in a black form fitting spaghetti strap dress that hugged her body making her blush. The way it showed off what she thought were nonexistent curves was startling. She even found that she did have breasts to show off.

Izzy teased and curled her hair, not satisfied until it was perfect. She had French braided it from the back of her neck up and pinned it half way atop her head, letting her hair cascade over it and curled the red waterfall. For herself, she wore a red strapless number and let her black as night hair hang straight. Izzy had picked black heels for herself and silver ones for Clary. Before they left, Izzy gave her a look over and nodded, clearly pleased with her work.

The party was held at one of the player's houses. Clary couldn't remember his name but the whole team was there, along with all the cheerleaders. Most of the party goers had already drank themselves silly by the time she and Izzy arrived but they were greeted at the door by Jace and Sebastian, beer in hand wearing the same t-shirt to represent the school and their victory. She thought Isabelle would catch all the attention because of how beautiful she was but given the expressions on Jace and Seb's faces, she was wrong.

"Damn Clary, you look…" Sebastian started but was cut off.

"She looks amazing, don't I do good work?" Izzy chimed, clearly proud of herself.

Jace's eyes danced up and down her frame and Clary felt the heat rise in her cheeks. How could he make her do that? He quickly took a long gulp of his beer and watched as Sebastian snaked his arm around Clary's waist ushering her into the house. Clary looked back to see if Jace followed and he had. He kept a suspicious eye on her all night actually and Sebastian hadn't left her side. He always had to be touching her. She was used to him by now and didn't let it bother her too much. Jace stayed close nearly the whole night until he had found himself some blond girl she had never met before and damn near sucked her face off. Gross! Clary thought.

Isabelle had gotten lost in the sea of people as well. Clary found herself stuck with Sebastian all night, Yay…exactly what she wanted…not. He had gotten her drink after drink until she finally had to force him to stop. She caught one last glimpse of Jace before she was pulled upstairs to listen to some mindless chatter between Sebastian and another random person she had never met but before she knew what happened, she had been pulled into a dark room and she felt his strong hands grasp her face, smashing his lips to hers.

O.K. fine, she had never kissed Sebastian before but he wasn't a bad kisser, minus the beer taste…he backed her up until the backs of her legs met the edge of something soft and forced her knees to buckle, causing her butt to meet the soft mattress. Sebastian pushed her back, using his hands to walk his way up to her. His lips met hers again as he wiggled his hips between her thighs. He ran his tongue down her neck and across her collar bone. It made her skin crawl.

His hand roamed up her leg and under her dress, his fingers catching in the side of her lace panties sending warning flags in Clary's head. Sebastian began grinding against her and she felt his finger graze her stomach and slip under the soft fabric. She clutched his arm quickly and he stopped to stare down at her in surprise. She shook her head at him and swallowed hard. Something flashed in his eyes that she had never seen before and it scared her. She needed to get out of there and fast.

"What?" he blinked.

"I…I don't wanna do this," she stuttered.

Sebastian smiled at her, "Yeah you do," he said bringing his lips closer again. "I get it, you're just nervous," he whispered licking her lips.

Clary pushed against his chest trying to get away but he only let more of his weight fall on her. "Get…off of…me," she struggled to get it out.

"Don't be a tease Clary. I can make you feel good, so good!" he said closing in on her lips

Clary turned her head quickly, "No," she yelled. "Sebastian, MOVE!" she cried even louder.

"No…you don't know how long I've wanted you Clary."

"JACE!" she yelled, her voice strained so much even she didn't recognize it. "Help me Please," she pleaded. Sebastian's hand came down on her mouth stifling any sound from escaping. Tears began to stream like tiny rivers down her cheeks as she struggled to breathe. She knew deep down he wouldn't hear her, the music was too loud but she had to try.

"You would call for Jace. What is it about him? What is about you? He treats every other girl like shit but you. You're special, he puts you on a fucking pedestal, untouchable by anyone but him!" he sneered. "Not this time…now it's my turn."

Sebastian's hand found its previous position and this time he shoved his hand down her panties and jammed his fingers inside her. It burned and felt like sandpaper scraping against her. She cried out but the sound was still muffled behind his hand. She felt some of his weight lift off of her and heard the zipper of his pants. Clary used that as an opportunity, biting down on the inside of his palm and wiggling a knee between his legs thrusting it upward. Sebastian rolled but still had her pinned beneath him as he gasped for air.

She sat up and tried to push him away but he caught her arm and pulled her back. She didn't see it coming but felt as if a bus had just slammed into the side of her face. He had back handed her and instantly her hands came up, cradling her cheek as a silent cry escaped her. Then she heard the door slam open and the lights came on. She no longer felt Sebastian's weight on her so she instinctively curled herself into the fetal position on the bed. She heard voices but they were blurred and she heard the sound of breaking glass but kept her eyes closed.

The room was finally silent except the quiet groans of someone lying on the floor next to the bed. She felt a warm sensation on her shoulder and tried to shrug it off but it still wouldn't leave. "Clary…" a voice whispered to her but she still didn't want to open her eyes. "Clary, look at me," she couldn't move, it was like time had stopped and frozen her there. "Red, please…" Clary's head flew up in response now that she knew who it was.

"Jace…" a whisper was all she could get out while her arms flew around his neck and she buried her face in his t-shirt. His arms came around and pulled her as close as he could get her while she sobbed into his neck. She tried to tell him what happened but couldn't get it out between sobs.

"Shhh, I'm here, It's gonna be alright," he soothed while he rocked her back and forth.

"Take me home," Clary breathed into his shirt, voice shallow and weak.

Jace picked her up and carried her out of the house, holding her steady in his strong arms as her body twitched and quivered. The remaining people at the party stared and whispered as they left. Jace set her in the passenger's seat and covered her with his coat. She pulled her knees to her chest and continued to rock herself back and forth resting her head on the cold window. Jace didn't speak the whole way home, she didn't even know if she heard him breathe. What had happened to Sebastian? She hoped he was dead, but knew better. Jace didn't even bother to take her to her own house. He picked her gently out of the car and carried her to his room. He set her on the bed and took her heels off then pulled back the covers for her to get in. He was about to pull away but she grabbed his arm and without meaning to, dug her nails into his perfectly tan skin.

"No, please stay," she pleaded.

Jace nodded and lay down next to her, pushing her curls back examining her face. Sebastian's class ring had broken her cheek open. She could feel it swell and throb beneath the heat of his hand as he cupped her face gently. She felt his breath on her when he sighed and his warm lips when they met her forehead, kissing her softly. She felt safe now, she always felt safe with Jace.

"I'm sorry, I should have known," he spoke softly and muffled against her skin.

"No, it's not your fault. I should have stopped it sooner. I thought it was harmless, I didn't think…" she could feel the tears well up inside her and the lump rise in her throat.

"Shhh, don't cry. It's over now," he whispered. "And it will NEVER happen again," he growled through gritted teeth.

Clary looked up to meet his gaze and the angry crease in between his eyebrows softened, but only slightly. He pressed his forehead to hers and rubbed his nose lightly next to hers and sighed again. "I promise, never again," he whispered, letting his hand find her cheek again. She tilted her head up and her lips brushed his unintentionally but he brought his lips down and they met hers. His were soft and light, much like the first time he had kissed her when she was twelve but when she opened her mouth to take in a breath she felt his tongue caress hers.

Jace's hand slid down her back and rested there but pulled her closer so she was flush against him. Clary brought her hand up and twisted her fingers in his golden curls allowing the closeness, she found herself craving it actually. He didn't move his hand from her back; instead he twirled her now free curls around his fingers. She didn't know how long they lay there kissing but she didn't care either. He tasted sweet, she couldn't put her finger on an exact flavor but it was good and she wanted more of it.

It was Jace who pulled back, out of breath and he swallowed hard before speaking, "Red, we should stop." Another kiss, still not convinced. "We can stop and still be best friends in the morning," and another kiss. "Or…we keep going and it will be really complicated when we wake up." Clary wanted him to shut up, she heard what he said and agreed but wasn't too sure she cared about how complicated it COULD be. "You need to tell me what you want because that was my last attempt at restraining myself from ripping your dress off." Everything he said was breathy and shaky like he was nervous.

Suddenly, his breath caught and he pulled back. Clary was dazed by the abruptness and felt a chill roll up her spine at his absence. Her lip drew out in a pout and her eyes shot open. Jace sat at the edge of his bed with his head in his hands cursing under his breath. Clary shot up and crawled over to him plopping herself next to Jace at the edge. She pulled his hand away and his eyes met hers for just a second before his head fell back and he let out a gust of air.

She knew what he was saying. He couldn't do it because she was who she was and he was who he was. Best friends forever, they even spit and shook on it when they were eight and followed it with a pink swear. As bad as they both wanted to in that moment, neither was willing to sacrifice the other over stupid teenage hormones and they both understood that. This would be another moment that only they knew about, like the kiss when Izzy cheated on him when he was thirteen. He smirked at her and she smirked back followed by a laughing stint.

"Go wash your face, don't ever let Izzy put make-up on you again," he grinned.

She giggled but got up and made her way to the bathroom knowing full well what he meant and that was, you'll always be beautiful but more beautiful your own way. She washed her face and came back to find Jace had set out a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers for her to sleep in. She inched toward the bed and pulled his boxers over her dress and then eyed him.

"What?"

"I want that one," she pointed at him.

"That one what?"

"The t-shirt you're wearing."

"Why?"

"Because you're wearing it and it smells more like you than any other shirt in this house. Now give it up," she ordered.

Jace rolled his eyes but sat up to peel the shirt off and tossed it at her. She caught it and walked to the bed and spun, pulling her hair aside to show the zipper on the back of her dress. "You're unbelievable, you know that?" He said pulling the zipper down slowly. She turned and pulled his t-shirt over her head then yanked the dress down to her feet and kicked it away. She hopped on the bed finding her previous spot and smiled at him, he just shook his head. Clary fell asleep, safe in his arms.

She woke to the feeling of his bare, warm chest against her cheek and his arm draped over her. Her fingers splayed open across his defined stomach. Clary traced the indentations of his muscles and watched as he twitched from her soft movements. "What're you doing?" His voice was deep and rough from sleep and it startled her. Her fingers froze in their place and she lifted her head to look at him while resting her chin on his chest.

"Admiring your very well defined abdomen, is that O.K. with you?" Jace shrugged and began twisting his fingers in her curls. "Stitches?"

"Don't do it."

"Do what?" she peered at him quizzically.

"That thing girls do," he waved his hand in the air, "when they need an explanation for shit. I don't have one, so don't do it."

"You're a bad, terrible, even horrible liar but I was only going to ask what happened to Sebastian," she pulled herself up and looked down at him scrutinizing his every expression.

"Pretty sure he had a hospital visit, few broken bones…I wanted to hit him more after you wouldn't respond to me but then you did so you kinda saved him from dying."

"Damn it! I would have gladly watched you do it, probably even helped. We could have been locked in prison together for second degree murder. I wouldn't mind," she chimed.

Jace laughed, "we wouldn't be put in the same prison, and I'm too pretty to go to prison nor am I a butt pirate so…not O.K. with me," he said sitting up and stretching. "So…" he started but didn't finish his sentence.

"So…"

"Never mind, I'll leave it alone," Jace shook his head and pulled away the covers to stride over to his dresser.

"You wanna know what happened?" she said quietly hanging her head. Jace whipped himself around slowly and leaned against his dresser crossing his arms nodding his head at her. She told him every last detail, which only seemed to anger him more but when she got to the part when Sebastian brought Jace up, his expression changed into one she couldn't read. "Was he right? Do you do that?"

"They all know to keep a safe distance Red, and if that means I put you on a pedestal than yes I do. You're not just another girl, you're MY best friend, mine! And no one will treat you like that."

Mine? She thought, Jace said she was…his? "He made it sound like it was more…untouchable by anyone but you, was what he said."

"I don't think what he said, was actually what he meant. I've never told any of them they couldn't date you or, do…other…stuff," he sighed struggling, she could see, to make her understand. "Guys talk Red, and when they talk about you like they talk about every other piece of trash out there then…yeah, I get pissed and defend you. Should I not do that? Should I let you be just another piece of meat thrown to a pack of rabid dogs?"

She shook her head and fidgeted in her lap, "If none of them are good enough for me Jace…then who is?"

"No one will ever be good enough for you Red," he mumbled to the floor.

"Even you?"

His head shot up and his eyes widened, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"Last ni…"

"I don't wanna talk about last night. You're you, and I'm me, and you and me…we don't do that."

"But we did," she added quickly.

"Alcohol does strange things."

"What happened with Sebastian would have been enough to sober up an elephant that drank a hundred gallons of tequila, Jace," she shot back sarcastically. "Don't blame the alcohol. All I'm saying…."

"What," he spat, "what are you saying?"

"That it just makes sense," she said getting off the bed to walk toward him. He shifted his weight almost nervously and let out a drawn out sigh.

"How does it make sense?"

"Because you're you and you are safe, maybe not to any other girl out there, to which you would join that pack of rabid dogs but you're not like that with me. It just makes sense that it would feel O.K. because for you, I'm safe too." She stood in front of him now staring at him, hoping that he understood the jumble that just came out of her mouth.

"Safe or not, it still wouldn't have been O.K."

~oOo~

Clary smiled to herself and clung to that t-shirt. The same one that she had slept in the night they ALMOST had sex. That was the first time she had actually let herself feel what she really felt for him. She had always loved Jace in some way and he had always loved her too. At that point in time he was right though, it wouldn't have been O.K. because neither of them was willing to risk what they had as friends to be more. They had never even thought of it being more before that night, at least she hadn't.

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><p><strong>O.k. READY...SET...GO!<strong>

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	8. The Apocolypse

**So here you are my wonderful readers...the question you've all been dying to have answered. Thank you for all the reviews you guys are truely the greatest and I love hearing from everyone of you. A few things about this chapter...THERE ARE SONGS TO IT! YAY! When you see THE APOCOLYPSE, that starts a new chapter in Clary's world...after her flashback is when the first song starts "Just a dream," by Carrie underwood.**

**When you see XXX that starts the next song..."Storm," by Lifehouse. AMAZING song and it fits the situation very well. They both do. **

**So here we go...****__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__******

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

"Get out of bed Clarissa!" a deep voice hollered at her. Clary's eyes jerked open and she looked around the room not seeing the source of it through her sleepy haze. She had herself wrapped in Jace's Jets blanket with her face half smothered by his pillow trying to suck every ounce of him out of them. His blanket was being yanked off of her and she grasped for it like someone was peeling off her skin. Then, she caught sight of who it was.

"Magnus…" she whispered with almost a hint of relief. If there was one person who could relate to her now, it would be him. Alec was in the Navy and he was deployed too. Did he even know yet? Jace and Alec had been close for years and if there was one person who knew Jace even remotely like her it was Alec. Magnus was Alec's boyfriend. They had met him one night at Pandemonium. He and Alec were joined at the hip since that night.

"Yes, I have brought my magnificent self," he actually gestured to himself and bowed to her, "here to pull you out of your current state of despair. Now get out of bed, its after noon for Christ sake," he finished pulling the blanket off of her as he said it.

Clary sighed and clutched the pillow harder pulling her legs up into her stomach, like her life depended on having that pillow. It still smelled like him. He always smelled so good, sweet and spicy with a hint of fruit and soap. His scent was intoxicating to her. Magnus sighed and his hard demeanor softened as he strode over and sat next to her on the bed. He reached a hand over and brushed her hair from her face giving her a look of understanding.

"You don't want to hear it. I know, because I wouldn't want to hear it either but life still has to go on Clare-Bear. Jace wouldn't want you to be like this." Only Magnus got away with calling her Clare-Bear but it was the mention of his name that sent shocks of electricity through her veins making her entire body tense. She tightened her grip on the pillow and closed her eyes waiting for it to subside. "Clary," Magnus' voice was calm as he tried to soothe her. "I'm doing this because you would do it for me if the situation were reversed. You have many people who love you and who are more than willing to be here for you. None of us can replace him but don't shut us out because we can't handle losing you both."

Damn him, he was right. All Clary wanted to do was shut off the world and stay locked in her memories, where he was still alive and with her. She sighed and released the pillow slowly feeling like she was ripping a piece of herself away to be parting with it. Magnus took her shoulders in his hands and gave her a feeble smile to which she smiled back. "Get dressed! I'm taking you out to lunch and then we are going shopping. This is going to be a normal day. Today, Jace is alive and off running his uncontrolled tongue to some Al' Qaeda rebel leader and we are shopping for baby clothes."

"Bu…"

"Ah, Ah Ah," he shook his finger at her. "WE ARE SHOPPING Clarissa, no if's and's or but's about it, now go!" He pointed her in the direction of her bathroom.

"Magnus, I don't even know what the sex of the baby is yet."

He shrugged, "Red, Green and yellow Clary, unisex colors…now go!"

She hopped off the bed feeling like she had just been scolded and quickly tip toed into the bathroom. She stood in front of her mirror and totally did the pregnant mommy thing, where you stand sideways and look at your tummy to see how much your showing. Of course, she wasn't showing at all but she ran her fingers across the tiny space that sat between her pelvic bones and lightly pressed on it. It was firm and the pushing made her cramp a little, it didn't hurt it was just uncomfortable. What did hurt though was her breast, so sensitive all the time.

She showered and dressed in her normal fashion, jeans and a long sleeved white tee with a V-neck. She tossed her hair into a messy bun and threw on a pair of red ballet flats. Magnus took her to Taki's, it was the place where they all met and hung when they were still in school. She missed that place. It had been months since she had been here. She ordered her usual from the menu, a cheese burger with just cheese but this time asked for extra pickles on the side. The cravings were kicking in. She sat quietly taking in the surroundings while listening to Magnus chatter on about his last conversation with Alec. She had missed Alec and Magnus more than she realized.

Magnus carted Clary around to what she thought, was every baby clothing store within the five boroughs. She was exaggerating of course, but they went to a lot of them, Macy's, Bloomingdales, Babies'R Us, Gymboree, The GAP, Old Navy and any other store imaginable. "I will not be out done by auntie Izzy, Uncie Mags will be the favorite," he told her. He spent way more than was necessary for an unborn baby, at least five hundred dollars. "Nothing but the best for our little ray of sunshine, I will clad that child in Gucci someday."

Magnus didn't hurt for money. He was a stylist for Vogue Magazine and knew more than a few famous people. He took her home and made her grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for dinner, because that's all she had in the house. They stayed up late that night and watched Jim Carrey movies while sharing a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. For one day she got to feel like she had a normal life, well a few hours of a day anyway. She laughed and smiled and showered the little sea monkey inside her with gifts she couldn't wait to give him/her. The horrible realization was that it wouldn't last long.

_**THE APOCOLYPSE**_

Clary woke to the annoying buzzing of her alarm clock at eight A.M. that next morning. It was the day she dreaded, his funeral. Today she would bury her heart and soul in that black box. Clary reluctantly rolled herself out of bed but fell to the floor instead of actually getting up. Her legs disobeyed her commands and wouldn't move. She finally willed herself up and did what she needed to do to make herself presentable.

She dressed in a simple black dress and let her hair fall in wild fiery flames around her face. She didn't bother to put on any make-up. She slipped her feet into a pair of black pumps and drew her arms into her full length black wool coat. Stephen and Celine picked her up at ten to take her to the funeral home where they stood and greeted all the loved one's who came in Jace's memory. Simon was there first with Isabelle and Magnus, they all came together. Some of their old classmates from school showed up, of course Jocelyn was there and Clary forced herself to hug the woman. Jonathan showed up and instantly scooped her up in his arms; he didn't say anything, he told her all he needed to with his gesture. Jace's casket sat at the front of the church by the pulpit, closed and covered by an American flag. A sight Clary found she detested to the fullest.

Clary sat between Simon and Jonathan as the pastor gave his sermon, telling everyone about Jace's life, football, friends, Clary, the baby. Everything was a dull buzz in Clary's head. She heard the words but also the hushed whispers around her. "That poor girl, all alone with a baby on the way," "Oh, I feel so terrible for her." It was reminiscent of her father's funeral but on that day she was flanked by Jace and Jonathan. That was when they really set aside their differences and seemed to silently agree that is was best for them both to be there, equally supportive. She thought then that that was the hardest thing she would ever do in her life. Her dad was her rock on many occasions and he was supposed to live forever, but by the time they found the cancer it was already too late. He died two months after they found it, leaving her and Jonathan to fend for themselves.

Jonathan worked full time and went to school; they were able to keep the house by using the life insurance money to pay it off. Celine and Stephen helped as much as they could, making sure they had food and the necessary things to survive. She would be forever grateful to them for that. Simon would come over and spend nights with her when Jon worked late or she would spend the night at Jace's house, sleeping in the guest bedroom of course. What stuck out to her now though was the day Jace told Clary he enlisted.

~oOo~

It was spring and only three months since her father's death. She came home from school and tossed her back pack atop the table, ready to start her nightly routine of homework then supper. She glanced up out the patio door then back down to her bag but knew she had seen someone outside. She shot her head back up in the direction of the swing set and saw him. Jace stood against the rusty pole with his back leaning against it and his hands in his pockets in all his golden glory.

Clary slowly made her way to the door. They hadn't met at that swing set in months, at least not since her dad died. She slowly pushed the door aside and stepped onto the patio locking her eyes on him. She knew something was different but couldn't place it at the time. She sighed inwardly hoping for the best, but knew it was bad. She trudged over to him and stopped a few feet away keeping a safe distance. She didn't know why she felt she needed the distance but she did.

Jace stood quiet just staring at her, almost like he was memorizing her and then he sighed. "I need to tell you something," he spoke quietly. "And I know…I know you're not gonna like it."

Shit! If he knew she wouldn't like it, why was he telling her in the first place? Clary swallowed hard and let her mind wander for a minute. Maybe he got some girl pregnant or fell in love. Maybe Celine and Stephen were moving…who knew? Her eyes never left his while the silence surrounded them and she could feel the tension. Jace pushed off of the post and neared her, only stopping when he was directly in front of her. She could reach out and place her palm against his chest without even having to extend her arm. She hadn't realized it but she had begun to fidget and no longer looked at him.

"Red, I need you of all people to be O.K. with this." He took her small hands in his pushing his fingers through the spaces in between hers trying to calm her, he always did it when her saw her fidgeting. She didn't know what she was so nervous about but her heart slammed in her chest almost like it was fighting to break free of it confines behind her rib cage.

"Tell me what it is and I'll tell you if I'm O.K. with it, but if you already know I won't like it then, I already know I'm not," she said still not meeting his gaze.

"I'm not accepting my NYU scholarship."

Now he had her fully, her head shot up and her jaw fell slack, "What?" Maybe she heard him wrong?

"I enlisted…in the Marines."

Now she knew she was hearing shit, "You did WHAT?"

"Red, please…"

"NO! I am NOT O.K. with this," she yelled, shaking her head rapidly, hair flying every which way. "Are you stupid, first my mom then my dad…now you're leaving me too?"

"I'm not leaving you."

"Oh no…of course not," she slammed her palms into his chest angrily, pushing him away but not far because he didn't budge much. "You enlist yourself in the one department of the military that is sure to put you on the front lines when we are in the middle of a war and you're not leaving me?"

"I don't go to basic until summer. When that's done, I'll be home for a while before I go to AIT and after that…" he grabbed her wrists and held them trying to keep her calm as he tried to explain.

"What after that?" Her eyes narrowed and bore daggers into him. "They just let you stay here without expecting you to go overseas after they've turned you into the 'Universal Soldier,'" she used quotation marks with her fingers.

"Red," he sighed.

"I don't wanna hear it Jace. Go on…" she ripped her wrists painfully from his firm but not too tight grasp. "'Be all you can be,' that's what Marines do right?" She turned on her heels, walking as fast as she could back to her house but he caught her arm and pulled her back. She could see the struggle in his eyes and the worry that set into the crease between his eyebrows. She hated it, and him. How could he do this…leave her and need her to be O.K. with it? She pulled away again letting fury take over her and knew that he followed close behind.

"Can you just…" he sucked his teeth. "RED!" He called after her." Clarissa Adele Morgenstern," he called sternly, his hands balled into fits at his sides.

OH NO! HE. DID. NOT just use her full name. She stopped and spun on him again slowly pacing herself back to him. "Why, so you can give me some bullshit excuse like, you feel it's your duty to serve your county? Spare me Jace, you made your bed. Now lie in it," her words seeped with venom. He was still there, in front of her and she already felt his absence. She turned and ran up the stairs before he could see her break down.

It was weeks before they spoke again. She could feel his eyes on her at school and he would even sit outside at the swing set but she wouldn't, no, she couldn't go to him. Not while she held so much animosity towards him for the decision he had made. One day she came home from school to find him sitting on her front step waiting for her. He stood and blocked her way, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Move Jace," she growled at him.

"You can't avoid me forever Red," his tone was flat, out of character for him.

"I won't have to avoid you forever, just until you leave," she spat slamming her hands on her hips.

"It's April, I don't go to basic until June. You're going to avoid me for another two months?" his eye brows shot up and he sounded amused by her comment.

"Yep," she nodded.

"God you're stubborn," he sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"I learned it from your hard ass."

Jace laughed, "Well now that you mention it," his hand came up and rubbed his chin. "My ass is pretty rock solid." Clary made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes as she pushed passed him to unlock the front door. He turned and followed her in, determined to complete whatever mission he had set for himself. He was unrelenting in his task, following her around the house while she tried to avoid conversation. "Red…talk to me."

"What's there to talk about? You made your decision Stitches, you don't need me to be O.K. with it or you would have come to me first. I just don't understand. You've never brought it up before," she was fighting to hold back tears now. Truth be told, she wasn't just mad that he was leaving, she felt betrayed by him because he hadn't told her he was even considering something like this.

"O.K. your right, I don't NEED you to be O.K. with it but I want you to be. My dad's been pushing it for a few months now and I never brought it up because I didn't see it as an option until recently. The schooling they provide, the benefits, the opportunities after I've finished my contract with them will be worth it in the end."

Clary didn't care what his reasons were, all she knew was that one day they would call on her best friend to go out to some God forsaken Middle Eastern country to fight in a war that she thought was solely based on an arbitrary decision made by the leaders of their country. It was absurd to her that Jace would even consider it but she sucked it up, knowing that's what he wanted her to do and decided she would spend as much time with him as she could before he would leave for the summer. He had always supported and been there for her and if this was what he wanted then she would support him too. She shook her head and sighed.

"Don't Cry, Red," he said wiping her tears away.

~oOo~

The pastor had finished with his sermon and they were now headed to the cemetery. They drove until they met a small quiet spot atop a hill. A tree stood tall, shading the spot Jace would rest. Clary, Celine, Stephen, Simon, Izzy and Magnus all stood outside and watched as the casket was pulled from the hearse by six of Jace's former football team members, who carried it to his final resting place. Chairs lined the empty hole in the ground for everyone to sit. They all took their seats with flowers in hand and waited for the pastor to say his last peace.

"Unto almighty God we commend the soul of our beloved Jonathan; and we commit his body to the ground." He stepped toward Jace's coffin and pulled out a vial of salt drawing a cross at the head of it. "Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, and dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the resurrection unto eternal life, through our lord Jesus Christ. Amen."

Silence, it was the most maddening noise imaginable. BANG! Clary's heart hammered in her chest and her stomach sank. It wasn't the sound of the Honor Guards firing volley shots in Jace's honor that did it, or maybe it was. A slight breeze slipped through her hair sending a chill down her spine. BANG! Her breath caught and her hands started to shake as they began to fold the flag draped over his coffin. BANG! The last one slicing through her like a bullet had actually struck her heart, ceasing the banging in her chest but she was still there and he never would be again. The triangular shaped flag was placed in her hands and she wanted nothing more than to pry the coffin open and crawl in there with him. Clary held her ground, only one tear slipping passed her solid composure and she wiped it away quickly, straightening up into a stone cold statue, numb and unfeeling. Only she knew that on the inside she burned with agony and hoped that this was just a horrible nightmare that she would soon wake from to find him sleeping peacefully in their bed next to her.

Her heart had shattered into tiny unfixable pieces but somehow still beat in her chest. She heard Celine begin to weep while Stephen held her close. Even Izzy broke down and cried. Simon was at Clary's side with his hand resting on her shoulder, waiting for her to break but she wouldn't…not here. She didn't remember how she had gotten there but Clary sat on her couch with her legs pulled into her chest rocking herself back and forth. Tears trickled down her cheeks like never ending rivers. The only sounds she heard were the ones that came from her own whimpers and sobs. At random intervals, screams would rip through her causing her body to shudder and every muscle inside her was so tense that they began to spasm uncontrollably. The only thing her mind could comprehend was why, why, why? Clary couldn't live in a world where Jace no longer existed. He was her world. She felt as if she was fighting to keep herself a float, gasping for air and screaming for help but it was always him who saved her… slowly she came to the excruciating realization that…he was REALLY gone…and never coming back. She had to save herself or drowned.

~oOo~

He lay there on a dirt floor, the smell of blood and urine cutting through the haze in his head. He was hurt. He could only see out of one eye, the other swollen shut. He felt a burning sensation in his right leg and he couldn't move his left hand. It was hard to breath, cracked ribs but not broken. Thank God they weren't broken but his hand was and his leg was covered in blood. He was too weak to pull himself upright to inspect his injuries. What he did know was that as long as he felt pain, he was alive but whether that was good or not, was yet to be determined.

He saw her, in the back of his mind. Her silk red curls caressing his face. Clary's hair always smelled like lilacs, lavender and vanilla. He longed for it now more than ever. He missed her vibrant emerald eyes that could always see into him and understand him like only she could. He hungered to touch her smooth freckled skin and thirsted for her warm lips against his. Jace had promised her he would come home, like he had every time he was called to leave her and every time he came back. This time wouldn't be different. He never broke his promises to her. She was his everything, his light in the dark and with her he would find his way home.

* * *

><p><strong>Jace: I LIIIIIIVE!<strong>

**Me: Yes, you do! I'm thinking i have some VERY happy readers right now.**

**Jace: Me too. You can't kill me, it would just be a travesty against mankind!**

**Me: *roll my eyes***

**SO? Do i have happy readers? Comments, concerns, emotional outburst? They are all welcome!**

**Love it...**

**Hate it...**

**Review/Alert/Favorite it...PLZ :)**

**Tell me what you think guys...He is alive and um...not so well but...there is plenty more reading to come! I wanna hear your thoughts!**

**Clary: When does he get home?**

**Me: Does he ever get home you mean?**

**Clary: gasp! **


	9. Hold it Against Me

**Alrighty then! I have some HAPPY readers! I LOVE it! You guys rock...I'm serious! Totally rock! However you may not like me the next few chapters...We follow our Sexy dream boat and his life at this time is well...you'll see. **

******__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__******

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

Jace remembered the explosion. They had been ordered into what they thought was an abandoned building. It was littered with bullet holes and cracks in the walls that threatened to send it tumbling down on them. It was hot, but he had gotten used that. They all had. Jace was the leader of Alpha team, he and his team of five other men took the order to explore the building from their Sergeant, itching for something to do. Some men read playboy, others played cards in their free time. Jace shot shit. This was going to be his last tour of duty and then he was going to take some cushy desk job so he and Clary could get married. He should have taken that job sooner.

Jace's Sergeant wasn't happy with his decision to remove himself from field duty. He was the best they had. Jace and his team had the highest success rate for their missions compared to any black op's team out there. Usually they were just sent out to gather in-tell but this time was different. They had received information that Al' Qaeda leaders were gathering for a secret meeting close to their current position and were ordered to scope it out.

Jace rounded a corner with his back flat to the wall and heard the faint sound of quiet sobs. Jace slowly peered around the corner, his M16 at the ready and found a small child crouched with her arms wrapped around her knees. He had never seen this before but he had heard stories. They sacrificed their children in the name of their God and thought it was O.K.? He studied that girl. She couldn't have been more than five years old and strapped to her small chest was a vest of explosives. Jace's eyes widened and he sucked in a breath as he watched one of his team member's step toward her. He was about to speak and order him back but the vest beeped a series of sounds and Jace was thrown back.

His ears rang and his head pounded from the impact. He had been slammed into a wall and his whole body throbbed and protested. He vaguely heard voices and felt hands grip his arms and pull him up. He struggled and felt his skin burn around his neck and knew right away that his dog tags had been ripped away from him. Jace was rustled to his knees, hands bound behind his back. That was when he heard the snap and his wrist gave way. He was gagged, blindfolded and lifted into a truck then was cracked on the back of his head with the blunt end of a rifle. That was the last thing he remembered.

He lay there feeling the warm sun on his face but his body still trembled. If he could just touch her, talk to her, even just catch her scent he would be able to muster the strength to get himself out of this place. He searched in his mind for the next best thing, his memories, and no memory was sweeter that the one he dug up.

~oOo~

Jace and his team were granted a night out before they were to be flown to Afghanistan on their first tour of duty. They wound up at some bar sucking down beer like they would never have the opportunity again but since Jace was team leader his natural instinct was to make sure he was sober enough to keep them out of trouble. Half naked girls dance on poles around them but it wasn't a strip club. The music blared and women flocked to them like they had never seen men in army greens. BULLSHIT!

He didn't know how long he had been there and he was growing tired of the ugly women throwing themselves at him. He didn't know these people and was not interested in a free ride. He sat at the bar and joked with his 'new family', watching as they downed shot after shot. They were happy to be off base but Jace was more than at home there. The only other place that he could be happy was back at his real home in the states.

Jace talked to Clary as much as he could but it wasn't often. Last he knew she was accepted to Oxford and was studying art history. He thought that was a great opportunity for her and it was. He missed her though, missed the swing set and the ability to see her basically whenever he wanted. He had taken advantage of it and didn't realize it until it was too late.

He was about to get up and head back to base when he heard a sweet voice ring through the speakers. He knew that voice, craved it even. The sound was older and more mature but it was her, he had no doubt in his mind that it was her. His heart skipped a beat and he swung himself around to face the stage searching for her. He heard her whimsical laugh but still couldn't see her. A song started, her voice singing the words to it and then he saw a flash of red.

_Hey, over there, please forgive me. If I'm coming on to strong_

_ Hate to stare, but your winning and their playing my favorite song_

_ So come here a little closer, wanna whisper in your ear. _

_Make it clear, a little question. Wanna know just how you feel…_

Jace leapt from his stool and pushed through the crowd blocking his view until he stood directly in front of the stage. There Clary stood, clad in a pair of skinny jeans, a green sparkly shirt and black pumps, shaking her hips back and forth to the beat of the song. Her eyes were closed, fully entrapped in her task. Clary never sang, so it surprised him to even see her up there but he heard the loud giggles of a small group of girls a few feet to his right and watched while Clary's eyes popped open and her cheeks flushed while pointing at them. They had to be classmates of hers.

_If I said my heart was beating loud, if we could escape the crowd somehow._

_ If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?_

_ 'Cuz you feel like paradise and I need a vacation tonight_

_ So if I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?_

Clary hopped off the stage and teased the crowd. She had definitely come out of her shell a bit, either that or she was wasted. Jace found it rather intriguing though. She would run her hand down the chest of one guy and then push him away finding another guy to smile seductively at while her friends cheered her on. Jace had to get her attention. He tried to shout to her but his voice was only drowned out by her own. His best hope now was that she would see him because frankly he was too entertained by her performance to stop her. He stood there with his eyes intent on the beautiful girl in front of him. Other girls around him pulled at his crossed arms trying to get him to dance with them but he just shrugged them away. She eventually made her way back up the stage, pulling a couple girls with her and they sang together in the worst rendition of 'Hold it Against Me' he had ever heard.

It was dark in the bar and he could understand why she didn't see him. Strobe lights flashed and flickered around the large room and seemed to stop right on him. Clary's eyes followed the light and then his locked with hers. She stopped singing and her lips grew into a wide toothy smile. "HOLY SHIT!" she yelled into the microphone. She squealed happily into it and bounced up and down excitedly. Jace had to laugh because that was damn cute. She pointed at him, "That's my fucking best friend!" She announced to the people surrounding them.

She dropped the black device that only seemed to serve as a barrier between them with a loud thud and tossed herself in his direction, leaving her friends to finish the song. He hadn't expected it but he caught her and wrapped his arms around her tiny waist tightly as if he was trying to make their body's one. Clary's legs encompassed his waist and her feet locked around his lower back, her arms so tight he could barely breathe but he didn't mind. He was just happy to see her.

"I've missed you, Red," he whispered into her neck then sucked in her flowery scent.

"I've missed you too, Stitches," he heard her muffled voice and felt the heat of her breath on his neck.

Clary and Jace introduced one another to their friends and filled each other in on life the best they could amidst the loud music and random strangers that surrounded them. They laughed and joked and their friends bought them shots, absinthe really was some tasty stuff but after one shot he knew Clary had enough. It was late and Clary's friends were antsy to leave back to their dorms and his team back to base.

"C'mon Clary we're leaving," her friend, Maia as Jace was introduced, called her. She was curvy and had flawless dark skin. Not bad looking at all in Jace's opinion.

"I…" Clary started turning to her but then quickly back to Jace. "I don't want to go."

"Well you kinda have to," she scoffed.

"No she doesn't, tomorrow's Saturday. I'll make sure she gets back," Jace gave her an encouraging smile but she didn't seem convinced.

"Maia, I'm good. It's Jace…safest person in my world. I'll get back O.K." Clary took her hand and squeezed.

"Hey man," Jordan came up behind Jace and slapped him on the back. "We're headin' back to base. You comin'?" Jordan was his second, one of the few people he trusted to have his back. He was tall and seemed to be able to charm the ladies like Jace could. It's like they were brothers from another mother.

"Nah, I'm gonna hang out with Red for a bit," Jace shook his head and gestured toward the red head next to him. Jordan smiled wickedly and Jace scoffed, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "Best friend you asshat, not a piece of ass." Jordan laughed and nodded giving him that, "Yeah O.K." look. "Get the hell out of this bar before you break your face on my fist," Jace joked. Clary turned and smiled brightly, biting her bottom lip. He couldn't put his finger on it but it sent a strange emotion through him. Clary and Jace walked through the streets of Amsterdam pointing out things they thought were weird or funny and cracked jokes until they came across a vacant motel and hit up an all-night gas station for food. It was like it used to be, Jace hadn't realized he missed her THAT much.

Jace sat at the desk gazing at her from under his long blonde lashes. She had said something funny and he let out a deep chuckle shaking his head. "So how's that playboy attitude of yours working out in the Marines?" she asked with a coy look, shoving a cheeto in her mouth.

"It's the Marines Red, not a convent. There are females on base who like sex," he rolled his eyes.

"Ah I see… So in other words, nothing's changed…" she added sucking on her finger tips

"I find other ways to keep myself busy, but an occasional meeting in the middle of the night isn't unheard of," he said dismissively.

"Uh Huh," she nodded at him, not believing him at all.

Jace peered at the alarm clock to the right of the bed, midnight on the dot. He knew he should leave, go back to base but he didn't want to leave her. He wanted to stay with her as long as he possibly could. He didn't want to go back and have to continue living a life that she wasn't a part of. He suddenly became aware of an overwhelming feeling screaming at him to be closer to her. She was only a few feet away but it was too far.

He stood, shuffled over to the bed and Clary bounced aside making room for him next to her patting her hand on the light blue comforter. He smirked and let out a sigh, shoving his hands in his pockets. Clary looked at him suspiciously and sat up on her knees, looping her fingers in Jace's belt loops. "What's up?" Her eyes searched him for the answers because she knew him well enough to know he wouldn't just spill it.

He wanted to touch her, just to make sure she was really there, "nothing," he grinned. "I just really miss having you around." He brought his hands up and cupped her cheeks leaning his forehead against hers.

"Well I'm here now, so take advantage and be grateful I'm spending my precious time with you," she laughed.

"Smart ass."

"I learned from the best," she said pulling back slightly.

Jace's lips curled into a crooked grin and then something in his head snapped. He realized he knew everything about her that there was to know except some very, fine…details and he wanted to know them, needed to know them. She peered at him so trusting and beautiful. He couldn't help it, he had to. He lowered his nose and grazed hers lightly like he had the last night they were that close. He was testing her to see how willing she was. Their breath mingled and he dug the tips of his fingers into her skin, lightly though as not to hurt her and pulled her lips closer.

He guided his lips slowly across hers still testing, giving her the opportunity to object but, she didn't. Jace felt her hands loosen and climb his chest, balling his t-shirt into fists. He finally took her lips with his and heard a quiet moan escape her. A sudden jolt of want shot through him. How was she doing that? It was just like last time and he had a hard time stopping then. Her tongue slid past his teeth, stroked his, sending a low growl of desire from the back of his throat.

Her fingers released his shirt and drew up his neck finding the soft curls behind his ears. Her body now pressed up against his and he could feel her warmth through his shirt. He needed to touch her, explore her with his hands and then his lips. His hands left her face and travelled down to rest on her hips but played at the seam of her shirt. He wanted it gone, and no sooner than the thought crossed his mind, he was pulling it over her head. She followed suit and his came next.

He heard her exhale slowly and swallow hard, and then her eyes met his. He saw something there that he never had before, hunger, thirst he didn't quite know but what he saw in them was what he felt. She backed away creating more distance between them and it damn near hurt to not have her in his arms. He crawled onto the bed and attacked her mouth with his again. Clary pushed him down on his back and straddled him. She ran her hands across his chest and he could feel her fingers tremble. Was she nervous because he sure as hell was.

Jace sat up, "Red," it came out in a shallow, shaky breath.

"Shhh," Clary brought her fingers to his lips, "just touch me Stitches."

Jace pushed her soft fiery curls away from her face, letting his finger- tips graze her cheeks. Clary's head fell back and she let out a breath. Jace trailed his fingers along her collar bone while he kissed the delicate skin behind her ear. He fought to keep his hand steady as he ran it down her body, between her breasts, down until he reached the waist of her jeans and gripped it tightly, tugging on it. Those needed to go too.

Clary pulled her head back up and Jace rolled her onto her back, letting his lips now take the same path his hand had. She let out a quiet giggle when he reached her stomach. Jace fumbled with the button on her pants and cursed himself inside. He never fumbled, EVER! Her jeans came off willingly and he ran his tongue up her leg, stopping to lightly nip at her knee and place butterfly kisses against her thigh. He heard Clary's breath catch and smiled. Clary pulled him back up and ran her tongue across his lips. She took his bottom lip between her teeth and sucked on it. It made his mind go blank and his body burn.

He felt her hands on his belt, releasing the cinch. She didn't fumble. Wait! She didn't fumble? God he was an idiot. She had his pants to his knees now and her finger tips dug into his lower back never breaking the kiss. He needed her in such a way he never needed anyone. In a matter of seconds his pants and boxers were completely gone, as well as her bra and panties.

He supported his weight with one arm next to her head and pulled her knee up with the other. She brought the other up creating the perfect space for him. Jace's upper arms shook as he lowered himself into her. They both exhaled at the feeling of the other. When he couldn't go any further he stayed there unmoving, drinking in the sensation. She was warm and soft and perfect.

He felt her shift her hips and open up to him further, his body yearned for him to move. He linked his fingers with hers, pulling her hands above her head and used them as leverage to move slowly. Clary met every one of his thrusts with one of her own and they moved fluidly together. Her legs tightened around his waist pulling him toward her. He felt her constrict around him and her breathing pick up. He heard a moan escape her nearly sending him over the edge.

"Jace," she said breathily pulling her hands free and placing them on his lower back slowing him even more. Slowing him…he was already fighting to keep his self-control in check. He pulled back to look at her and immediately understood. She didn't want it to be over.

"I know," he whispered. He didn't want it to be over either because when it was, they had to go back to reality and reality meant he had to leave her. His body disobeyed his thoughts already being too close and he knew she was too. Her muscles contracted around him and she moaned calling his name, pushing him over edge with her. It was bliss and pain all at the same time because it was the end.

Tears ran down her cheeks, although whether they were happy or sad he couldn't tell. Jace ran his thumbs along her face to dry them and pressed his forehead to hers kissing her gently. He heard her whimper and she pulled back sucking in a deep breath. Jace sighed and rolled onto his back knowing exactly how she felt.

Clary laid her head on his chest and drew intricate circles into his stomach while he stroked her silky hair. "I don't want to sleep," she said weakly. Jace sighed and kissed the top of her head wrapping his arms around her. It seemed to calm her somewhat, enough for her to accept sleep and be content with the fact that he was there now.

Jace woke with his nose buried at the base of her neck, the scent of lilacs filling his head. He smiled to himself remembering how good she felt, how perfect she was for him, how perfect she always had been and he was just too stupid to see it before. He pressed his hand flat against her stomach and pulled her close, craving her warmth and ran his lips along her shoulder.

Jace felt her jerk and her calm quiet breathing was now the opposite. It was strained and heavy. He propped himself up on his elbow and pulled Clary onto her back, using more force than he felt he should have had to. It broke his heart to see the pain in her eyes as tears filled them. He pushed her hair away from her face and she leaned her cheek into his hand. If only this had happened sooner, he would have never joined the Marines.

It was early, seven A.M. at best. He still had time and would take advantage of every second she gave him. Jace ran his nose across her cheek bone and his lips along her jaw. He pulled her face toward his and met a deep sea of green. So many questions hidden behind them, to which he wasn't sure if he had the answers to just yet. He saw the fear, fear of him leaving and not coming back. The pain of having to let him go and know there was no way to stop it. The need for him to be close and her want for him to tell her he would come back no matter what it took.

He told her slowly, patiently, giving her all the answers he could. With each movement he told her he loved her. He told her he had always loved her and he always would. "Don't cry," he whispered sweetly while she clung to him for dear life. Tears ran down the sides of her face and he caught each one with a kiss. He knew that leaving her now would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do.

~oOo~

What he wouldn't give to have her close now. It hadn't been all peaches and cream after that either because, Christ that girl is stubborn but it's one of the things he loves most about her. Jace mustered the strength to push himself up and lean against a wall, cradling his broken wrist and guarding his cracked ribs. He dreaded even letting them see he was awake because he knew how this would go. They would torture him until they got the answers they wanted and if they didn't get them he would die. That just wasn't an option for him. He needed to get home to Clary. A sense of urgency sped through him and he didn't know why. He just knew she needed him.

* * *

><p><strong>EEEK! Jace has been taken hostage by ALIENS...O.K. not really but he could have been...Maybe in a different story...So now you know. He is being held captive and he is hurt...Don't send me death threats! lol kidding, no I'm not. I don't like those HA HA. I know you won't! Have faith in me K?<strong>

**SO...If you haven't heard, I have a BETA , In the Fray, and I LOVE her! She did a great job on this chapter and will also be beta-ing...OOH new word...Last Words! If you haven't read it yet, do it! OR...check out my Beta's story "All's Well that End's Well" I love her story!**

**Anyway...enough chit chat! You know what to do...**

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	10. Would it have made a difference

********__**Alrighty guys! here is the next chapter... **__********

********__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__********

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

It hurt to breath; each breath he took was ragged and shallow. Jace winced as he tried to position himself so it wasn't so painful. He took this as an opportunity to survey his surroundings. He was locked in some kind of cell, underground he figured. The floor was made of dirt and the walls around him were a rocky, cement texture. It was hot and cold all at the same time, the air was damp and only made the urine and blood smells linger longer.

Jace inspected his leg. He had been burned in the explosion which explained the fiery sensation. He was sweating but it wasn't from the heat, he was feverish. His body was fighting infection. His leg wasn't terribly bad but without proper treatment it would only get worse. His hand thrummed with a dull ache and he was able to open his eye but only enough to see a blurry haze. He didn't speak any of the native languages around here. He could pick out some words but he was screwed either way.

Cursing out those who captured him would not be a smart move, especially in their own language. "Fuck your mother," probably wouldn't get him home. Funny how the first phrases of a different language you learn are always the worst. He needed to think of a plan because he knew that if he were to get out, he would have to do it on his own. He had seen that most of his team was killed and no one would come looking for him. They probably assumed he was dead too. At that thought his head snapped up and he clutched around his neck for his tags…gone…FUUUUUCK! His head fell and smacked the hard, damp wall behind him. If they found his tags…he was dead to them and dead to them would mean, dead to…Red!

His heart hammered in his chest and a chorus of curse words strung out of him. He ran his good hand through his moist, very curly hair and tugged on it. He tried to keep himself calm, tried to stifle the panic that rose in him, damn near sending him into cardiac arrest. She wouldn't believe it would she? That freaky bond that had formed between them over the years would tip her off that he was alive, right? He began to doubt that in his mind. He was fucking losing it, of course she would believe it…he would, wouldn't he? He couldn't bear the thought of what she must be going through. She would hate him. He saw her in his mind crumpled up on the floor clutching a letter…a god damned letter, crying uncontrollably. That was enough to send him over board. What had he done?

All of the arguments they had had over the past four years ran through his head. At one point in time he had to fight to keep her because of his stupid need to be with his team, to make sure that they got home to their families too. He bared such a terrible weight for them on his shoulders that he didn't take into consideration the responsibility he had at home for himself and her. She never quite understood that it wasn't his choice to leave though, she was his everything and he never would have left if he didn't have to.

~oOo~

After the night in Amsterdam Jace was sent off on his mission to be stuck in the sandy hell known as, Afghanistan for ten months. Clary would be home from school by the time he returned and the only thing that got him through each day, was knowing that hers would be the first face he saw when he got off that plane in the states. She had promised she would be there. All that clouded his mind was her, his Red…HIS. But she wasn't, and that bothered him. They were both free to see other people and he hated that someone else could be touching her and loving her the way he wanted to be.

They hadn't talked. He was busy building information for his higher ups and she was busy at school. All their conversations consisted of was, 'I miss you's,' and 'I can't wait to see you's,' before one of them was pulled away for something. It was like the whole world was against them now that they had woken up to the truth. They had all the time they ever could have asked for when they were still in school and now it seemed there was never enough.

He had gotten the best news of his life when his commanding officer gave him a letter stating he was being sent home early for leave and instead of two weeks he would get a month. Maybe the world wasn't against them; extra time was exactly what he wanted. His only complaint was that he would still have to come back to this damn hell hole. He damn near couldn't keep up with himself, calling Clary before he even had the whole letter read and she squealed with excitement.

He called her when he left hell. He called her when he got to Germany. He called her when he left Germany and when he unboarded that plane he had to restrain himself from running people over to get to her. He didn't see Clary at first, or his parents but he told them what time he would be getting there. His head fell with disappointment and then he felt tiny fingers grip his chin. He lifted his head to be greeted by a huge smile and bright green eyes.

"You know," Clary said rubbing her thumb on his chin. "I heard chicks dig scars."

"Really?" one of his eyebrows jetted up. "I've got lots; you can inspect them all later. Well," he paused, "Sooner than later." He broke out that sexy smirk and wrapped his arms around her waist twirling her in a circle. Clary wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in the crook of his neck. Of course his parents had to ruin it by showing up.

"Hey," Celine scolded pointing at them. "Doesn't your mother get a go?" She smiled, arms open wide.

Jace reluctantly set Clary down and picked up his mother twirling her around too. Stephen greeted him with a hearty hug and pat on the back. Jace swung his bag over his shoulder but his father protested and took it from him. He hung his arm around Clary's shoulders and kissed her temple while sucking in a breath of her lilac scented hair. God he missed that. "So how soon can you inspect those scars," he whispered sarcastically in her ear.

"As soon as humanly possible," she smirked.

Well that didn't turn out to be soon enough. His mother had him doing fix it jobs around the house and yard work outside. On top of that, Jonathan was home and they weren't ready to tell anyone what was going on yet. They had little time to talk over the first couple days he was home with Clary interning at the Guggenheim. Isabelle came through though, and had everyone meet up at Pandemonium to welcome Jace and Alec home, he was on leave too. It was a Friday night and all the old crew showed up.

It couldn't have been a better night with all of his favorite people in one room. A big room but still, they were all there. Jace stuck close to Clary all night, not letting her out of his sight. Simon and Izzy were surprisingly chummy and Alec and Magnus went MIA after about two hours. He watched Clary and Izzy grind on the dance floor…not at all liking it. What was wrong with him? Two hot chicks rubbing on each other and he hated it? His only other option was to talk to Simon who was more than appreciative of the sight before him. He didn't feel the same way about Simon as he used to either, odd how things change.

At midnight Jace announced his departure and Clary hopped at the opportunity to have him take her home. Simon shot her a nasty look because he had driven her there to begin with. Maybe the old feelings he had for that Harry Potter look alike really were still there, because Jace shot him one right back. Clary locked her fingers with his before he had a chance to say a few choice words to Simon and led him to the exit, almost running toward the car.

"So I see things haven't changed with you and Si," she giggled.

"Nope," he popped the P.

"You know it sucks having two best friends who don't get along"

"We'll never get along Red."

"Why, it's kinda stupid if you…."

"Because," he cut her off. "Generally when guys want the same thing from the same person, they don't get along. Simon was just too stupid to do anything about it while I was too stupid to see it. He knew, he knew the day we met. It took Amsterdam for me to fucking figure it out."

"Figure what out?" She asked staring so hard he thought she may have turned to stone because she didn't move, he swore she was even holding her breath. She was playing dumb on purpose, just to make him say it, damn her.

"That I don't want there to be anyone else…for you…but me." He sounded like a sappy, love sick, teenage girl. Shit! She had turned him into a damn Nicholas Sparks character. Fucking women…no, not all, just her. She was silent for far too long and it made him nervous. Was he wrong this whole time? Had he read too far into that night? No, he was sure he hadn't. His hands started to sweat and his heart fell to his stomach. He heard her sigh aloud and she looked out the window. How long was she going to make him wait? He was about to say fuck it and take it back but then she spoke.

"Then…there won't be, if…"

"If?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yes if," She nodded still not looking at him.

"If what?"

"If there isn't anyone for you…but me," Clary said quietly letting the full force of her emerald eyes loose on him.

"Oh no," he shook his head. "Now you've just gone too far," he said. Sarcasm dripped over every syllable. He stole a glance in her direction and noticed the hard set line her lips made. He couldn't help but laugh. She softened but only enough to pull back and sock him in the arm. "Ouch," he whined rubbing it but it didn't really hurt.

"You're a jack ass," she smirked.

"Yeah, it's one of my better qualities," he shrugged.

"Jonathan's gone for the weekend."

"Is he?" Jace said in an inquiring tone.

"Yup," she said pushing herself down in her seat and propping her feet on the dash.

Jace eyed her bare legs. She was wearing a freaking skirt! A fucking skirt! And he had been too busy catching up with everyone to notice or even take advantage. "What ever will you do with yourself?"

"Well, I had a few things planned but my partner in crime turned out to be A JACK ASS, so…I'll have to figure something else out," she said. The side of her mouth drew up in a smirk as she examined her nails.

"Well, that sucks. My parents turned my room into a home theatre so I guess I'll be sleeping outside," he lied.

She gasped dramatically, "You don't have a room?" she placed her hand flat on her chest and turned toward him with wide eyes. "You poor thing, you can stay at my house but…" she pointed at him and he looked at her expectantly. "You have to work for your room and board, my generosity isn't free and I don't take on charity cases often."

"You drive a hard bargain," he smirked. "but as I have no other place to go, I gladly accept your offer and I'll work all night if need be to repay you for your kind offer," Jace said as he pulled up in front of her house and parked the car. He was caught off guard when she reached over and pulled him in for a kiss. It started out soft and sweet and then jolt of pain shot through his bottom lip. The metallic taste of his own blood filled his mouth. Clary pulled back and smiled viciously while pulling the lever to the car door, getting out and slamming it shut.

She leaned into the open window and in a singsong voice said, "Catch me if you caaan," pulling off her heels as she said it. Jace flung the door open and she giggled as they bound toward the house, flew through the front door, and leapt up the steps. He caught her in front of her bedroom door and pushed her up against it. His hand rested on her neck and made a path for his lips to follow, along her shoulder and across her collar bone. His hand pushed down, further and further until his fingers danced at the hem of her skirt and ran up the inside of her thighs. His hand dipped under the silk fabric of her panties and her breath caught as he teased her.

Her head fell back against the door and her breaths came faster and heavier. Her hands came up over his shoulders and balled the back of his t-shirt into fists giving her leverage to pull her head back up and rest her forehead on his. He felt her body tense and her muscles spasm around his fingers, doing exactly as he wanted and she moaned against his lips. Score one for Jace. His hands came around her backside and gripped the backs of her legs, fingers digging into her skin as he drew her legs around him.

Clary reached for the knob, twisted it and he kicked the door open, carrying her to the bed where he sat with her on his lap. His shirt came off and hers followed along with her bra. He snaked one arm around her waist, guiding her on top of him and his free hand cupped her cheek while he nipped and sucked on her chest. Was there anything about her that didn't taste, smell or feel good because if there was he had yet to find it. Clary placed both her hands flat on his chest and pushed him down on the bed. She scooted off his lap to unclasp the button on his jeans followed by the sound of his zipper being pulled down and his pants and boxers were gone as well.

A warm, wet feeling surrounded him and her tongue…Christ where did she learn how to do that with her tongue? A deep groan slipped passed his lips. She damn near ended the night! Well…almost. Jace shot back up, slipped her skirt and panties down her legs and lifted her back onto his lap. He let her lower herself onto him but not all the way, not yet. Her arms latched around his neck and her lips found his ear and she ran her tongue along the outer shell and then nibbled on his ear lobe. She moaned softly when he had lowered her completely, but he didn't let her move. She grew tired of his dominance and pushed his hands off of her hips and rocked herself back and forth. He allowed her that and leaned back on his elbows while she kissed his neck and chest, until it started to feel too good.

He picked her up again and pushed her to the bed taking her from behind and entering her slowly. He leaned over her, pulled her hair aside and ran his lips along her shoulders, only making small short movements. Her hands twisted into fists in the yellow comforter beneath her and she panted into it. It still felt too damn good. He flipped her and knelt at the edge of the bed letting his tongue do the work until he had her writhing in ecstasy. Score two for Jace. They fought for dominance for another hour before he let her have her way, the final score…Clary one, with a few too many close calls and Jace four.

"I may have to take on your case more often," she sighed running her fingers lightly across his chest as she lay beside him.

"I'll make it worth your while. I'm a harder worker and I'm damn good at my job," he smirked running his fingers along her spine.

"I think I'm gonna have to deflate that enormous ego of yours too," she chimed peering up at him.

He laughed, "Good luck. I'll be needing the names of all your past boyfriends so I can beat the living hell out of them though. You've clearly been well taught."

"Mmm, there's only one name I can give you. I think it would be quite comical to see you kick HIS ass though," she said now tracing the indentations of his abs.

"You don't think I can?" he asked looking down at her with his eye brows raised.

"I didn't say that. I just think it would be a pretty even match," she smiled knowing he didn't like to be bested.

"He's bigger than me?"

"No," she sniffed a laugh.

"Then why would it be so funny?"

"Because I've never seen anyone beat the shit out of themselves," she said lightly.

His face fell at the realization of what she just said, "What? You're joking right?" He sat up and she sat up with him. "That was the first time you…." He sighed. "And you didn't feel the need to tell me?" He was frustrated. They told each other everything, why hadn't she told him that? He guessed he should have known since she never told him there had been anyone else.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head while playing with the blanket wrapped around her.

"Why not?" he pushed almost angrily, grabbing her chin and making her meet his eyes. "Why wouldn't you tell me that?"

"When would you have liked me to tell you?" she smacked his hand away, "Earlier in the night when we were still at the bar or right before it happened? Cuz' I could so see that panning out well…" she leaned in and her eyes narrowed, 'Oh and by the way Jace, I'm still a virgin.'" She mocked herself. "It's not something you just randomly bring up in conversation with someone."

"I'm not just someone," he spat between gritted teeth.

"Oh, get over it. I made a decision at the spur of the moment and went with it."

"You should have told me!" he growled

"Like you should have told me you were thinking about enlisting before you actually did it?"

His jaw dropped and he felt the blood drain from his face, "That isn't fair."

"It's the same difference. I didn't think it was fair either. 'Oh hey, Red...I enlisted in the Marines and that means I'll be living in Afghanistan ten months out of the year for god knows how long. I won't see you or get to talk to you much so…have a nice life. You're still my best friend though." She mocked him sarcastically. "Would me telling you have made that big of a difference?"

"Yes."

"And what would you have done differently? Asked me if it hurt or tried to make it sappy and romantic?"

"I wouldn't have done it at all," he yelled pulling his legs over the side of the bed and hunching his shoulders to sigh into his hands cursing. Clary's jaw fell open and she recoiled away from him. He felt the bed shift and looked back at her, arms crossed over her chest, her posture stiff and angry.

"I wanted to and you wanted to…and, I knew that if I told you it wouldn't matter if we wanted it or not. I needed you. I needed you to stay. I needed you close, as close as I could physically get you and that was the only way." Jace turned back and listened as she talked. "I replayed it over and over and over in my head after that for months, telling myself I was stupid because I could have completely fucked everything up. I could have lost my best friend over the course of that night because…" he turned back, waiting for her to finish, "Because I'm selfish."

Jace huffed and his shoulders relaxed, he understood, he needed her too. He couldn't say that he regretted her decision in any way because had she not made that choice, they wouldn't be here now and he liked where they were. He had to ask though because he felt like a complete ass, "did…" he paused and she looked up at him, her eyes softer now. "Did I hurt you? Even now, tonight, did it…hurt?" Her eyes dropped to her hands and she smirked. "Red."

"I wouldn't necessarily say it hurts," she said folding her hands. "It's more of an annoying burning sensation and no, I didn't get that this time. It's not like you're hiding a whale in your pants or anything…" she giggled quietly. Jace shook his head with an incredulous look on his face and threw a pillow at her. She caught it and laughed harder.

"Not a whale Red, an anaconda. I'll be reasonable about it," he said leaning back to her.

"I told you, I'm not stroking your ego anymore," she chimed pushing his head back against the pillow.

"As long as you stroke my anaconda instead, I'll accept that."

"Shut up, Stitches," she rolled her eyes and laughed.

Jace spent every night he could with her over the course of the next few weeks. They still managed to keep under Jonathan's radar. They hung out every day, proving that they were still best friends but on a whole new level. They were still their normal selves with the exception of lots and lots and LOTS of sex. That euphoric high came crashing down on them when it came time for him to leave again.

Jace, Clary and his parents stood in the airport saying their goodbyes, the two of them trying to be as discrete about their new found…friendship as possible. He hugged his parents and kissed his mom on the cheek, saving Clary for last. She already had tears in her eyes and it felt as though someone was ripping his heart out and stomping on it. He hugged her tightly knowing it wasn't enough, kissed her cheek and whispered, "Don't cry, I'll be back soon. I promise." She only gripped him tighter unwilling to accept what he was saying. He pulled her arms gently; releasing the choke hold she had on him and kissed her forehead. He had almost made it onto the plane when he heard her call his name. He spun on his heel just in time for her to crash into him and press her lips against his. That's when Stephen and Celine found out.

He was finally able to call her a week later, happy to hear her voice. She was distant and not herself and then she told him, "I can't do this Jace. I can't handle you being so far away. I need someone who's here." She wept the whole time she said it. She had shattered his world in three sentences and there was nothing he could do about it.

~oOo~

Jace heard foot-steps and voices drawing closer. He slumped over to pretend he was still asleep and heard the jingling sound of keys. He had to fight to keep his breathing steady which only caused his chest to ache more but then felt the cold metal of a gun nudge his shoulder. Checking to see if he was still alive? Jace kept his eyes closed and hoped they would just leave him be. That was too much to hope for because something hard and cold slammed into his jaw. Let the torturing begin.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Again...THANK YOU to my FANTASMAL Beta, In the Fray. I think i love you! In a completely heterosexual, friend way! haha! <strong>_

_**Jace: first I'm dead...Now your going to have me tortured.**_

_**Me: Um correction, this story was your's and Clary's idea...you are having yourself tortured.**_

_**Jace: Um no! I wouldn't torture myself...(pause as realization sets in) CLARY!**_

_**Me: *evil smile* inner monologue (he will be mine) LMFAO!**_

_**Yup I'm Crazy! **_

_**Anyway, you know what to do!**_

_**Love it...**_

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_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_


	11. So fight

********__**Alrighty guys! here is the next chapter... **__********

********__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__********

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

The days blended together in a haze of pain and starvation. They fed him enough to keep him alive but weak enough not to get away. He knew his wrist was healing wrong and he couldn't correct it. His body still fought the infection brought on by his scalded leg. For now they just stuck to beating him around a bit, not even asking him anything. They beat him just to prove that he was theirs now.

This time when they came for him it was different. They led him to a different room. It was darker than the one he was accustomed to. The previous was a large room that smelled of vomit and burnt flesh. They would strap him to a chair, binding his arms and legs so he couldn't move. This time the room was small and in the center of it sat a feeble, wooden table with a bucket on it. He knew what this was, waterboarding. They had trained for it. This was the part where they would put a sack over his head and dunk him in water unable to suck air in through the bag, making his body believe he was drowning.

His chest still hurt and he still found it hard to breathe as it was. He didn't know if he could survive this. _How pathetic_, he thought. He would be killed by a tiny bucket filled with maybe a gallon of water. A man dressed in grey robes and a black turban stepped in front of him and gave him a toothy grin. He had a full black beard and his teeth were rotten. As Jace expected, the man had a bag in his hand and shoved it over his head, binding it around his neck. Jace sucked in a deep breath as they pushed him further and then he felt the water as they pushed his head under.

He didn't struggle. It was no use. That would only make breathing harder. He timed himself instead. Two minutes before they pulled his head up, he gasped for as much air as he could, feeling the burn in his lungs already but the sack over his head only curved into his mouth when he did it. That continued for at least an hour he guessed, before he was thrown back into his cell where he broke into a coughing spell that damn near did him in. There was only one other pain worse than what he felt now. Fighting for her was a battle he thought he would never win.

~oOo~

Jace hadn't talked to Clary in months. After the phone call, he just couldn't. He had tried. He couldn't count on his hands and feet how many times he had picked up the phone and stared at it. He missed her and even just hearing her voice would alleviate some of the ache he felt inside. Instead of giving in he would slam the phone back down and throw his hands up in frustration. Did she do that too? Didn't it bother her at all? Had she found someone else that fast? Wasn't he still her best friend?

When he got his orders to pack up and ship out he was more inclined to stay than go home. It wasn't home without her and she didn't want him. Who did she think she was? Everyone wanted him! When he got off that plane he couldn't help but hope that she was there waiting for him. His heart sped in his chest with anticipation only to fall into his stomach when he saw his parents there with big smiles but, no Red.

It was the worst car ride he had ever had. His mind raced with questions and he fought with himself over every tiny detail. He went directly to his room and unpacked his things neatly, arguing with his inner voice about whether to go over to her house or not. It was the middle of the day. She would be at the museum. He should wait. No, he shouldn't go at all. She should know that he was home though, right? He went back down stairs and found his parents. He had to know if she knew.

"Mom," he said quietly. He stood in the archway of their living room looking expectantly at her on the couch. She had a magazine in hand.

"Yes, dear," she answered looking up slowly.

"Did… did you tell Red I was coming home?"

"No, I thought you would have. I don't see her very often. She's busy at the museum. They gave her a permanent position there you know."

No, he didn't know and he should have. She should have called and gushed about how happy she was to get it but she didn't. He felt like he had been erased from her life completely. He didn't even know who she was anymore. She had always been his Red. His best friend and the one person on the face of the planet he could go to. He didn't feel that way anymore. He didn't have a choice now, he had to see her. He had to know if this was how life was going to be from now on or if they were still friends, still connected at the hip, inseparable by any means.

Jace left his mother there on the couch, staring after him in confusion and strode directly over to her house. He knocked and to his surprise it opened. It wasn't her though, it was Jonathan. "Jace?" he asked, unable to wrap his head around the sight in front of him.

"Is she home?" Jace asked no emotion present.

Jonathan stared at him, and he stared back. If he waited any longer to give an answer he would be lying on the floor. "No," he shook his head with a smirk on his face. "She is at work and last I knew she was going out with her boyfriend afterwards. I can tell her you stopped by. Does she know your home?"

Boyfriend? What the Fuck! This was not happening. She couldn't have a boyfriend. "No she doesn't, don't bother telling her I came by either. I'm sure we'll run into one another at some point."

He began to turn away but Jonathan stopped him, "Jace." He turned to face the blonde barrier that always seemed to be in his way with a hard set look on his face. He clenched his jaw and sucked in a breath. "She'll be happy your home. The last few months she's been…off, not herself. Maybe you can kick her back to her old self. The sun seems to rise and set on you in her world, if anyone can pull her back it's you. I just miss her, ya know?"

Yeah, he knew but he wasn't so sure he'd be able to bring her back, not when he was probably the reason for the change in her. He nodded to Jonathan and sulked back to his house planting himself on the couch to pout for a while. His mother made a large dinner that he picked at despite the fact that he missed the home cooked meals. He sat on his bed trying to read a magazine when out of the corner of his eye he saw a light flash. He looked out his window and waited to make sure it was actually her and then, there she was.

His heart did cartwheels in his chest then summersaulted to his stomach. She didn't even look over here. His light was on and it didn't faze her at all. Pure rage shot through every pore on his skin. Was he that easy to forget, that easy to toss aside like he had never even existed? He paced his room cursing under his breath and tugging on his hair. When he stopped his chorus of cuss words and looked back out the window, a pair of bright green orbs stared at him. She stood there, awe struck by the sight of him and then, in a flash of red, she was gone.

He knew where she would go and darted out of his room, throwing himself down the steps. They met at the swing set, out of breath and full of unanswered questions. Her hair was longer, now it reached her lower back. She looked like she may have lost weight, if that were possible because she was tiny as it was. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and never let her go but he knew he couldn't. He wanted to bury his nose in her soft hair. Did it still smell the same? Did it still smell like lilacs, lavender and vanilla? He wanted to know. He wanted that smell to wrap around him, drawing him into her.

"You weren't there," Jace said shoving his hands in his pockets to restrain himself from grabbing her and pulling her into him, making them one person. The way they should be.

"I didn't know you were coming home," she was quiet, still distant and he hated it. She usually threw herself in his arms. Even before everything happened, she never shied away from him.

"Would you have come if you knew?" His tone was demanding and short.

Clary shoved her thumbs in the back pockets of her jeans and looked in to the sky sighing loudly. She closed her eyes and as she brought her gaze back to him and said, "Would you have wanted me to?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He shrugged. "But what you want and what you get are too often never the same things." He watched as she bit down on her top lip and nodded. "Are you gonna talk to me?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"How about why you keep answering my questions with a question, don't patronize me, Red."

"I already told you everything," she whispered letting her head fall, her hair cascading around her face.

Now he was pissed. She was just gonna leave it at a phone call that consisted of five sentences? No! She wasn't getting off that easy. She was gonna spill whether she liked it or not. "You told me everything?" he laughed. "Wow, O.K." he sucked his teeth and took a step toward her. Clary's head lifted in surprise at his blatant sarcasm. "Late night, you must be VERY busy."

"I went out with Simon," her eyes narrowed and her tone changed. "What, I'm not allowed to have a life if you're not around? Sorry but you not being here was a choice you made not me," she yelled at him. She was mad, good at least he was getting somewhere.

"Simon," he said cocking his head. "You," he pointed. "You were out with Simon? Simon Lewis?"

"Yes Simon! The same Simon we've known since we were ten," she spat.

"The same Simon," he shook his head and scoffed. "That's a good one Red," he shook his finger at her. "I never saw you two as a couple. I have to say I'm a little shocked at that one. You told me everything though…" he rubbed his chin now. "It must've just slipped your mind I'm sure." He stepped toward her again but this time she backed away. That hurt, that stung him like no other.

"I don't have to watch Simon leave every few months. I don't have to sit by my phone and HOPE that I get a phone call once a week. I don't have to worry about whether or not the next time I see him, will be in a God damn body bag!" She growled. "The more I sat and thought about it, the more it bothered me. I couldn't do it, Jace. How could you expect that of me?"

"You're right," he said defeated. "I shouldn't have had so much trust in you. I should have pushed aside the fact that you are the strongest person I know and said, 'Fuck it, she can't handle this shit,'" he threw his hands up knowing his words would hurt but he didn't care. "It's my fault right? I should have known better," he pushed through gritted teeth. A stray piece of her hair danced in the light breeze and he fought the urge to push it back as a look of pure devastation crossed her face.

"You're an ass hole Stitches, I'm done. I don't wanna fight with you. I don't even know how to fight with you," she shrugged. "We've never fought a day in our lives."

"That's what happens when you care about people, you fight for them. So fight," he chanced closing the distance but didn't stop at just one step. He continued until they were face to face.

"You had me defeated before I even got to put my gloves on and it's not just about fighting for someone I care about. I…I love you," she whispered sadly, staring wide eyed at him.

Her revelation stunned him. They had never said it before. They didn't have to but it only enraged him. "All the more reason to fight harder, you think that you're the only person on the planet that has that worry? No, you're not!" Maybe he shouldn't have yelled at her. Maybe, just maybe, he should have said it back and she would have melted into him like he wanted her to but he needed her to see, hear and feel his pain at what she was doing.

"I can't lose you twice Jace, and that's what it would be if we were together. I can't lose my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time, I just can't," she backed away but only so she could look directly in his eyes. "Don't you see that?"

"I'm here, just like I promised I would be. Isn't that enough?"

"You're here now. What happens when they call for you again? You're not Superman, Stitches. A promise isn't going to stop a bullet from taking you away from me."

"You don't have to worry about the bullets Red, you're doing it all on your own," he backed away slowly and turned on his heel. Throwing his hand in the air he yelled "I hope you're happy with Simon, cuz' he won't get shot…stubborn ass."

They didn't talk for weeks and it was excruciating to have her so close but yet he felt like she was the farthest away she had ever been. Jace threw himself into other things. With his military background he was able to get a position on the Brooklyn P.D. and worked as much as he could. He found a place to live outside of his parent's house. He was an adult after all. He was packing one Saturday afternoon when he heard the floor boards creak behind him.

"Red," he said without turning to her.

"Stitches…how do you always know it's me?"

"Because you're the only one who makes that board creak like that," he answered shoving his clothes in a box.

"You're mom said you got a job with the P.D. and you're moving?" She crept inside his room and stood next to him by the bed. She picked up one of his t-shirts and smiled. His high school t-shirt. The one he wore homecoming night. It felt good to have her there, it felt right, but he wasn't going to show her that.

"Yup," he popped the P watching her with that shirt out of the corner of his eye.

"So many memories," she murmured. "It'll be weird not having you next door," she sat down and flattened it on her lap but only after she smelled it.

"Yeah well, things change. I can't live at home forever. Won't being here piss Simon off or something?" He asked, shoving a lid on the box.

She smiled and fiddled with the shirt some more, "Simon," she scoffed. "No he won't be pissed."

Finally, he looked at her briefly and picked up the box setting it next to the wall, "Why not? I would be if I were him."

"I guess that's why I always had two best friends. You balanced each other out. He's always been the wisest of the three of us," her eyes followed him around the room.

"I don't know. I'm pretty fucking brilliant if you ask me," he snorted.

"I didn't ask you," she said. Jace just shrugged.

"Why are you here?" He finally asked. "You have a boyfriend to irritate don't you?"

"Since when do I irritate you," she stood and planted her hands on her hips.

"Since now," he huffed and started on another box. "I have shit to do and I'm sure Simon will be around to grovel at your feet soon. I'd rather not be around to see it."

"No he won't, Simon is with Izzy."

"Oh, well now I actually feel sorry for him. Hanging out with Izzy sucks," he scoffed

"He's not just hanging out with Izzy. He's on a date with Izzy."

Jace dropped the box he'd been holding and his jaw fell open, "Wow, never figured you to be the type to have an open relationship."

"Shut up Stitches," she shook her head. "We aren't together anymore."

"And why is that?"

"Because he knows it's you," she inched forward. "That it always has been you," another step. "And it always will be you," she stood in front of him now her bright green eyes burning into his soul. His hands shot up and cupped her face pulling her into him as if a piece of him had been missing and he was trying to put it back in its rightful place. He kissed her and held her and never wanted to let her go.

He had actually managed to convince her to move in with him. Jonathan was less than pleased but Clary didn't seem to care. She moved in a month after he did and at that point, life was better than it ever had been. Six months rolled by seamlessly with the exception of the occasional argument over bills or not enough time spent together but what couple didn't do that? Jace came home from work one November evening and did his normal routine. He made sure the spare key was still in its normal hiding place, greeted the landlord on his way passed the office and checked the mail. He shuffled through the multicolored envelopes until he came across a cream colored one with a Marine crest on it.

Jace took the stairs slowly, ripping the letter open and pulling out the greyish paper it held. He stopped, sat on the step and re-read that letter over and over again. He was going back. How the hell was he supposed to tell her he was leaving for another nine months? She would flip, maybe even leave. His hands shook and his heart bound in his chest. This couldn't be happening. They were happy, life was good. They had FISH, only because they couldn't have a dog in the apartment. What was he going to do?

Clary found him an hour later, still sitting on those steps. He somehow never found the ability to make his legs move. She stood at the bottom, her eyes brightened at the sight of him the way they always did. When she saw his pained expression her smiled faded slowly and she tip toed up the steps until she stood in front of him. He pulled her onto his lap, her thighs resting gently against his hips and gripped her cheeks. "I love you, you know that right?"

Clary's face twisted into worry. Her eyebrows strewn together creating a crease between them and her eyes searched his. She always seemed to be able to find the answers she sought after in his eyes. "Stitches?" her voice cracked on his name.

"Just," he sucked his teeth and leaned his forehead against hers. She gripped the sides of his uniform and her eyes fell shut. "Tell me you know. Tell me you know, that I always have and I always will and that…I wouldn't leave you if I didn't have to." The last part was a whisper and came out with strain. She had been holding her breath while he spoke and tears trickled slowly down her cheeks now. "Don't cry, Red. Please God, don't cry. Just tell me you know. I need you to."

The sob finally crawled its way out of her and she forced her face into the crook of his neck. "I know," she said weakly, wrapping her arms around him. "I know." They sat on those steps like that, rocking side to side just holding one another for hours. He told her he would call every chance he got and that he would write everyday but he knew it wasn't good enough even though she put on her best face for him.

"Don't forget to feed the fish-sticks. I just don't know what I'd do without them," he whispered sarcastically. He felt her giggle lightly against his chest. At least she could still laugh, they could do this. They would get through this and be stronger for it in the end.

~oOo~

She really was the strongest person he knew and now he had to be strong enough to get back to her. His meal for the night…a metal cup of dirty water and a piece of moldy bread, this was getting ridiculous. Every time they bound his wrists he felt the bone re-break. His ribs would never heal because it seemed to be their favored punching spot and his leg only began to ooze puss as the infection spread further. He needed help but knew it would never come. His days were numbered at best and the torturing would only get worse.

Clary invaded his dreams and in them, she took him away. He could smell the lilacs and got lost in pools of never ending green. Her warmth spread across him like a blanket, wrapping him in the safety of her arms. No sooner had he fallen asleep, he was woken again by a frigid shower, pulling her away from him. How long would it be before he was begging for death, hoping for it?

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><p><em><strong>So? What do we think?<strong>_

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_**I wanna know what you guys think. I really do! This story has had over 1000 hits and 600 visits and is still at less than 50 Reviews. Help me out guys! I hate to use them as leverage but there won't be another update until I hit 50 reviews. If you have any suggestions for the story, or even if you hate it...let me know. I love the feedback and take it into account with every chapter I write. my other story Last Words needs the feedback too...it has fallen below this one...gasp! If you haven't read it please do! It will be updated as soon as my Beta gets the new chapter back to me but ff is trippin and didn't send it when she tried.**_

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	12. Most important pinky swear ever

**O.k. this is for RuthlessRIOT and all you others who Reviewed! Thank you SO SO SO much for the love! It is greatly appreciated. A lil fluff for Y'all in this chpt! I can't stress enough how happy you guys make me! **

************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__************

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

Somehow, he was still alive. After shock treatments, whippings, and being made to stand for hours with his hands bound behind his back, he was still alive. Every muscle ached and he felt if he moved he would break all the bones in his body. Jace lay on the dirt floor, his breath ragged and his chest tight from breathing in the water too many times. He pleaded with God for it to just end. He was waiting for the time when they would start cutting off his appendages. He was tired. The only thing he held on to was her. She was the only reason he fought for each breath, for the light of the next day.

They had eventually started to speak to him, to yell at him and ask him what he knew. There was nothing he could say that they would understand. He only knew what they asked because they had been taught the basics and learned what words to pick out. Once he even spit in the face of one of the rebels, a decision that ended up with a loaded pistol in his face. Jace hoped the asshole would pull the hammer and shoot but to his dismay, the rebel's rage was deterred by the hand of his leader.

Why hold him? Why keep him when he could give them nothing? Why not kill him? Clary was with him every night. She encompassed him with her warmth until he was showered with freezing water that pulled her from him. He had to force himself to find those happy memories to find reasons to want the next day to come. How long would it be before those memories ran out? How long could she be the one to keep him hoping for salvation? She had saved him so many times already. Jace reached deep inside himself searching for one last memory, a promise, her promise, to love him and only him…forever.

~oOo~

Jace had planned everything out to a T. There was no detail left unchecked. Alec and Izzy had helped make sure that everything would be timed out perfectly. He had just returned from his second tour of duty and was dead set on his decision, despite what he was told by others…Simon. One day while Clary was at the museum, Jace asked Izzy to go ring shopping with him. He didn't actually want her to go but she was a girl, and she was the only girl who spent time with Clary. He wasn't about to take Simon ring shopping.

They went to jewelry store after jewelry store and shopped for hours. He should have never asked Izzy to come along because they never agreed on anything. What she liked and what Red would like were two VERY different things. Clary was simple, yet could appreciate fine details. He had to pick something that was a bit of both.

"How about this, Jace?" Izzy asked pointing into the glass case.

Jace strode over to her with his hands in his pockets, he looked down at the ring she brought his attention to and just looked up at her blankly. "Izzy, that is the most GOD awful ring I have ever laid eyes on. She has little hands. She can't have something on it that she will have to drag behind her."

"It's only three carats. She'll be fine," Izzy snapped.

"No, I'm not buying that ring," Jace shook his head.

"O.K. so it's big, it has no other flaws," she waved her hands in the air.

"I want her to say yes, that ring will make her run away," he said walking away.

"Well if you want her to say yes, then you need to morph into Channing Tatum. No ring will help you."

"Shut up, Izzy. At least she hasn't cheated on me in the boy's locker room."

"She never told you if Simon was a better kisser either, did she?" Izzy said with a raised eye brow and a vicious smirk. "I think he is."

Jace laughed, "I think that answer is pretty obvious and I stopped caring about your opinion eleven years ago."

"And yet, here I am," she gestured to herself.

"You," he pointed at her, "are here because any ring you hate, Clary will love."

An hour later and more bickering with Izzy, he was about to give up but out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of exactly what he was looking for. It seemed to beckon him to it. The ring was platinum and centered with a princess cut diamond, along the band were smaller diamonds that made a braided pattern. What caught his attention most was the inner circle of it, which had its own design of small diamonds twisting inside. It was simple at first glance but detailed once you took it all in. This was the ring but first, the ultimate test.

"Hey Iz, what do you think of this one?" he pointed.

"The diamond isn't big enough. If you want her to put up with your ass for the rest of her life then you better spend big honey. And that," she leaned over the counter with her lips in a frown. "Is not near large enough."

Jace snapped at a middle aged man standing behind the counter in a black suit. The balding man shuffled over quickly with a tight smile and waited for Jace to speak. "I'll take this one." Izzy hated it, and it was perfect.

"That ring is eight thousand dollars," the man snipped.

"Do I look like I care?" Jace shot back leaning over the counter.

"Are you planning on financing the ring, Sir?"

"Nope," Jace popped the P and shook his head. "I'll put in on my card." He reached into his back pocket, pulled out his black leather wallet and handed the snooty man his Visa with a smile. Izzy's mouth fell and her eyes grew with shock. The man's fake smile fell in disbelief but he quickly removed the ring from the display case and took Jace's card.

"Jace, how the hell do you have eight grand lying around?" Izzy whisper-shouted. "Being a Marine can't pay you that well."

"When you have a woman who can pay the bills on her own, being a Marine pays me very well Izzy," Jace smiled. "Besides, when you're deployed you get paid extra and I'm very good with my money. Call Alec for me, I'll be needing his expert advice on my next shopping spree."

"What are you buying now? You just spent enough money to feed all the starving children in Africa Jace. Clary will kill you."

"Something for her," he shrugged, "and something for me."

Shopping with Alec was much more to his liking. He should have taken Alec to ring shop, maybe he could have found something for Magnus. He took Izzy home and switched her out for Alec. They searched every motorcycle dealer within a reasonable distance. "Alec, what about this one," Jace asked sitting down on a black Honda.

"I think whatever you get, you won't be riding for a while because Clary will castrate you," he answered with a smug smile.

Jace gave him an annoyed huff and moved to the next bike, "quit being over dramatic. You're gay not a drag queen." Jace ran his hand over the leather of the seat and decided it wasn't what he wanted.

Alec rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "You're not moving in with me when she kicks you out."

"She won't kick me out, and as far as castration goes…that won't happen either," Jace smirked throwing his leg over another bike.

"Don't be too sure," Alec mumbled scratching his head and turning around.

Jace was fiddling with dials when he looked up and his mouth stretched into a wry smile, "She likes those parts way too much to get rid of them."

"AHHHHH, lalalalala," Alec shoved his fingers in his ears. "I don't wanna hear that shit Jace." Jace laughed and hopped off the bike he was currently perched. He strode over to Alec and threw his arm around his neck while ruffling his hair. Alec protested but Jace didn't care. He missed having Alec to talk to. "What about that one over there?" Alec pointed out the most beautiful machine on two wheels Jace had ever seen, a Ducati Streetfighter 848.

His hands itched to grasp the handles and rev the engine. He slapped Alec's chest and ran toward the bike, Alec knew his taste too well. After taking it for a test drive and feeling the wind whip through his hair, he had to have it. Sure, Clary would probably be pissed but she would get over it by the end of the day. His new toy cost a smidgen more than hers did but she wouldn't have to know that.

She came home right on time, to find Jace napping on the couch. "Jace," she chimed sitting down next to him twirling his curls in her fingers. Before he knew what hit him, she laid it on him thick. "Um…please tell me that the black and yellow Ducati sitting in front of the building was purchased by someone else's idiot boyfriend and not mine."

She was eerily calm about it. SHIT. This only meant that the storm was coming and he didn't have a life preserver. Wait a minute, yes he did, an eight thousand dollar life preserver. All he had to do was ride it out until it was time. "Red, don't freak out."

"D-don't freak out?" she stuttered, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "Don't freak out?" her pitch now an octave higher. "How the hell am I not supposed to freak out? Do you not think ahead? Like maybe that money should be used on something better?" she yelled slamming a couch cushion in his face. She pushed off the sofa and headed towards the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Jace pulled the pillow away slowly, revealing a scowl on his face and followed her. Thank God the bedroom door didn't have a lock on it, but now that he thought about it, it probably should have. "Something better? Something like what, Clary?" he hollered as he pushed the door open. She stood at the dresser, her palms placed at the edge of it with her head down. When he spoke, her head shot up in his direction and her eyes narrowed.

"I don't know Jace, something like…a house?"

"You have a house," he pushed planting his hands on his hips.

"That's Jon's house," she snapped throwing a hand in the air.

"You're both on the deed. It's your house too."

"Why the hell I ever thought dating the person I told all my shit to was a smart idea, I will never know," she shook her head.

"You love me, that's why it was smart," he said with a smirk. Clary's mouth fell open, no words coming out because she knew she couldn't' deny it. Jace walked over and placed his hands on her hips, "you wanna ride it?" He unleashed his best smirk to soften her up. "Come on Red, you know you wanna go for a ride."

He had her exactly where he wanted her and not just physically speaking. He had to make it to his destination by sunset. Alec was in charge of all the details for this part of the night and had assured him that everything would go according to plan. He drove her into the city to the exact location he needed to be, Pier 86. He pulled up, let the engine die and pushed out the kick stand. Jace reached back and pulled her around to face him then kissed her lightly.

"Why did we stop here?" she asked quizzically.

"What's wrong with here?"

"Of all places, you bring me to the Intrepid?" she giggled.

"It's got a great view of the sunset, among other things," she cocked her head at him and he nodded in the direction of the ship. Clary looked behind her quickly and her breath caught. The deck was lined with men dressed in uniform standing in formation, saluting an American flag and just below that, flying gracefully in the breeze was another. It was plain white and it read: MARRY ME RED. All the soldiers turned to face them now.

Clary's jaw fell slack and she brought her attention back to Jace but she was immediately met with a ring. Her hands flew up to her mouth as she gasped in surprise. Jace's heart slammed behind his ribs. He had expected a yes right away but didn't get it. She glanced back at the ship, then back to the ring and her eyes closed. Was she really going to say no? Then tears trickled down her cheeks and a smile formed across her lips. "Most important pinky swear ever," he murmured. Her gaze met his and he smiled. "Is that a yes?"

Clary nodded and threw her arm around his neck just as the last bit of sun disappeared. "Yes Stitches, I will marry you."

"SHE SAID YES!" Jace yelled and the soldiers behind them cheered, sending their hats flying into the air. Jace pulled the ring out of the black velvet box and slid it onto her finger then took her pinky with his. "Do we need to spit shake on it too?"

Clary smiled from ear to ear, tightened her grip on his littlest finger and leaned in to kiss him. It was just like the first time their lips met but this time, it was with the promise of forever. Clary pulled back and gave him a stern look to which her returned with confusion. She pointed in his face, "Don't think I don't know what this is."

"What do you mean?" Jace asked shaking his head slowly.

"You planned this all out to soften the blow on buying the bike."

Jace bit down on his lower lip and furrowed his eyebrows, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Jonathan Christopher Herondale, you are a bad, terrible even horrible liar and if you…"

He cut her off with one more kiss, "I can take them both back but either way," he smiled. "You pinky swore on it so your still stuck with me forever," he whispered against her lips. He placed butterfly kisses against her jaw and made his way down her neck while repeating, "And ever, and ever, and ever, and ever," while she giggled.

"I like how that sounds."

"Hmm," he hummed against her skin.

"Who better to spend forever with than my best friend?"

"Exactly! I mean had we not grown up next door to one another I never would have asked," he said straight faced. "Oh and you never said whether or not I should take the ring back. It was a good chunk of change too." He grabbed her hand and gently pulled at the ring but she yanked it from him quickly and placed her hand under her butt.

"You are an ass," she scoffed. "And how much is a good chunk of change?" one of her eye brows rose and her mouth pulled into a sideways smirk.

"Never mind how much it cost, just remind me to never take Isabelle shopping again."

"You should have known better," she laughed. "But really, tell me how much it was."

"Why?"

"Because I wanna know how much I'm worth," she smiled wickedly.

Jace's eyes darted around not meeting hers and his lips formed a thin sarcastic line, "You are worth forever. Be happy I didn't get it out of a Cracker Jack box."

"It could have been the twist tie from a bread bag for all I care. It would have the same meaning regardless."

"So…I can take it back?" he asked light heartedly.

"Absolutely not!" she looked appalled.

"That's what I thought. Now shut up about how much it cost. I'll buy you whatever house you have your heart set on, just give me about fifty years," he smirked. Clary's lip jetted out in a pout. Jace chuckled, "alright," he sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'll try and cut it down to forty. You're so demanding." Her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes narrowed. "O.K., O.K. after the wedding we'll buy a house. You have to make good on that pinky swear first…shoulda made you spit shake too," he shook his head. Clary squealed happily, throwing her arms around him and tightening her legs around his waist.

Clary fell asleep next to him on the couch while watching re-runs of 'I dream of Genie.' He lie there next to her watching her sleep, brushing the curls from her face and twisting them around his fingers. The light from the T.V. danced along her cheek bones and flickered passed her jaw. She was so beautiful. How was it that he was lucky enough to have her for the rest of his life? Every moment with her was precious and he would have eternity to prove it…or so he thought.

A few months later, he and Clary went to Jersey for a get together with his team. They were all there with their wives or girlfriends to have a good time and catch up. Clary was pleasantly surprised to find out Maia would be there. Apparently she and Jordan hooked up in Amsterdam as well and were planning their own nuptials. They ate, drank, shot the shit with one another and watched as the girls gushed about their rings and wedding details. Women are so predictable.

Jordan called all of them away from the party, leaving the women outside to discuss less important matters. Jace, Jordan, Eric, Jem, and Will stood in Jordan's living room with alcoholic beverage of choice in hand. They all found a place to sit except for Jace; he stood next to the window where he could still see Clary. "So you all know why we're here right?" Jordan asked. "We all got letters…"

Jace's head whipped back in Jordan's direction and his eyes widened. He had to gulp down the mouth full of Rolling Rock he had taken before it ended up all over the furniture. He hadn't gotten a letter, in fact he was gonna start that cushy desk job soon. He set his beer down and sighed, knowing exactly what this meant. "Jace…you got one right?" Eric inquired. He looked back down at Clary and gave a shake of his head as an answer, closing his eyes while he did it.

"Wait a minute," Jordan stood from his chair and stalked toward him. "They have never split us up. You're the team leader. Why wouldn't you have gotten one? You should have gotten one before we did."

"I didn't get one because I asked to be given a desk job," he said quietly now turning to Jordan.

"We're a team Jace, the best team. We can't go over there and not have our number one."

"You'll be number one." Every mouth in the room dropped and faces paled. Could it really be that hard to believe that he wanted a normal life? A life where he didn't have to leave Clary every few months and be gone for even longer? Didn't they want that too? Wouldn't they want him to have that? They knew just as well as he did how painful goodbye was without the knowledge of if it would be the last time it was said.

"Jace, we aren't a team without you. We can't function without our leader," Will spat through gritted teeth. They were mad? How could they be mad and justify it? They had lives outside that sandpit too. If it were reversed in any of their situations he would have said, 'Hell yeah, enjoy it and pray that my ass comes home…preferably without sand stuck in it.' He felt that overwhelming feeling of being responsible for every single one of them rise up in him, but what about Clary? He was responsible for her too. He had to buy her a house! He couldn't do it again, couldn't put her through it again. He already had to say goodbye to her more than any person should have had to. You shouldn't have to tell the people you love goodbye and not know if it would be the last time.

"Jace," Jordan sighed. "We know, trust me. We know what we're asking. We all have a Clary to think about too but we stand a better chance at getting back if you're with us."

Jace looked around the room, examining the faces of all the men he had grown to love as brothers as they nodded in agreement with Jordan. He sighed and took one last look at Clary. She was so happy and he liked how that looked on her. It always harder to build something than it is to tear it down and the instant he told her, that happiness would melt away like it never existed.

He was quiet on the way home, letting his mind grasp what was happening in his world. He knew Clary could feel it but she didn't ask, not yet. What would he say? How was he going to tell her that he was leaving…again? He had made so many bad decisions when it came to her. His best hope was that she would forgive him. Having his team call him to war was worse than getting a letter ordering him to go. It was when they got home was when she finally asked.

Jace stood with the refrigerator door open, running his fingers through his hair. Clary sat behind him at the bar counter eating out of a box of Honey Nut Cheerio's. "What's wrong Stitches," she crunched.

"Why would something be wrong?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Well after you came back from your man pow wow, you didn't say much," she shrugged. "One of 'em try and stick it in your butt?"

Jace spun around and laughed, she had perfect timing. "No, one of them did not try to stick it in my butt."

"Well, I'm just saying…if someone tried to stick it in my butt I'd be a little quiet too." Jace raised his eye brow at her and smirked. "I'll cut it off, don't even think about it," she pointed. Jace chuckled and leaned on the counter. He sighed and scratched his head. "That bad, huh?"

"They're all being deployed again," he said somberly looking at her through his long eyelashes. Clary's eyes popped and she stopped chewing on her cereal. "They want me to volunteer Red." He stared at her full on now and watched while the blood ran from her face and terror filled her eyes. He didn't blame her. He thought that's probably how he looked when they said it to him. She blinked and shook it off shoving another handful in her mouth.

"You told them no, right? I mean they can't expect you…." She trailed off. She knew, she knew by the look on his face that he hadn't. He had told them he would volunteer and be there for them. "NO, Jace…NO! You can't go!" she wailed throwing cereal at him.

"Red," he sighed, brushing the little circles off his shirt.

She backed off of the stool she sat on and he watched as pure rage set in. He had never seen her so furious in his whole life. "You promised, Jace. You promised me. You said you wouldn't leave unless you had to. You don't have to," she yelled.

"Clary, they're my team," he said calmly, hoping his calm would roll onto her. He wasn't as calm on the inside as he played off. "I do have to."

"You're team?" she spat. "What the hell am I? WE are a team!" she pointed between them. "Why wouldn't you talk to me first?"

"They're my family Red. I can't let them go without me," he fought to remain calm. He didn't want to fight with her or yell back but it was becoming very hard. He saw the fury build in her even more and she paced. He had expected tears, he had expected her to beg him not to go but she didn't. She stopped and pushed her hands on her hips while shaking her head then she pulled her ring off of her finger and threw it at him.

"I should have made you spit shake on it," she growled through gritted teeth and stormed down the hall.

Jace scrubbed his hands down his face and ran his fingers through his hair. He picked her ring up off the floor and turned it over in his hand, remembering exactly how hard it really had been to build up their life and he had just ripped it apart in five minutes. He knew she wouldn't understand and that there was no way he could make her. They were his brothers; his family, just like she was and they needed him.

They had a quiet house for a long time before Jace had had enough. Clary wouldn't even look at him. They had precious little time before he would have to leave again and he wanted to spend as much of it with her that was possible. He couldn't leave things like this, he had to be close, hold her, touch her, and feel her. She was being just too damn stubborn.

One night he crawled into bed with her and attempted to wrap his arm around her but she stopped him, "don't touch me Jace." Her voice was quiet, weak and had little conviction behind it. He ignored her, forcing her fingers into his and pulled her into his chest. She finally broke down, he heard her breath hitch and the whimpers escape her. He held her tighter, "don't cry," he whispered. "I'll be back. I'll always come back to you."

~oOo~

Jace was ripped from his memories by a blow to his ribs. Shouting filled his head, nothing he could understand. It was earlier than usual and they didn't give him the usual frosty bath. They grabbed him by his arms, pulled him up and shoved a bag over his head. He knew how long it would take to get to each room and which direction they turned would decipher how he would be tortured this time. They took him on a path he wasn't familiar with and his heart pounded. They drug him up a set of steps and for the first time in weeks, he caught the scent of fresh air.

He was outside, if only he were strong enough to fight them off and run. His wrist protested when he was thrown onto something hard and landed on it. He knew where he was, in the back of some truck. He was being moved but to where he didn't know. He was left in the back of that truck for hours. Eventually they came to a stop and he heard the tailgate open. He felt fingers wrap tightly around his ankles and yank hard. He landed with a hard thud on hot sand that seared his skin and heard the truck peel out. They had left him there, alone in the desert to rot. He was already dehydrated. It wouldn't be long now, a day or two at best.

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><p><em><strong>OOOOO! LIL bit of a cliffy? Does he get home? How do you think Clary is coping? Will he be the same IF he gets home? Penny for your thoughts...questions, comments, concerns...emotional outbursts are all welcome and appreciated!<strong>_

_**As Always...I am sending love to my FANTABULOUS BETA, In the Fray! She really is the best! I just don't know if I could live without her! *sigh* I'm 100% serious too!**_

_**You know the drill...we're gonna shoot for 60 Reviews this time! It only takes a couple seconds to give me your thoughts PLEASE do!**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Jace: you left me, in a desert?**_

_**Me: Mmhmm**_

_**Jace: I'm not talking to you anymore**_

_**Me: Baby!**_

_**Jace: *angry glare***_

_**Me: Men *throws hands up* they're all such babies!**_


	13. Just like his Daddy

**Alright my lovlies! Here is your chapter! I hope it wasn't too torturous. ;)**

**************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__**************

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><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

It had been a month. Clary was no closer to living a normal life than she was the day Jace was buried. She still cried herself to sleep, if she slept at all, which was strange because fatigue from the pregnancy should have set in and helped with that. She still reached out for him at night, expecting to feel his warmth and soft skin beneath her fingers. She just wanted to touch him again and sometimes she would dream that he really was there, only to wake with disappointment.

Clary managed to put on a strong face at work to deter her co-workers from making a fuss over her. Instead, she shoved herself into pregnancy books and tried to hide her pain with excitement. Her true friends knew it was a rouse. Simon and Izzy came over a couple times a week to keep her company but she spent most of her free time with Magnus. He had told her about Alec's reaction to the news of Jace's death and it just broke her heart more. He said Alec broke down on the phone. Clary had never seen Alec cry, nor had Magnus from what she gathered. She shouldn't have been surprised. Alec and Jace were like brothers. Alec was the male version of her to put it best, only with less…attitude.

Clary finally let Celine coddle and mother her. She would insist that Clary spend the night at the house or that she come for dinner. Clary knew it was because Celine thought she wasn't eating but she really was. It was just that at this point, baby wasn't allowing food to stay down. It seemed to Clary that baby, was showing more signs of daddy than her. She still wasn't showing, which shocked her. She had expected to show right away with how tiny she was, but she would enjoy her small frame while it lasted.

Twelve weeks, it was officially her three month mark and she had a doctor's appointment to check her progress. She didn't see it as being much but then again, she couldn't see anything. She just knew she had a little person swimming inside her, Jace's little person. Magnus offered to go with her and she protested at first but then agreed to let him come because she really didn't want to go alone. Jace wouldn't have wanted her to go alone and would have insisted someone go with her…preferably not Simon.

The appointment was at eleven and Magnus showed up at her apartment at nine. He found her still cocooned in Jace's Jets blanket which was now void of his scent. She had to spray his cologne on it to curve her hunger for it but found that it made her morning sickness worse, she just couldn't win. She went as long as she could without washing his pillow case before the tear stains became too much to handle. Magnus pulled her out of bed and pushed her into the shower, he even picked out clothes for her.

Magnus was her god send. She didn't know how she would have made it through the month without him. He called every day to ask her about her day, to see how she was doing and if it was a bad day he would come over. She would cry and he would do exactly what she needed him to, listen. He didn't tell her she needed to move on like Simon and Izzy did. Clary knew they meant well but, how could she? Jace had been her everything for as far back as she could remember. He listened when she needed someone to listen to her and he talked when she needed someone to tell her what to do, even if it was a smart ass remark that was no help at all. Magnus wasn't Jace but he managed to somewhat fill the whole that was buried deep inside her.

They arrived at the clinic a half hour before her appointment and sat in the waiting room until Clary was called. She found herself surrounded by happy, expectant couples. Dad's sat and talked to mom's belly while rubbing it gently with a smile from ear to ear. She could see Jace doing that and it made her smile picturing it. She could hear him telling the baby to kick her for being stubborn or crabby. She could imagine him blowing raspberries on her tummy to get the baby to move. She let out a deep sigh and pushed herself down in the chair. She couldn't think about those things, they would never happen.

"You alright Clare-bear?" Magnus asked sweetly with a sort of worried expression on his face. She gulped and nodded while pinching the bridge of her nose. "Do you need anything?"

"No Magnus, I'm fine but thank you," she dropped her hand to her belly and smiled. Funny how when you're pregnant that's the first place your hands will fall to, a mother's first protective instinct to shield her baby from harm.

"Clarissa Morgenstern," a nurse called behind her. Both Clary and Magnus twisted in their chairs to find her and stood when she smiled and beckoned them over. "I'll need you to take your shoes off so I can get your weight first," she said.

Clary slipped off her ballet flats and stepped onto the scale, 105.5. Her heart skipped a beat and she had a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had lost weight. Women are supposed to gain weight when their pregnant, not lose it. Was there something wrong? The nurse didn't say anything; she just smiled and led Clary into a small stuffy room with posters of what an ear infection looks like and a life size model of a uterus. She watched as Magnus eyed one of them and tried to stifle a laugh.

"Do your parts really look like that?" he pointed with a disgusted look on his face.

"Yes, they really look like that," Clary laughed so hard she had to hold her ribs. The nurse even chuckled too.

"Clarissa, I'm just going to ask you a few questions O.K.?" The nurse asked. Clary nodded telling her it was alright to start. They had to know everything, didn't they? When was the first day of her last menstrual Cycle, hadn't they asked that last time too? Did she smoke, or drink? How many meals did she eat a day? How much water did she drink? She had to fill out a family health history report and the nurse handed one to Magnus as well. Wait…she handed one to Magnus? He had even started to fill it out too.

"Oh, he's um, not the father," Clary shook her head. "In fact I think he would make a better mother," Clary giggled handing the dumbfounded nurse the paper back after quickly snatching it from him.

"That hurts Clarissa," Magnus chimed placing his hand on his chest.

"Come on, you know Alec would be the dad if you two decided to have kids," she smirked.

"I'm sorry," the nurse whose name Clary now saw, was Hannah, said. "I'll need you to fill this out the best you can for him then." Clary looked up in shock. Jace was healthier than anyone she knew but she had no clue about any family medical history. Now she had to call Celine.

"Hey Celine, I'm at my check up and they want to know Jace's family medical history. Can you help me?"

"You should have told me sooner, I could have come with you but I can help you," she sounded sad. Clary hadn't even thought to ask Celine to come. Magnus offered, so she didn't have to search for someone to come along. Clary named off all the diseases listed and only ended up checking two, diabetes and sickle cell…wait… Sickle cell? That is most commonly carried by people who are African American. So Jace had some color in his family. That would explain his…never mind.

"Thanks Celine, I'll remember to tell you when the next appointment is. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this one. Magnus offered to come with me so I just figured…"

"Don't stress it dear, just let me know how it goes," she chimed. Clary could hear the hurt in her voice and it pained her to know that she had caused it. She would make sure Celine came to the next appointment.

"Alright, the doctor should be in shortly," the nurse said with a curt nodded and left.

Clary sat quietly eyeing the room. She looked back over at Magnus whose attention fell back on the uterus sitting atop the desk. She had to laugh because the look on his face was absolute mortification. "How does a baby fit in that?" he pointed.

"Don't hurt yourself Magnus. Just know that we women are very powerful beings," she giggled.

Magnus shook his head, eyes still wide. There was a knock at the door and a stout woman with dark brown hair stepped inside. She had a pleasant face and a warm smile. It made Clary feel at ease, just a little. Her name was Dr. Branwell, Char Branwell. She was the one who confirmed that Clary was indeed with child and Clary decided to stick with her as her doctor because she liked her face.

"So Clarissa," she chimed happily.

"Clary, call me Clary."

"O.K. Clary, how are we feeling? I see you've lost some weight. It's not anything I'm too concerned about at this point in time. It can be common in the early stages of pregnancy."

"I feel sick all the time, everything I eat comes back up. My muscles ache and my breasts hurt. I feel crampy all the time like I'm going to get my period and I have a hard time sleeping." Magnus shot her a look that said he had heard WAY too much and she scowled at him.

"All normal except the sleeping part, usually it's the opposite. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

Clary didn't want to tell her about Jace. Magnus nudged her arm, urging her to spill but she couldn't find the words. Magnus, being the knight in shining armor he was, cleared his throat and spoke for her. "The a, the baby's father was killed in Afghanistan a month ago."

Dr. Branwell's eyes widened on Clary and her mouth fell, "I am so sorry Clary. You'll let me know if there is anything…"

"Just…" Clary cut in, "help me have a healthy baby."

Dr. Branwell nodded and pushed a small smile on her face. "O.K." she patted Clary's leg. "Up on the table, let's see if we can hear a heartbeat."

Clary looked over at Magnus and panic set in. Jace wasn't here. This was their baby's first big milestone and he wasn't there to share it with her. She didn't want to hear it without him. The room started to close in on her and it was hard to breathe. Magnus must have seen the terror in her eyes because his hands instantly flew up to her cheeks and he brought his forehead to hers.

"Clare-bear, look at me. Look into my eyes. It's O.K. just breathe." She was trying but it was like her lungs wouldn't suck the air in. She couldn't do it. She couldn't have a baby without him. Her heart slammed in her chest and the sound of it clouded her head. "Slow down, breathe with me." She grabbed his wrist and dug her finger nails into his skin but did as he said, closing her eyes and listening to his breaths. Magnus pushed her hair behind her ears and pulled back when she was stable again. "Are you O.K.?"

Clary nodded and looked up at the doctor, who stood awe struck by what just happened in front of her. "Well," she gathered herself. "I guess you know who your lamaze partner should be. I was about to get something to sedate you with."

Clary looked back at Magnus. He smiled and nodded in the direction of the examining table. Clary stood warily and made her way toward it. The doctor help her up and she laid back looking up at a butterfly poster on the ceiling. _An odd place for a butterfly poster_, she though. Dr. Branwell pushed up her shirt, "you're going to feel something cold and wet," she warned. Clary nodded and felt the cold goopy gel hit her tummy. Doctor Branwell used a small device that looked like it had a misshapen microphone at the end to prod at her lower abdomen. It was a little uncomfortable but then out of nowhere, there it was. It was fast and sounded like tiny galloping horses.

Tears dripped down the sides of Clary's face but she smiled. It was the sweetest sound she had ever heard. So many emotions ran through her at that moment but seemed to get lost the second she heard that sound. She wished he were there, he wouldn't have wanted to miss this. A once upon a time memory blurred her mind now.

~oOo~

It was a Sunday. Jace had Jordan over to watch the Jets play some team she didn't care to catch the name of. While they sat in the living room and cheered or yelled at the T.V. in anger, she locked herself in her studio to paint, nothing out of the ordinary. It was routine for a Sunday during football season. Clary sat on her stool in front of her easel painting her idea of the perfect sunset but one color seemed to stand out to her more than others. It was strange to her because red was not her favorite color by any means.

She looked around the room and no matter where she looked, that color stood out. She sat and thought about it for a minute and then her heart started its irregular pattern of thumping in her chest. She darted into the kitchen and shuffled through the calendar, she always marked it. The last X on the calendar was almost five weeks ago. She swallowed hard and stared ahead of her at Jace, who was in deep conversation with Jordan about some bone head call by the ref's.

"I can't believe they didn't throw a flag on that play. Look at number eighty two, there is a false start," Jace pointed at the T.V.

"Yeah, I see it. That bastard should have been called for holding too. You see that shit?" Jordan added.

She stood there quietly, pondering whether she should tell him or not. She couldn't be sure of anything, why scare him? He would be pissed if she pulled him from the game anyway. This had never happened before though. She never missed her pill and they used condoms…sometimes…O.K. not as often as they should, but they should own the damn Trojan company for as much as they bought, or own stock in it at the very least. Her hands began to shake and she tried to interlock her fingers to stop it but it was no use. She took small wobbly steps toward the couch, fidgeting the entire time and sucking in deep breaths. He was gonna freak out, she just knew it.

"Stitches," his name came out softer than she anticipated but it didn't help that at the same time, the Jets scored a touchdown and both Jace and Jordan hopped off the couch to cheer and high five. "Stitches," it was a little louder this time. She knew it was loud enough for him to hear her, gotta love selective hearing. It was like something all men were taught in school. "STITCHES!"

"hmm," he said without looking at her. That was just annoying. Jordan looked back at her and smiled but she just huffed and planted her hands on her hips. He saw the look and nudged Jace with his elbow, nodding in Clary's direction. He finally turned to look at her, waiting for her to speak but she didn't. "What," he shrugged.

"Come here for a minute,"

"Red, the game," he gestured toward the T.V.

"NOW," she yelled through her teeth.

He sighed and looked at Jordan, who just shrugged and nodded in Clary's direction again. Yes, she was the commanding officer in this house and Jordan seemed to know that better than Jace did. She led him to the bathroom and shut the door behind them. Jace leaned against the sink and took a swig of his beer while Clary paced the floor. "What's so important? Please tell me you didn't pull me away from the game to have sex in the bathroom…Although I wouldn't complain about it."

She punched him in the shoulder and he pulled away rubbing his arm. "I'm late," she said letting out a gust of air with it. It felt like she had been holding her breath forever.

"Late for what?" he asked.

She couldn't help looking at him like he was a moron, "I'm LAAAAAAATE," she tried to elaborate.

"For what? I'm not following Red. Did you have plans today or something?"

How much alcohol had he drank? "No, Jace," she huffed with irritation. She reached down, grabbed her box of tampons next to the toilet and dumped them over his head. "I'M LATE!" she said again gesturing to the now empty box of Tampax. He stood there like a statue, eyes wide and mouth half open for a minute while it sunk in. Clary dropped the box and sat down on the toilet with her face buried in her hands to try and stop the tears

She felt his strong hands wrap completely around her wrists and pull them down. He gently took her chin between his forefinger and thumb and lifted her head to meet his gaze. Jace was crouched in front of her…smiling? "Hey, don't cry. Why are you freaking out?"

"Why aren't you freaking out?" she sniffed

"Well, because…boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy back. They get married and have kids. It's, to quote The Lion King, the circle of life." He used his fingers as quotations marks.

"Jace, The Lion King talked about the circle of life in reference to the food chain, not procreation."

He shrugged, "It can go both ways. What? Do you not wanna have my demon spawn? Because if that's the case you shouldn't have said yes and pinky swore on it," he cocked his head and smirked.

"It's not that, it's just…we've never talked about it before," she said quietly.

"Well," he said propping himself on his knees between her legs and pulling her as close as he could get her. "I guess it's a little late for that conversation now but, Clarissa, soon to be Herondale, I would love it if you would have my babies, preferably boys because god knows the world has enough on its plate with one of you."

Clary smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "boys…as in, more than one?"

"Yeah, being an only child kinda sucks, unless you're lucky enough to have the cute girl next door take pity on your and allow herself to be your best friend."

"That poor girl," she giggled.

"I know, right?" he said pulling her into kiss her.

"Christ, you guys!" Their heads snapped up. "You can't wait till I leave to shag. What the hell are there tampons all over the floor for? You guys are into some freaky shit," Jordan griped. They hadn't even heard the door open.

"Shut up," Jace growled with a smirk throwing a roll of toilet paper at him. Jordan hustled out of the room, using the door as his block while an evil laugh wafted behind him, leaving them alone. Jace stood and pulled Clary with him. He took her face between his hands and kissed her again, "everything will be fine."

Jace went back to his game with Jordan and Clary quickly grabbed her purse from the bedroom. She snatched her coat from the rack next to the door and was about to leave but Jace stopped her, "hey."

"What?" she snapped.

"Don't snap at me," he pointed. Clary's posture loosened and she rolled her eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me either. You only need one, don't clear out the whole damn store."

"One what?" Jordan asked looking from one of them to the other.

"Nothing," Clary said quickly with a sigh and a stomp of her foot. She reached for the door knob and yanked the door open about to leave.

"I mean it, one," he repeated. Clary narrowed her eyes, "Don't look at me in that tone of voice. You only need one!"

"Yeah, yeah," she sighed closing the door behind her. He knew her too well because she had planned on buying every damn pregnancy test that Walgreens had in stock. She came home an hour later with two boxes, each one had two tests. She stormed through the door with bag in hand with every intention of locking herself in the bathroom until she had used all four of them.

"Good god, I thought I was gonna have to call out a search party. Walgreens is a block away," Jace said.

"Is it that hard to pick out tampons?" Jordan turned to ask her.

"What?" Clary asked with questioning look.

"You went to get more tampons right?" Jordan questioned. Jace was in mid sip, he had to pull back his bottle and cover his mouth so his beer didn't go flying while he laughed.

Clary's eyes narrowed on him, "great Jace, now all your friends are going to think we use tampons as sex toys."

He shrugged, "I've used worse." Clary was quiet and Jordan shot him a warning look. He turned his head to look at her and his expression quickly changed into the 'oh shit,' look. "I mean…sex toys? Who uses sex toys?" Jace turned to Jordan and slunk down into the couch.

"I don't even wanna know," Clary flung her hand into the air.

"Thank god," Jace sighed.

Clary grabbed her bag and headed back to the bathroom, "but one day, you will tell me and if I ever meet her I'll rip her fucking head off with whatever it was you used."

Every single one of those damn tests came back negative. If they were negative, how come she didn't have aunt flow visiting right now? Jace was NO help. He just shook his head and laughed at her while refusing to let her buy more. Two whole days passed and Clary was about to explode. She wasn't allowed to buy more tests and her period still hadn't come.

She woke on the third day to do her morning ritual for work, with the exception of one. That one they skipped every morning because she refused to let Jace touch her. He wasn't happy about it but she didn't care. If she couldn't buy more tests, he wasn't getting sex and they were both too stubborn to budge. She sat down to pee and when she wiped, the toilet paper was red.

"OOOOH YES!" she yelled. "YES!"

Jace barreled through the door then, "Why does it sound like you're having the world's greatest orgasm and I'm not the cause of it?"

Clary froze and the bloody paper fell from her hand making a splash into the water below. Her jaw dropped and eyes widened like she was in trouble. Jace made the 'well spill it,' gesture and she smiled, "I got my period." She couldn't be sure by the look on his face but he almost seemed…disappointed.

"I told you you didn't need to buy any more tests."

~oOo~

Lying on that table hearing their baby's heartbeat without him, made Clary wish that she actually had been pregnant then. She knew he wouldn't have left if she had been. "Baby's heartbeat is a healthy one hundred thirty beats per minute."

"As long as he's healthy I'm happy," Clary said looking at the doctor.

"He?" Magnus questioned.

"Yeah he, It's a boy and he'll be strong and beautiful just like his daddy," Clary murmured.

"Mother's intuition is often times correct," Dr. Branwell added. "Clary, I'm going to prescribe you something to help you sleep." Clary looked at her skeptically. "Don't worry, they won't hurt the baby and you don't have to take them if you don't want to but the option will be there if you feel so inclined to use it."

Clary left the clinic feeling a little better. She could listen to that sound every day for the rest of her life and never be sick of it. There really was a little person in there. Until that moment it's hard to believe because the only proof a person gets is a piece of paper with the word POSITIVE at the top. She remembered getting the affirmative result and the feelings that sped through her at the same time. She was scared and nervous but happy and excited at the same time. She remembered being almost unable to contain herself because she wanted to tell Jace. She wanted to hear his excitement and have him tell her about all the boy things he wanted to buy.

She and Magnus headed over to Taki's where he promised to buy her a strawberry banana shake. They sat and gushed over the sound of the baby's heart trying to find the best way to describe the sound. Magnus was a proud uncle. He told her he already had clothes picked out for baby to come home in, yellows, greens, and reds of course. She found herself lost in happiness. Leave it to Jace again, to somehow make her smile even in death. It was like this baby was his last gift to her. His last way of saying that no matter what, he would always be with her.

Clary's phone buzzed in her pocket. She reached into in to find the tremmering piece of plastic and looked at the caller id. It was Celine. She had just talked to her though. What could she be calling for now? She probably wanted to know how the appointment went. Clary pressed the answer button on the screen and propped it up to her ear, "Hey Celine…"

"Clary!" Celine's frantic voice cut her off. "Clary…you need to come here now! It's Jace! He…He's ALIVE!"

Clary's jaw fell and her eyes widened. The phone fell from her hand and she gasped.

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><p><em><strong>GASP! OMG a CLIFFY! It couldnt be stopped I apologize. I'll just...hide...somewhere...<strong>_

_**Thank you to my Lovely Beta, In the Fray, for editing this chapter for me. I grovel at her feet. And thank you to all who reviewed. up to 74 now! I can hardly contain myself! I love you all! **_

_**You know what to do**_

_**Love it...**_

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_**Review/Alert/Favorite it...**_


	14. It's him

**O.K. here is chpt 12 as promised. It is unbeta'd so please excuse any mistakes. I'll fix them when In the Fray gets it back to me. I was up till 4 am writing this chapter so...yeah! Just proves how much i love you all! Word count is nearly 7k so this is the longest one yet. Enjoy!**

************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__************

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

Magnus stared over the table at Clary with his mouth hanging damn near to the floor. She could still see the chewed up French fry on his tongue. Gross! She thought she might vomit. Why was he just sitting there? They needed to go like, yesterday! She rose from her seat and ran her fingers through her hair. Her heart slammed in her chest, trying to break free of her ribs. He was alive, Jace, her Jace was ALIVE! She needed to know everything. Her mind raced in every direction. Who, what, where, when, why, how…all sped through her head.

She tugged at Magnus' arm, not so gently, pulling him up so fast he nearly fell on his butt. He threw a fifty on the table and yelled, "Keep the change," to the waitress. Clary's whole body shook. She needed to see him, feel him, and touch him. She needed to know that the person they thought was Jace really was him. She couldn't go through him dying again. She wouldn't live through it. Clary tried to keep her emotions in check but it seemed like her body was pulling her in every direction at once and the only thing keeping her grounded was her skin.

Magnus hailed a cab and gave the cabbie Celine and Stephen's address. Both Clary's legs shook ferociously and her hands twisted, one over the other. This was one of those times when Jace would reach over and lace his fingers with hers to calm her. The car wasn't moving fast enough, it needed to go faster. "Jesus Christ! Go faster," she shouted through the Plexiglas separating them from the dark skinned man in front. He eyed her narrowly in the rear view mirror. "Weren't you ever told that the customer is always right? Now step on it!" she yelled again.

"Clarissa, you need to know how to speak to them," he hissed in her ear. "Driver, get us there in under ten and I'll double the fair!" Clary was thrown back into the seat as the car lurched forward. "Money talks," he grinned at her. If Jace was Clary's favorite person, then Magnus was a close second. She smiled back and threw herself into his chest. His arms wrapped around her protectively while he kissed the top of her head. Even with the sudden jolt of speed, Clary still felt it wasn't fast enough but she wanted to get there alive too, so she didn't say anymore. Seven grueling minutes later, they pulled up in front of the beige two story house, her home away from home throughout her whole life.

Magnus did as promised, gave the man double his money and walked around the car to let Clary out. The cab sped away leaving just her and Magnus standing in front of the house. She wanted to run, she wanted to dart into that house and see Jace waiting for her with open arms. Once she wrapped her arms around him, she was never letting go. Her legs wouldn't move. There was still some shred of doubt in her mind that made her feel sick to her stomach. Magnus turned to her curiously, "Why are we still standing in the street?"

She looked at him and then back to the house, "what if…"she met his big catlike eyes, "what if it's not him?"

"Life is full of what if's Clare-Bear. You'll never know if you don't go," he coaxed. She wanted to go. She wanted it to be true so badly she could feel it in her bones. A tiny shred of doubt is what held her there, unable to move. But wasn't that same shred of doubt the reason she was never really able to let go? Wasn't it the same reason she still reached out for him at night? Emotionally she went through all the symptoms of losing half of herself but mentally she never really believed he was gone, like he spoke to her in some way. She had chalked that up to just blind hope, people don't come back from the dead…unless you lived in Simon's world.

"Clarissa Rose!" Clary's head snapped up, only to find her mother standing on the front porch with her hands sternly placed on her hips. "GET OUT OF THE STREET!"

For fucks sake! The egg donor was here too? Just one more reason to stay planted firmly where she was. The only reason she moved was because that little, nagging voice in her head said, "you're pregnant dumb ass. Don't get hit by a car!" Clary huffed in irritation and shook her head at Magnus, who smiled and took her hand as they walked toward the house. She felt like the world was moving in slow motion. She heard the loud drum of her heart in her head and her ears rang.

Jocelyn moved aside so she could push through the door and right away she turned to her left. Celine stood in the middle of the living room with her phone to her ear, nodding her head. She glanced up at Clary quickly and gave her a small smile but went back to her conversation. Stephen paced the room behind her but when he saw Clary, he instantly pulled her into him. It was almost as if seeing her gave him some sort of peace. He was built like Jace, Tall and slender but muscular, so being in his arms felt nice. Clary's chest tightened. This wasn't what she expected it to be. Her eyes surveyed the room, scouring every inch of the house that she could see over his shoulder, but there was no Jace. This wasn't right! If he was alive…why wasn't he here?

Stephen pulled back, giving her a hesitant smile. She returned it while he ran his hands up and down her arms. "Is it…" she started.

"It's him," Stephen sighed, "but he is hurt pretty bad."

"Wh-where…" her voice quivered softly. She was unable to form any coherent thoughts. She just wanted him, needed him.

"Celine is getting all the details now," he murmured looking at his wife.

Clary turned to Magnus, he opened his arms for her and she buried her face in his chest. She couldn't hold back the tears or push back the lump that choked her. He held her tight and stroked her hair while a hushed, "Shhh," flowed passed his lips. Her tears rolled one after another, dotting his perfect white t-shirt with moisture. She felt a hand run down her back and she flinched, pulling back she saw that it was Jocelyn. How dare she pull Clary from her comfort zone!

"Clary…can we talk?"

Clary's eyes narrowed as her whole body shook with anger, "you want to talk now?"

"Please?" she whispered. It was as if she was begging with one word. Clary's hard demeanor shattered. She was too weak to fight right now. Not only had Jace come back from the dead but he had magically found a way to weasel her mother in as well. Clary sighed and took in one last ragged breath. Magnus gave her a wary look and she just shook her head holding out her hand, telling him she was O.K. with it. She followed Jocelyn to the kitchen just wanting to be free of this demon already.

"I know you don't want my apologies," she sighed. "But you're going to get them." Jocelyn's hard green eyes locked on Clary and held her there, helpless to do anything but listen. Jocelyn stepped toward Clary and rested her hands gently at her shoulders. "I am SO sorry for not being there for you like I should have been. I don't blame you one bit for feeling the way you do. I know I can't take back any of the hurt I've cause you or Jonathan but I want to be here for you."

Clary wanted her to be there too, she had always wanted her there. She wanted to have the mother that she could tell everything to and know that no matter what, she would still be loved despite how stupid it may have been. She wanted a mother who was not only that, but her best friend as well. She supposed she should be thanking Jocelyn, because had she not been the mother she was, her and Jace probably never would have been the best friends they were.

"The past is the past," Clary said quietly with her head down. "It's not forgotten and it will take a while to forgive but I won't say it's impossible." Clary looked up and put more power behind her tone, "prove to me you can be the mother now, you should have been then, and history won't repeat itself. My baby is already short one grandparent. It's up to you to keep it at that."

Jocelyn held her arms open urging Clary into them. She hesitated at first. She remembered those arms, warm and safe, just like Jace's. It was rare that Jocelyn held Clary but it did happen from time to time. She found herself wanting the embrace, yearning for it. She let herself crash into Jocelyn, feeling her arms wrap around her body, cradling her. The uncontrollable sobs came right after. They fell to their knees on the floor. Clary felt Jocelyn's long slender fingers comb through her hair as she rocked and hummed, resting her cheek atop her head. This was the mother she should have been all the time. Clary felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders…somewhat.

"Clary?"

She looked up from her mother's shoulder to see Celine, standing with her hands crossed in front of her. Her voice was quiet and sweet and she had a small smile on her face. Clary looked up at Jocelyn and gave a sniff while wiping the tears away. She helped Clary to her feet but kept her arm draped across her shoulders protectively. Celine came forward and held her arms open. Clary let Celine take her but still felt the loss of Jocelyn's embrace. No one could ever really replace your mother but Celine was a very, very close second.

"Tell me," Clary probed, pulling back to look in her dark golden eyes.

Celine wiped away the remaining tears from Clary's cheeks and smiled, "I'll know more tomorrow, but he was flown to the VA Hospital in Manhattan. I don't know the extent of his wounds or the full story. I just know I received a call from his commanding officer, stressing his sincerest apologies for the mix up and he assured me that it was Jace, without a doubt."

"MIX UP?" Clary spat

"I know honey. I know exactly how you feel, but he is alive and I'll take that any day."

She was right. Even with the surge of anger Clary felt, she knew that having him alive was better than their previous situation. "When can we see him?" Clary asked hopeful that the answer would be now.

"Tomorrow at the earliest, the hospital called and gave me his room number but they hadn't had a chance to fully look him over."

Clary's heart sank. Tomorrow? She had to wait another full day to see him? She felt the blood drain from her face and the tears well up again. This was torture! All she wanted was to see him in the flesh, to know that he was really there. She didn't want to wait. She wanted to storm that hospital. She would search room by room if she had to, to find him. Clary wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. She heard the door open, and she perked up. She knew it wouldn't be Jace but she could hope…right?

The person that came through the door was close in stature and build to Jace though. She ran to him instantly, linking her arms around his torso. "Jon!"

"Hey, short stack. I came to see what all the commotion was about. Apparently Lewis and Lightwood came too, they just pulled up. What's going on?" As if on cue, Simon and Izzy trudged through the door as well. Clary looked up into her brother's dark eyes. It was like seeing her father stare back at her. Oh how she wished he was here now. Not that the abundance of people around her weren't enough, they just had a different understanding of the world and each other, much like her and Jace.

Clary sighed into Jonathan's black t-shirt and he looked down at her with worried eyes. Even when they weren't on best terms, she knew he would always be there for her. "Jon," she murmured, eyes closed and fists tightened into his shirt. She looked up then seeing his frustration at her procrastination, "he's alive." Jonathan's eyes widened and his posture stiffened but his grip on Clary never faltered. Simon and Isabelle heard her revelation and huddled around them with shock and awed expressions.

The house buzzed with bodies, unanswered questions, so many emotions in one place. Clary felt like everyone wanted a piece of her, constantly asking if she needed anything or if she was alright. She didn't know how she felt. She was happy, so happy, how could she not be? But some part of her nagged and ripped that happiness apart, telling her, that this was just the beginning. She didn't know why, she just felt that something was wrong. Clary wanted nothing more than to see Jace and have him in her grasp. That would be the only thing that could calm her.

Celine made a big dinner for everyone with Jocelyn's help. Izzy was banned from the kitchen because everyone feared some type of food poisoning when she was allowed near any cooking utensil. But they just picked at their plates, everyone exhausted from the day's excitement. Celine offered Clary Jace's room but she didn't want it, she just wanted him. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep no matter how hard she tried. She found herself thinking that those sleeping pills may be her only salvation, despite the fact she didn't want to take them. This was going to be one hell of a roller coaster, she just knew it, and she would need all the sleep she could get.

Clary walked out toward the swing set and sat on her swing. Her mind raced with everything that was happening around her. In a month her life had twisted into a downward spiral that threatened to choke every beat of her heart until it burst. She sat there, doing something she hadn't done since her father died, she prayed. It wasn't easy. Losing someone you love can tear every bit of faith a person has in a higher power into tiny shreds of hate. She had cursed God outwardly when he took her father and inwardly when he took Jace. She didn't deserve God's attention now, but there was something she had to say.

"Please God, forgive me for hating you. Forgive me for everything I've said or done to wrong you." She lifted her head to the sky, watching the stars twinkle above her. She now knew that she had been wrong to hate him. She had been wrong to blame God. She couldn't blame him for taking the people she loved because if she loved them, why shouldn't he? _God only takes the best_, that's what her dad used to say, and he and Jace were the best. "And…" she sighed closing her eyes, "Thank you, for…for bringing Jace back to me." A single tear fell as a feeling of relief washed over her.

Jocelyn had convinced Clary to stay at the house with her and Jonathan. She didn't refuse. The time away from the current situation would be good for her. She needed to clear her head and people not hounding her every five seconds. She loved every single one of the people that came to show their support but sometimes, you just need to be left alone with your own mind. Clary laid in her bed with her yellow comforter pulled up to her chin looking out her window. So many feelings swirled inside her she thought she might explode. She couldn't shut her mind off and her body buzzed with anticipation. Sleep eluded her and she hated it because physically, she was SO tired.

She heard a knock at her door and twisted toward it at the sound. It opened a crack, letting the light from the hall barely seep through. Clary squinted, trying to see who the shadow in her doorway belonged to. The voice that came from it was soft, "I just wanted to check on you," Jocelyn whispered. She took a few more steps forward, closing the door behind her. Clary could tell she was on edge, nervous that she would be sent away.

"I'm O.K. just…can't sleep." Clary sighed thinking about her sleeping pills.

"Is there anything I can do?" Jocelyn asked tentatively stepping forward.

Clary didn't want to take those pills. She hated taking pills to help her do anything. It made her feel dirty. She didn't even like taking aspirin. She thought long and hard before she answered, making sure what she was about to say was really what she wanted. The only thing she was absolutely certain of was that she wanted Jace but this was going to be a test and…an experiment. "Would you…lay with me?"

Jocelyn didn't speak. Clary heard the intake of breath but whether it was a shock or a relief she couldn't have been sure. All she knew was that her mother walked slowly to her bed crawled in next to her and wrapped her arms around her. Never once had Jocelyn done that for her. Clary had been deathly afraid of storms her whole childhood life. She even remembered Jace climbing through her window to stay with her.

~oOo~

It was a perfect summer day, not a cloud in the sky. Clary was wandering around in the backyard with her pencil and sketch pad, which was normal for such a beautiful day. It was the summer before her junior year and all she heard from Jonathan was how excited he was about college. Her father was at work but would be home shortly. The warm breeze kissed her cheeks and sent her hair swirling like licks from a camp fire.

She was about to retreat into the house to start supper when Jace stepped out onto his porch in a pair of swim trunks and a blue towel draped of his shoulder. Clary had to laugh to herself because he was accompanied by his latest fling, Haile or something like that, Alec, Izzy and Sebastian. She had seen this new girl before in school. She was your typical blond bimbo with a huge rack, the tall Barbie doll kind of girl, Jace's type to the fullest. It made Clary wonder how long this one would last.

Once Jace caught sight of her, he waved her over and Clary grinned but shook her head. She hadn't met this new girl yet but Jace's flings were never too fond of her. He usually gave her more attention than them and they hated it. She thought if any of them were smart they would have known that to keep Jace, they had to get to her first. If Clary didn't like the girl, and there hadn't been any that she had, then she didn't last long. Not one of them tried to befriend her, they were so very stupid. Jace jogged over in all of his golden, bare chested glory and snatched her pad from her.

"Give it back," Clary griped reaching for it. He hung the pad over his head while looking at what she had in the works and Clary pulled at his arms. She didn't care if he saw it but he could have at least asked first.

"What is it?"

"Give it back, Stitches."

"Tell me what it is and I'll think about giving it back."

"It's you face after I beat the shit out of you. Now give it back!" She spat yanking harder on his bicep. It didn't phase him to have her pulling on him. He could bench press her tiny body with little to no effort.

"You should join our little pool party," he grinned wickedly down at her. He was up to no good. She knew from the glint in his eyes.

"I wasn't invited," she chimed looking over at his company. "And your new toy is getting pissed so you should go finish entertaining her."

"She's been plenty entertained and you don't need an invitation. You're always invited," he said furrowing his brow. Clary rolled her eyes and shuddered in disgust. He could at least keep his sexcapades to himself.

"Give me back my pad and go finish playing the Ken to her Barbie," Clary held out her hands and twitched her fingers.

"Go put on a bathing suit and get in the pool," he smiled. "I can make you, bathing suit or not."

Clary hopped for her pad one more time but Jace caught her around the waist with his free hand and dropped her pad, catching her under the knees with the other. "I will kill you," she hissed.

"No you won't, you'd miss me too much," he said grinning from ear to ear as he made his way to the pool.

Clary wrapped her arms around his neck in a death grip knowing exactly his plan. "If I go in, you're coming with me."

"I was already planning on getting wet."

"I was under the impression that Barbie had already given you your swimming lesson for today."

"She did, this one is to get rid of the evidence," his eyebrows danced up and down on his forehead and Clary's mouth fell open in horror. She knew he smelled dirty.

"Put me down! You'll infect me with something!" She released her hold on his neck to slap his chest.

"O.K." he shrugged and down she went. Clary only had time to let out a tiny shriek before hitting the water. She pushed herself off the bottom of the pool and rose to the surface with a huge gasp for air. She heard the cackles of laughter behind her and saw through the clumps of red hanging in her face, the snide grin of her so called best friend standing at the edge of the pool. He shrugged innocently, "you told me to put you down…so I did."

Clary slammed her palm into the water and walked to the shallow end to make her way out. Jace followed her at the edge but made it to the steps before she did and waded into the water to meet her. She pushed her hair out of her face and scowled at him. "I really, really hate you right now," she splashed water in his direction angrily.

"You can't hate me. It breaks the best friend code to hate me," he splashed back.

"I can hate you all I want. The code doesn't say anything about dropping your best friend in a pool from damn near six feet in the air."

His lip jetted out in a pout. She hated when he did that. He knew how to play her too well. "Awe, come on, Red. I'm just tryin' to get you to have a little fun. You know…fun, that thing that makes you feel happy inside."

"I was having fun with my pencil and pad. Now…now I'm all wet."

"I can think of many things that are worse than being wet."

"You're a pervert. Is there ever a time when you aren't thinking about sex? Good god, you can make anything sexual."

"No," he shook his head, "and no I can't. I can't think of any way to make peas sexual, but give me time, that could change."

Clary let out and irritated growl and pushed passed him with an evil glare. She trudged back to her house sopping wet and mad as she could be. She picked up her pad and stomped up the steps. God he was such an ass. Why is he her best friend again? She rung out her t-shirt and shorts the best she could so she didn't drip all through the house on her way to the bathroom and immediately hit the shower. She could still hear them laughing at her in the back of her mind. Ass! Clary cursed to herself inside through her shower, while she dressed, and while she cooked supper for her dad.

"Hey half pint," her dad said ruffling her hair when he came into the kitchen. "What's for dinner?"

"Spaghetti," she smiled and propped herself on her tip toes to kiss him on the cheek. She loved it when her dad came home. "How was work?"

"Same shit different day, my head is pounding though. Where is the Advil?" he asked pulling open the medicine counter above the fridge. He had been getting headaches for a while now and nothing seemed to help.

"We might be out if they aren't up there," she pointed with spoon in hand. He stood with his fingers pressed into his temples, his eyes squeezed shut nodding at her. Clary set the spoon down and pushed herself onto the counter so she could reach the cabinet and pulled out a bottle then handed it to him. "You're in luck. There is still some in here." She shook the bottle.

"Thanks shorty," he winked while fumbling with the child safety lid.

Jonathan came home shortly after and they ate. It was one thing their father always expected of them. If they did nothing else, they at least came home for dinner. He said it was family time, a time to catch up on each other's day so they didn't feel like they were living with strangers. Jonathan missed dinner once and Valentine took away his car and grounded him for a week once.

The nice summer day had turned into a nasty humid night which meant rain and storms. Clary hated them, ever since she was little. She hated thunder and lightning. She wasn't sure why, she just did. The rain drops began to pitter patter on her window as she sat with her legs crossed on her bed making her finishing touches on her drawing from earlier that day. Her phone buzzed next to her making her jump.

Want me to come over? ~J

Mmm…it's not bad yet… ~C

I prefer 2 b somewhat dry after crawling thru ur window ~J

Awe! I thought u liked being wet ;) ~C

U have a very sick twisted mind Red ~J

I'm just saying… ~C

:s open ur damn window ~J

:D LMFAO ~C

Clary shuffled to the window and pushed it open. She could feel the cool air rush in as she did it. Before she made it back to her bed, Jace climbed through it and shut it behind him. He shook his head sending water in all directions. Clary held her hands up to block the drops from hitting her but her attempt failed. "That's twice you've felt the need to bathe me today. Thanks!" Clary snipped.

Jace's lips curled up in a vicious grin as he walked over and threw himself on her bed. This was nothing new. He always came over when there was a storm. He was like her security blanket, with him there she usually forgot there was even a storm going on at all and he would always stay until it was over. "You're gonna get my bed all wet," Clary huffed and slapped him with her pad. "Isn't it bad enough that you're probably infecting it with some horrible, incurable disease?"

"Oh the things you sacrifice to feel at ease, Red. You know you're glad I'm here so shut it," he barked pulling one of her pillows under his head. "Put the damn pad down, shut the light off and go to sleep. I'm tired."

"You've had such a hard day, with all your…exercise," she grinned at him.

"I had a very vigorous work out, many hours of endurance training," he smiled.

"Well when sex becomes a sport, you should try out for the Olympic team because the U.S. would win for sure with you on it."

"Go for the gold every time," he threw the pillow at her.

"You're sick! Don't call me when your penis falls off," she said throwing it back at him.

Jace pushed himself up, pulled her pad from her lap and got up to shut the light off. "Go to bed," he pointed at her. "And don't ever say penis in my presence again. It just sounds wrong coming from your mouth."

Clary fell asleep with Jace next to her, not even aware of the storm outside. She woke in the morning damn near falling off the edge of the bed. The one thing she hated about Jace was the fact that he was a bed hog. She was so uncomfortable. She was hot and couldn't breathe. She looked down to find half of Jace's body draped over her and the rest splayed out across the bed. That would explain both of her problems.

"Stitches," she said holding her hands above him. She wanted to push him off of her but he just looked so peaceful and she knew she wouldn't be able to do it anyway. He weighed almost double what she did. "Stitches," she said louder.

"Hmm," he hummed. She could feel the vibration in her chest when he did it.

"Get up."

"Shhh," he flipped his hand that hung over the bed up and down. "Your dad and brother are both working. I don't have to leave yet," he nuzzled into her chest.

"No," she huffed. "You don't, but you need to get your face out of my chest."

"You don't have a chest to have my face in," he mumbled.

Her brows strew together and her lips formed a thin line, "why are you looking at my chest."

"Kinda hard to miss when something that should be there isn't."

"Well they seem to be there enough for you to be comfortable in them, now get up!" Jace huffed but still didn't move. "PENIS!" she yelled.

Jace shot up immediately and blinked down at her. A vicious smile crept onto her face and she batted her eyes at him. Jace rolled over and pulled one of her pillows into his chest. "You are a wicked she-devil and I'm not sure I like you very much right now," the sound was muffled by the fabric in his face.

Clary giggled, "I can live with that." She propped herself onto her elbows and looked over at him. She leaned closer and chimed, "so what's better, that pillow…or my non-existent chest?" He drew his hand back from the pillow and flicked her off, which only brought out an evil, sinister laugh from her.

~oOo~

She was by no means Jace, but her mother being there had soothed her enough to let sleep take her. She woke early the next morning to find her mother gone. Jocelyn had always been a light sleeper anyway so it didn't bother Clary that she wasn't there. She stretched and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She would get to see Jace today. She hopped out of bed and found some of her old clothes, hoping to god they still fit and made her way to the shower. It was probably the quickest shower in history. She dressed and made her way downstairs to find Jocelyn making breakfast.

She didn't want to eat but she did anyway knowing that if she didn't, she would be given 'the baby needs to eat' lecture. So she stuffed in as much pancakes, eggs and bacon as she could and then headed over to Celine and Stephen's. To her relief, they were ready to go. They left for the hospital immediately. Clary had a hard time keeping herself sane in that car. It took Stephen forever to find a parking spot but finally did about three blocks down. Jace was on the fourth floor so they had to endure that god awful elevator music. Clary wanted to smash the speakers in it. She fidgeted uncontrollably while biting her bottom lip, her heart slammed hard in her chest and her breathing was unsteady.

The doors opened on the desired floor and she let Celine and Stephen take the lead. The hospital staff eyed them curiously but didn't bother to ask why they were there. Clary hated hospitals, ever since her dad got sick. She couldn't stand the smell. It was the scent of sterile death and it drove her bonkers. After her father died she would have been more than happy to never have to see the inside of a hospital again. They walked the hall until they stood in front of an open door labeled 4323. Celine and Stephen didn't hesitate to walk into it but Clary did. Something was wrong but she couldn't tell why.

Celine sat at the edge of the bed and Stephen stood behind her. She looked back at Clary curiously then beckoned her over with a wave of her hand. She heard the pounding of her heart in her head and her mouth became dry. Clary stepped in slowly, licking her lips trying to wet them but it was no help. Her hands began to sweat as she neared the bed and she tried to rub it off on her jeans but it only seemed to make it worse.

At first all she saw was an immobile body lying there. He looked lifeless. The only thing making her vision untrue was the beep of his heart monitor and the movement of his chest. The light above his bed was on and when she got closer she could see just how badly hurt he really was. His always perfect face was now black and blue and covered with scratches. He had a cast on his left hand and his right leg was bandaged. Bruises covered every part of skin that she could see which only made her assume that what she couldn't see was just as bad.

Her chest constricted and started to ache. She could feel the lump rise in her throat. When she tried to swallow it back it only made it worse since her throat was dry. When she had reached the bed completely she was able to take in his other features. His cheek bones protruded more than usual and his eyes looked sunken in. The black rings around them didn't help that image. He looked so small lying in that bed and for someone who was almost six feet tall and nearly two hundred pounds, looking small to someone like Clary wasn't an easy task.

Tears spilled over her cheeks as she sat and ran her fingers over his dry cracked lips but they were warm. He just looked so emaciated that it ripped her apart inside. The Jace that was in front of her was just a shadow of his former self. There was a knock on the door and the three of them turned to see who the visitor was. "Hello, I am Dr. Pangborn. You must be Jonathan's family," he gave a small smile.

Stephen nodded and walked toward the man in the white lab coat with his hand held out. "Stephen, I'm Jace's father and that," he pointed to Celine. "Is Celine, my wife. The young lady there is Clarissa, his wife." Clary's head snapped up and her mouth fell open. No one had ever called her his…wife. She didn't feel like she had earned that title yet but the doctor nodded, shot them a thin smile and made his way inside.

"Well since you're all here, I'll give you a run-down of his current status," he sighed looking down at his clip board. "He has been severely malnourished, which I'm sure you could already gather," he gestured to Jace. "And his left wrist was broken but we were able to reset it. His cast can come off in six weeks. He has a burn on his right leg that was infected but we have given him antibiotics for it and the wound should heal fine. We did have to go in and removed some dead tissue but he was very lucky. In most cases when burns are left untreated and infection spreads the tissue around it just continues to die and results in amputation. Someone was watching out for him." Clary smiled, she knew exactly who and inwardly thanked him again. "Physically he will be fine given time for his wounds to heal and food to build him back up. Mentally…" he paused, "we won't know anything until he wakes up. In many cases when someone has been put through what he has, there can be some changes in personality. I want you to be aware that the person he was the last time you saw him, may not be the person who wakes up in this bed."

The doctor's gaze instantly fell on Clary and she felt a shiver run up her spine. "Some things may include increased anxiety, aggression, nightmares, and post-traumatic stress disorder. In extreme cases we have seen schizophrenia and all of those can lead to suicide." Clary's eyes widened and her breath caught. "I'm not saying these things to scare you. I just want you to be prepared." Clary nodded and ran her fingers along Jace's. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him but for the first time ever, she thought she might break him.

"He should wake in a couple of hours. He was sedated so we could clean his leg and we've given him morphine for any pain. Now it's just a waiting game. If you don't have any questions, I'll leave you with him." He looked around to the three of them and they shook their heads. He bowed slightly and took that as his cue to leave. Clary had a hard time wrapping her head around everything that was said. Physically he would be fine but mentally…he could be completely fucking nuts?

"I'm going to get some coffee," Stephen sighed. Celine stood and nodded. "Will you be alright while we're gone Clary?" She looked up at them with a somber expression but gave them the O.K. to leave. She sat there tracing his fingers and ran her thumbs over his cheek bones. He looked somewhat like her Stitches but would he be that person when he woke up? Would his eyes open to show her relief at the sight of her being there? She loved him enough to cope with whatever obstacles lye in front of them but she knew it wouldn't be easy.

She moved away from him, allowing herself to take him in one more time and sat in the chair next to his bed. She never thought of Jace as weak or fragile but those were the only words she could find to describe him now. He was still beautiful though, not even his current state could take that away from him. His hair was matted to his head and she had a sudden urge to fun her fingers through it. She moved to the bed slowly so she didn't wake him and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. She couldn't help but smile just because he was there, in the flesh. Her hand came up and she pulled her fingers through his knotted curls. His hair wasn't soft like it usually was but coarse, probably due to the fact that he hadn't been fed. His skin wasn't its usual perfect tan, it was now pale. She kissed his forehead and felt that he was clammy but when she pulled back she was greeted by a sea of golden honey.

Clary smiled, over joyed that he was awake and staring back at her but it wasn't what she expected. She expected him to pull her in with a sigh of relief and tell her how much he missed her, instead his eyebrows furrowed and the look he gave her was one she had never seen before. She sat back further, trying to read his expression but said nothing. Her ears began to ring and fear set in. What was wrong? Was he in pain?

She finally found her voice but it was quiet and shaky. All she could push out was, "Stitches…" hear heart began to slam against her rib cage with such a force she thought she might explode.

He cocked his head at her and squinted, "who are you?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>I am going to hide now...plz don't kill me! No heat seaking missiles plz. If you thought the last cliffy was bad...WOW i would want to strangle me right now! I kinda wanna do it anyway just because the next chapter isn't written yet!<strong>_

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	15. You're pretty important too

**Well Dolls...here it is! Thank you VERY much for all the reviews I love reading what you guys have to say! Keep it up!**

****************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__****************

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

Clary ran through the hospital halls, slamming into people and carts full of sterilized products. She couldn't fight the panic that invaded her, shaking her to the core. The look in his eyes burned into the back of her mind like a nightmare, the cruelest nightmare imaginable. How could this happen? How was it possible that he…he didn't remember her? It was like someone reached into her soul and pulled out her worst fear.

She could see Celine and ran harder and faster to get to her. When she reached her, Clary collapsed in her arms. Stephen and Celine both tried to probe her, asking her what was wrong. Stephen grabbed her shoulders and shook her, "Clary, look at me. Tell me what's wrong."

She was hysterical; nothing that went through her head came out like she wanted it to. Bits and pieces fell out of her mouth in a mixed up jumble. "I…h-he…" Clary had to fight to keep her breathing steady but she failed miserably at the attempt. She probably looked like someone having an asthma attack. "H-he's…awake," she breathed heavily. Celine and Stephen exchanged surprised glances then smiled. They shouldn't smile because she wasn't done. "He…he doesn't remember me," it was a painful whimper of the most pathetic kind.

The smiles faded and Stephen shook her again. Clary fell to her knees and cupped her face in her hands. Never ending tears it seemed. Maybe she and Jace had messed with the fates design and they really never were meant to be together. Were they being punished? Had they foiled some divine plan set forth by destiny? No! She couldn't think that way. She and Jace had always been meant for one another.

"He doesn't remember you?" Celine asked dumbfounded. Clary shook her head and sobbed harder. "It can't be."

"Let's go, Celine. Clary…" Stephen held his hand out to her. She looked at his hand like he carried some deadly disease. Her lip jutted out and she shook her head, finally feeling defeated by everything. She couldn't see him now, not while he was like this. Jace being unable to remember her was far worse than him being dead. She had to get outside. Clary needed to clear the fog in her head.

"Don't tell him any more about me than you have to," she whispered. "I'll tell him when he is ready."

XXX

Jace sat there, stunned by the young woman's immediate retreat. Who was she? Should he have known her? He looked around the room knowing instantly where he was, a hospital. He felt no pain but his wrist was laden with a heavy cast and his leg wrapped tightly with gauze. What had happened to him? He tried to pull back a memory of…well anything but got nothing. He tried to start with something simple…his name. What was his name?

SHIT!

He didn't know his name! He had no recollection of anything. No memory or the red head that sat with him came into view. He got the distinct impression that he should have known who she was. Having her that close made his body tingle and flush with heat. Two people came into his room then and he sat propped on his pillow with his fingers pressed to his temples. They gave him weak smiles when his attention fell on them. Should he know them too?

"Jace," the woman spoke softly. She was tall for a woman five foot nine he guessed, much taller than his red headed bed guest. She had dark gold eyes that reflected the light above his bed. Jace, was that his name? The girl had said…Stitches? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Did he have stitches somewhere? He searched his arms and touched his face searching for some sort of rough pattern on his body, he found none. "Do you know who we are?"

He eyed them, taking the full image of them in and committing it to his mind. It brought back nothing. He hung his head and shook it slowly. "We're your parents," the man said as he made his way to stand next to the bed. "And your name is, Jonathan Christopher Herondale. We call you Jace."

"Everyone calls you Jace, except…" the woman cut herself off and let her statement hang in the air. Except what? She shook her head and smiled but it wasn't happy. He tried again to pull an image of them into his head, something from his childhood, anything. No such image came to mind. How could he not know the people who brought him into this world?

First things first, he had to ask the obvious questions, even if the only one he really wanted answered was who the girl was. "Why am I here?" he blinked curiously.

"You are here because you were in an explosion and…" the man started.

"And…"

"We have reason to believe you were captured and tortured by members of a terrorist group. You are a Marine and until yesterday, we thought you were dead. We even buried you."

Tortured, Marine, dead, and buried were the only words he heard and they spun in his head like a merry-go-round on crack. Just then a knock came at the door. His head snapped up, hoping with every fiber of his being that is was the girl from earlier but it was just a doctor. "I see you're awake now," he smiled taking large strides into the room. "I'm Dr. Pangborn, how are you feeling?"

The only word Jace could come up with was, "Lost…"

"Lost?" the doctor questioned. "Why is that?" he furrowed his eye brows.

"I don't remember anything, these people…they say they are my parents but…I don't remember them, or the girl and I feel like I SHOULD know her."

"Well, this was unexpected but let me ask you some questions," Jace nodded. "Are you feeling any pain?"

"No."

"Can you recall any memory prior to waking up in this room?"

"No," Jace was getting irritated. The doctor nodded his head and jotted some notes on his clip board.

"Alright Jonathan, I'll be back to check on you in a little while. Celine, Stephen may I speak with you?"

His "parents" nodded and gave small smiles in his direction. Why did he need to talk to them alone? They followed the doctor out of the room and stood just outside the door. He could hear the whispers. Retrograde amnesia, psychogenic amnesia and fugue state were a few things he could make out. Not that he knew in detail what any of them meant. He just knew he couldn't remember shit! "It could last a few hours, a couple days…or maybe even months." Months? This shit couldn't go on for months!

"Jonathan has repressed his memories to avoid the traumatic events that he endured. It will be up to him how fast he will remember things," the doctor finished.

"Are there any treatments that could…help," Celine, his mother asked.

"I want to do some tests to make sure he doesn't have any brain injuries. We did them when he was admitted but I'll order new ones just in case we missed something. If they come back and we find nothing then…it's just a waiting game. This is his minds way of coping with what happened to him. It will just take time," the doctor finished and walked away leaving his grief stricken parents in the hallway.

After C.A.T. scans and M.R.I's and more blood work, the day was shot and Jace was hungry. His girl from earlier still hadn't come back but his parents never left his side. Could she be that important if she didn't stay? He had to ask because he felt deep down inside that she was, "Tell me who the girl was," he demanded.

His parents gave one another a worried glance and his mother spoke, "The girl?"

"Yes the girl, the one with the red hair. Who is she?"

"Clary, you mean?" his father asked.

"Is that her name? I don't know, she was here and then she was gone but for whatever reason I feel like I need…her," he was frustrated and his hands flailed around in the air like he was a mad man.

"That makes sense, she is pretty important. Clary has been your best friend since you were seven," the woman, chimed sweetly taking a seat on his bed. She ran her fingers through his hair. Her expression was sad. "Clary will come back. She needs…time. She has been through a lot the last month."

"I'm the one who has suppressed my memories due to some horrific event and she needs time?"

"Jace," his father reached out. "You were dead twenty four hours ago. She will come."

She will come, give her time…give her time? He needed her now, it boiled up in him like a volcano just waiting to erupt.

XXX

Clary sat on the curb of the street with her legs pulled into her chest. She managed to calm herself enough for the tears to stop. She sat there for hours rocking herself back and forth. Her world had been crushed and pieced back together and then demolished again. How much could one person handle? Simon pulled up in his black '89 Honda; he has had that car for years.

"Clary?" he said quietly as she plopped herself in the seat next to him.

She sat with her head down, picking at her fingernails. She tried hard not to cry. Clary bit her top lip and her head fell back, tears threatened to spill down her cheeks as she looked over at Simon, "He doesn't remember me Si."

Simon's hands fell from the steering wheel and the blood drained from his face. Clary now knew why they called it white as a ghost because that's how he looked. He ran a hand through his dark shaggy hair and stared out the window in front of him. He looked back at Clary and wrapped his arms around her like a vice. _I won't cry, I won't cry_, she thought. She couldn't help it. The tears fell silently and dampened his black Aerosmith t-shirt. "Take me home."

"You don't want to…" She cut him off by shaking her head.

He took her to her old house. She just wanted to clear her head of the mess that had become her life. She lay on her bed with Simon next to her rubbing her back and stared into Jace's room. It was empty, barren of life…for the time being. She could almost see him standing in the window, his eyes raking through the tree branches trying to find her…and he did.

"You remember when you broke your arm…" Simon chuckled. How could she forget?

~oOo~

Clary was fifteen and everyone decided to go ice skating in central park. She had never gone before and she was very excited. Clary begged Jace to drive, pulling out her big green eyes on him. He was supposed to have a date with some girl, Trina, or Trixie or some shit like that. Clary didn't care, Jace owed her for the last time she covered his ass when he decided not to go home after a party.

"Please, Stitches…" her lip came out in a pout and she batted her eyes. It worked every time.

"No," he stood with his arms crossed over his chest trying very hard not to look at her. "Ask Jon."

"Ew, No!" her face twisted with disgust. "You can bring Candy. Take a girl on a romantic date for once."

"Candy?" he blinked quizzically. "Why would I bring candy? I'm not hungry."

"Isn't that her name?"

Jace scratched his head and laughed, "Um…no."

"Then what is it?"

Jace shrugged, "I don't take girls on "romantic" dates. I take girls on dates where it doesn't require me to spend money but yet I still get what I want and so does she."

"You're a pig, and you're taking me or I'll tell your mom where you really were last Friday."

"You wouldn't," his eyes grew wide. Being at a party wasn't a big deal to his parents, but being at a frat party was something completely different. Clary smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine…" he sighed. Clary bounced up and down excitedly and perched herself on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. "You're a horrible best friend, you know that."

Clary giggled and turned to leave his house, "I love you, Stitches." She called as she walked out the door.

Little did Jace know that Clary had invited Simon and Izzy too. Alec was…busy. The rink was full of people, couples on romantic dates that seemed to make Jace sick to his stomach to see. Clary thought it would take a miracle for him to ever be monogamous. Izzy was a pro at ice skating and rubbed it everyone's faces. Clary clung to Simon while Jace stood on the side and pouted about missing his…date.

"Come on Stitches," she yelled. He shook his head, being his stubborn self and Clary hobbled over trying to keep her balance. "You could at least pretend to have fun."

"This isn't fun to me, Red. Fun would be what I had planned tonight."

"Aw," she stuck out her lip, "poor Jace missed his date to hang out with his best friend. A horrible exchange wasn't it?"

"Yes," he smirked.

"You're an ass. Don't act like hanging out with me is the worst thing on the planet. At least now I don't have to hear about you and Lola."

"Lola?"

"Or whatever the hell her name was. You don't even remember so quit pouting and get on the ice."

She had finally coaxed him out and they circled the rink arm in arm. Simon eyed them with distaste the entire time. Jace shot them back every chance he got. They never got along, one always fighting the other for Clary's attention trying to prove who was the better friend. Clary positioned herself in front of Jace and skated backwards while holding his hands in hers. She wasn't paying attention and apparently neither was he. She slammed into something hard and she toppled over, taking Jace with her.

"Simon!" Jace yelled pushing himself off of Clary. He had been the hard something she slammed into and she had become the meat in between a Jace and Simon sandwich. Clary lay still on the cold ice with her left arm cradled to her body while the two of them yelled at each other.

"You were facing me, weren't you paying attention?" Simon hollered.

"Don't blame me for this shit! Why were you just standing there? It's an ice skating rink. That means you move around it with your skates jack ass. Isabelle isn't that pretty and you won't get any from her so keep dreaming," Jace thrust a hand at Izzy, who just huffed.

Neither of them bothered to pay attention to Clary, still on the ground. "Guys," she said shakily. They ignored her more and continued to yell. "JACE and SIMON!" She had their attention now and they both stared at her in shock. Simon attempted to shuffle to his feet while Jace knelt next to her.

"Red, are you O.K.?"

"No!" she tried to hold back the tears but it hurt…so bad. The whole left side of her body felt like it had been demolished. "My arm, I think it's broken."

"Shit!"

They rushed her to the nearest hospital where Jace and Simon continued to argue. She was sick and tired of their pissing contest now. She didn't care whose shit was bigger, she just wanted the pain to stop. "Shut UP! BOTH OF YOU!" she yelled and they bowed their heads. "I'm tired of your shit! Stitches," he shot his head up in the direction of the exam table where she sat still holding her arm. "When my dad gets here, take Simon and Izzy home. In the mean-time, I don't want to hear a word from any of you!"

~oOo~

"I loved using that as a guilt trip on both of you," Clary giggled.

"I know. It really was his fault though," Simon mused. Clary sighed, thinking back on all the great times they had. How could Jace forget them? They had a great childhood, minus a few blips on Clary's part but if it hadn't been for Simon and Jace she probably would have been committed. "Clary?" Simon murmured into her hair.

"Hmm."

"Did you really not know?"

Clary sat up and eyed him curiously, "Know what?"

"How crazy in love with you we both ar-were?"

"I-I guess I never saw it that way. I had a different kind of friendship with both of you and never thought of it pasy that until…"

"Until Jace woke the hell up, I never thought he was good for you," he said as he sat up.

"He and I get each other Simon. Not that you don't get me it's just…different. And now you have Iz," she fidgeted while she said it, only peeking at him when she said Isabelle's name.

His face contorted, "Iz? I have Iz? I suppose you're right, but she isn't you."

"Simon," she whispered. "We tried…"

"What if it we didn't try hard enough? How many times have I sat and listened to you cry over him Clary? We were happy when he was gone."

"No Si, you were happy when he was gone. Even if Jace and I never got together, I was still miserable when he wasn't here. I love you both…"

"You just love him more," Simon's head fell.

"No," she shook her head.

"Yes, you do. You always have."

"Not more, Si. Different. My love for him is different," she sighed. "Why are you doing this now?"

"He doesn't remember, Clary. How could anyone forget you?" He reached his hand up to touch her cheek but she pulled back.

"Stop it! I think you should go," she turned her head toward the door.

"Clary, what if he doesn't ever remember?" Simon's tone was desperate.

"I'll wait until he does," she spat angrily.

"You'll wait forever?"

"I promised him forever Simon and that's what I'll give him. Now go, before you ruin what little friendship we have left."

Simon stood from the bed like he was in shock and walked to her door. He stopped before he left and stared at her but left without another word. She had done it again. She broke Simon's heart for the second time. How could he do that to her? He knows! At least, she thought he did. She didn't want to lose Simon any more than she wanted to lose Jace but…She wanted to scream!

~oOo~

He should have been happy. The doctors found nothing wrong with his head, besides the fact that he was memory retarded and he got to leave that God forsaken hospital. Although he was hungry, the food was hideous. Celine promised to make him his favorite meal…whatever that was. Jace's biggest problem was the fact that SHE hadn't come back. It had been two days! He was beginning to think he didn't have a best friend anymore.

A girl with long black hair came to see him. What was her name again? Elizabeth? He shook his head. He didn't care who she was, he just wanted HER. Celine made pork chops with sautéed onions and garlic, mashed potatoes with bacon and cheese melted on the top and…peas? She had to be kidding! Jace hated peas…wait! He knew he hated peas!

"I hate peas, with a fiery passion. Shouldn't my mother know that?" He blinked at her curiously while pushing a tiny green sphere around his plate.

Celine laughed and set down a container full of green beans. "Wishful thinking."

"It won't be so wishful if I blow chunks all over the table," he winced.

"You ate peas for Clary once," Stephen chimed.

"Why would I do that? Does she know I hate them?" Jace asked studying his father.

"There isn't anything Clary doesn't know. She probably knows more than we do," Celine chuckled. "In fact I know she does."

"Why?"

"You're just really close," Stephen shrugged.

"Not close enough I guess, since she doesn't feel the need to see me," Jace mumbled.

"Clary will come. She has a lot on her plate, speaking of…" Celine pointed her fork at his heaping pile of untouched food. "Clean yours."

Jace cut into the pork chop and hesitantly put it in his mouth. Holy Shit! Now he knew why it was his favorite and the potatoes…mouth-watering and delicious were the only words he could come up with. "So," Jace started, "is there a girl-friend or something I should be expecting? Or do I need to ask Clary that too? If she ever decides to show herself again."

"No…girl-friend, per se," Stephen chewed while waving his fork in the air. "And cut Clary some slack. I understand your frustration Jace, but be reasonable."

BE REASONABLE? Is that really what he just said? This…this tiny, red haired, green eyed, infuriating, yet very adorable girl was the answer to all of his questions and he was supposed to be REASONABLE? Especially when she decided to go awol? No! He shook his head and huffed. This was irritating. Jace retreated to his incredibly neat room and tossed himself on the bed, completely forgetting about his hand and sucked a breath in through his teeth at the pain. He would lose his mind before he got a change to find it again.

Jace sat up and stared out his window to the backyard, an old swing set sat in the neighbor's yard. He had this weird pull to it and didn't know why. He studied it, searching yet again for some memory, some sign of recognition…nothing. He sighed, why wouldn't she just come to him already? Maybe if he went to the swing set she would show? What the fuck? Was he crazy? Go sit at a swing set and she would come? Not a chance in hell! He rolled over and let sleep take him over. Her emerald eyes haunted his dreams.

When Jace woke the next morning he thought he smelled…lilacs and vanilla? Yup! He needed to be put in a straight-jacket and carted off to the nut house. There weren't even any lilac bushes around. He got up, showered, gave into his mother's plea's to eat breakfast and then fed his own insatiable need to go to that damn swing set. He sat on the swing with his hands clutching the chains and not to his surprise, she didn't come. She didn't show all day! What the hell was wrong with her?

After dinner Jace went to his room and dug through a C.D. collection that was shoved into the back of his closet. He needed something hard and loud. When he didn't find anything that would match up to how he felt he stood at his window and stared at the swing set again. He hated it already. His other window gave him view of the house next to his. He couldn't make out much inside it because it was dark but thought something about it was familiar. He shoved his good hand in his pocket and let the other dangle at his side, hanging his head.

There was a creak in the floor boards behind him. It was different than when his parents came to check on him. His heart slammed in his chest and his breath caught. He knew why it was different…it was HER. He turned his head but only slightly, "Took ya long enough."

When she spoke it sent a shiver up his spine. "How do you always know it's me?"

He turned to face her now. A worried expression painted her face, her hair fell around her in untamed curls and she fidgeted. He wanted to walk to her and shove his fingers in between hers to make it stop. "You're the only one who's made that board creak like that," he pointed to the floor. She smiled, but he didn't know what for. He wasn't trying to be funny, it was true.

"You look much better," she said quietly as she tip toed near him.

"Do I? I guess I wouldn't know," Jace ran his good hand through his hair nervously. Why the hell was he nervous? "You would though, right?" He gestured to her. "From what I'm told you are the master in all that is me, or all that was me."

"I could have said the same about you three months ago," she sat at the edge of his bed with her legs pulled under her. "I'm sorry, I should have been here," she sighed. "But when you woke up and asked who I was…" her head fell. He moved toward her, unable to stop himself. He was drawn to her like a magnet. He wanted to touch her, just to make sure she was there. Seeing is not always believing, but he felt a sense of relief wash over him at her presence.

"You must be pretty important then, if you're the expert," he stood in front of her now. She looked up her expression unreadable, pain, anger, happiness, all of them present in some way. He realized why she had been fidgeting so much when she held up her left hand, the back of it facing him. There on her ring finger sat a diamond with smaller ones intricately braided on the sides of the band.

"You're pretty important too," she whispered. His heart sunk into the pit of his stomach and he felt the blood drain from his face.

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><p><em><strong>Not a horrible cliffy is it? No...not as bad as the last one...<strong>_

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_**xoxo Livybug**_


	16. fix you

**Alright Dolls here you are! Over 150 REVIEWS! I LOVE LOVE LOVE you all SO much! You truely are the greatest readers ever! I didn't announce it with the last chapter but it was posted in honor of the release of COLS. This is for all you Mommies out there who are reading this. Happy Mother's Day! **

**************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__**************

**************__**Song for this chapter 'Fix You' by Cold play...I'm working on a full playlist for the song and I will post it on my tumbl page when I'm finished. OH and I'm looking for banners for my tumblr...i'm terrible at making them! So if you have a knack for them you're more than welcome to post!**__**************

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

Jace's good hand involuntarily flew to his chest to make sure his heart was actually still there. He thought it stopped for a second. "You're…" he started and pointed at her. "We're…" he motioned his finger between the two of them, "married?" Jace sat down on the bed next to her a little in shock.

Clary dropped her hand back in her lap and let out a quick sniff through her nose while she laughed, "Not yet." His father's comment from the previous night rang in his head, 'No…girl-friend, per se.' He felt like such a dick. Shit! He should have picked up on the signs. "Stitches…" she sighed and seemed to catch herself a little too late. Her hand came up and her finger tips grazed her lips. He wanted to do that just, not with his fingers.

He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes, "You said that at the hospital too."

"Yeah," her hand fell, "It's my nickname for you."

"Where did that come from?" he smirked. Clary brought her hand up cautiously and ran her thumb over his chin. "The scar?"

"Mmhmm," she giggled. She had a cute laugh. He kinda wanted to hear it again. "I pushed you off the swing in my backyard the day we met and broke your chin open. You had to have stitches. So that's where it came from. It was more to piss you off then. You were seven, I was six."

"Why would you push me off the swing?"

"Because it was MY swing and you were taunting me. That's when I got my nickname too."

"Which is…" he raked his brain while she stared, a shred of hope in her eyes. She lifted a curl from her shoulder and twisted it in her fingers. "Red," he whispered. He could hear her young voice in the back of his head, 'Hey, that's MY swing,' but couldn't recall the whole event. How badly he wanted to see it, wanted to see her but now he knew why the swing set held such a weight for him.

"We hated each other," she laughed again. It brought a smile to his face. He couldn't ever see himself hating her.

"So how did we go from being the bane of each other's existence to engaged?"

"Lots of time, patience and many ex-girlfriends," she smirked.

"Mine or yours?" he pointed at her.

She laughed again, "Glad to see you still have your old sense of humor, yours by the way. You never knew about any of MY girlfriends," her eye brow shot up in evil genius fashion.

"That's a shame. I probably could have given you some pointers."

"Always the egotistical ass," she let herself fall back on his bed but held a smile.

"Must not have turned you off too much."

"I'm used to it," she propped herself on her elbows. "Best Friend, remember?"

"No actually," he dropped his head remembering how he felt before she came. "Why did it take you so long?" He turned to her and stared daggers at her. He needed to know. If she was his best friend, his soon to be wife then why did she stay away?

"You have no idea what it's been like," she shot up. He could have sworn he saw some anger flare up. "You DIED, we buried you," she was louder and there was a hint of panic that seeped through. "You left me here ALONE with a b…" she stopped herself.

"With a what?"

"Nothing," she mumbled letting herself fall back with a huff. What the hell? He got the dead part and the alone part but what else was there?

"Tell me," he probed.

"No…" her answer was short and cutting. She really did know how to push his buttons, he didn't even know he had buttons to push but she sure as hell did.

"Keeping things from me isn't exactly going to help me get my memory back."

She sat straight up eyes wide, "It will come back?"

"The doctor said it would. He said it could take hours, days or maybe months but eventually yes."

"Well, then I'll tell you everything and I'll fix you," Clary smiled weakly. Jace smiled in return and let himself fall back next to her. She started at the beginning, not sparing any detail. She went over how they met again and told him how they later became friends. She went over their nightly rituals of tents made out of comforters that covered their entire rooms, pinky swears and spit shakes. She told him about Simon, Izzy and Alec, who was his other best friend. They snuck downstairs to get something to eat while she went over their first kiss and he was relieved to know that he actually was a better kisser than Simon, even though he couldn't picture Simon in his head. When Clary mentioned him, all Jace could think about was Harry Potter…creepy.

Every once in a while he would catch a glimpse of a memory but it faded faster than it appeared and it pissed him off. Clary continued to tell him about his girlfriends, which even made him shudder. Was he that big of a whore? She told him about football and her brother, Jonathan. He wasn't too keen on the feeling he got from hearing about her brother. Jace got the distinct impression he didn't like him. She went on to explain about Sebastian, which made his hands shake and anger rise out of the pit of his stomach.

"Wait, slow down. So…we never…dated in school?"

"Uh uh," she shook her head while sucking Cheetos cheese off her fingers. That seemed a little like Déjà vu but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Why?"

"Um…because you were a hormonally challenged sex-aholic and we just…didn't," she shrugged. "We needed the friendship while we were still in school. Everyone thought we did but…alas we did not."

"I was a hormonally challenged sex-aholic?" his eye brows rose in disbelief, not because he didn't believe what she said but because if he was that way…then was she?

"Yup!"

"And you weren't?" he asked from his desk chair eyeing Clary curiously on the bed. She looked really good against his white comforter. _STOP IT_, he thought, _but she is his fiancé_…GOD maybe he was a sex-aholic!

"No," she scoffed. Jace sat back in his chair and tapped his fingers on his leg, "Not in high school anyway, or college really. After I came home from school it was different, A LOT different," She giggled. "It came in spurts"

"See even you had your time, don't judge," he pointed leaning his elbows on his knees.

"Well my time can't be categorized as whoring around. I was always with the same person."

He cocked his head, curious as to whom it was, "Lucky guy."

"Yeah, you are. At least I like to think so," she was lying flat on her stomach while swinging her legs back and forth.

"Me?"

"Yup!" she smiled. "My one and only, although, I'm pretty positive you thought I slept with Simon but you never asked. Probably because you would be forced to hurt him if I really had and then I would have been forced to hurt you," a vicious grin slid onto her lips.

"You…hurt me?" he scoffed.

"I have…" a pause. "I hurt you pretty bad once…um twice…that I can think of." He thought about her words; let them fester in his mind. There was no way she could hurt him physically. She was just too little. "This last time was your third tour of duty. This…" she pointed to her ring, "Didn't start until your first." She told him about Amsterdam, and God he wished that memory was there. The image of her and what it was like to be with her like that, so close and free of the confines of being 'just friends' was something he would kill for in that moment. He wanted to remember how he felt and his perception of what she felt. She told him what happened when he came home on leave and then…the phone call. "I pushed you away before we had chance to figure out what it was we were doing. I did it because I knew I couldn't handle losing you and being more than friends only made that fear worse. It wasn't one of my better moments," she snorted.

"Somehow it all came together."

"You came back and I was with Simon. I'm pretty sure you wanted to murder him…and me," she smiled. "That was the first time we ever fought and it sucked ass, fighting with you really blows," her head bobbed up and down. "But it was also the first time I told you I loved you and REALLY meant it. You said it too, you just didn't actually say 'I love you,' you yelled at me and made me feel like shit."

"I yelled at you…?"

She nodded and her piercing green eyes met his, "But I knew what you meant, you've always had your own way of doing or saying things and it's always the opposite of the point you're trying to make. The second time I hurt you was…when I gave this back." She twisted the ring around her finger and Jace's head shot up with his eyes wide.

"You gave it back?"

"More like threw it at you."

"Why?"

"Because…you volunteered for this last tour and I never thought it would be possible to hate you but…I hated you," her voice shook and he could see the tears start to form. "There is a very thin line between love and hate and there is no other way to describe how I felt except…I hated you." One tear spilled over and he had to fight the urge to go to her and wipe it away. "You promised you would never leave if you didn't have to and, you did." _Shit_, he thought. He couldn't fight it anymore. Jace stood from the chair and moved to the bed where he sat with one leg propped and the other hanging off the edge. "You promised you would always come back," her tears came faster now, "and you died."

"Shhh, don't cry," he whispered as he reached his good hand up to wipe her tears away. "I'm here."

Jace pulled Clary into him and let her cry. He knew that just being there physically wasn't enough. He knew that to her, it probably felt like she was being cheated because he couldn't remember anything. It was like having an egg without the yolk inside. The egg was there but it was just an empty shell. He ran his fingers through her silky red hair and laid her down. "I want to remember," he murmured pulling back to look at her.

~oOo~

Clary woke the next morning surrounded by warmth, his warmth. She lay on her side, her back to his chest with his arm hanging over her hip. She missed this, she missed feeling him close. The night before had been such an emotional roller coaster she hadn't realized how exhausted she was but…she slept. She slept better last night than she had since he left three months prior. She felt…home. Clay smiled to herself while running her fingers over his hand. It was amazing to her that only a couple days ago he had looked so broken and now, it was as if he was himself again.

Jace shifted in his sleep and her heart skipped a beat. Clary didn't want him to pull away. She didn't want to feel the emptiness at his absence. To her relief he didn't wake, instead his arm tightened around her, pulling her closer to bury his face in her hair. She could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck and it sent shivers of want up her spine. Her skin pebbled and the tiny hairs on her arm stood. The way her body responded to just his smallest motion was overwhelming. Even if he didn't remember her, he still had this invisible, unwavering hold on her and she loved it.

Clary knew it would end eventually. She would have to wake him so she could go to work. The inconvenience that was her boss said she needed to meet him to help set up a new exhibit. She twisted to her other side and took in his peacefulness. She gently ran her fingers over his eye brows, his cheek bones, his jaw and then his lips. She missed his lips. They weren't rough and dry anymore but soft and smooth. She tilted her head up and touched hers gently to his, just the slightest graze.

"I'm pretty positive it's illegal to molest a cripple," Jace whispered letting his lips move against hers.

She smiled, "You're not a cripple, just mentally challenged…literally," she giggled and let her face fall away from him. His nose pressed against the top of her head and she heard him take in a breath.

"Lilacs, lavender, and vanilla," he murmured sleepily. "I missed that."

Clary brought her gaze to his with slight shock written on her face. "You remember…"

"I remember small things. I woke up yesterday smelling this and didn't know why, now I do. I see flashes of red and green in my dreams but never your face. I know it's you though," he brought his hand up and let his thumb graze her cheek.

"It's a start," she whispered melting into his tawny eyes. He nodded and smiled while gently rubbing his nose against hers. "I have to go to work."

"No you don't," he said defiantly pushing her down to laying his head on her chest and tightening his grip on her waist. "Call in dead."

Clary laughed and combed her fingers through his curls, "If we want a place to live, then I need to go to work."

"A place to live?" He looked up at her curiously.

"Yeah, rent has to be paid on our apartment in order for us to continue living there."

"We have an apartment? Like just ours, no one else lives there but us?"

"Just like that, yes." Jace was quiet and his silence unnerved her. Should she not have told him? She knew that throwing the 'hey! You're gonna be a dad!' thing at him would be WAY too much but she thought that them having their own place would be…common sense? "Stitch…Jace?" she caught herself. He stared at her with a blank expression. "Are you O.K.?"

"Fine, can I see it?"

Clary snorted a laugh and he cocked his head quizzically at her, "You don't need my permission to go to your own apartment."

"But I…"

She tentatively placed a finger to his lips to quiet him and said, "Just because you don't remember doesn't make it any less yours. It's still your home…If…"

"If?"

"If… you want it to be."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Jace," she sighed. "That is a life you don't even know existed. I'm not going to pretend that everything can just go back to the way it was. It's not all rainbows and sunshine right now, maybe you don't want that life anymore."

"I wanted it before didn't I?" he murmured, taking her left hand and playing with the band circling it.

"I like to think so," she stared back at him. She searched him for answers like she had so many times before and usually found them. Those that were once crystal clear were now shrouded in mystery. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, "I have to go but I'll come back after work." His grip on her hand strengthened while she tried to get off the bed. She looked back and saw the doubt in his eyes, "Pinky swear, I'll be back." She held out her littlest finger and curled it around his. It seemed to ease his worry but she saw that it was only a minimal change.

The growing distance between them tore Clary apart inside. She had just gotten him back and even though he was lacking in the memory department, he still managed to be her Jace. The same Jace she had known and loved her whole life. She went to her house, showered, changed and made it to work on time but just barely. Her co-workers buzzed with excitement that Jace made it home and probed her for information. She found that she didn't want to tell them anything. Clary wanted to keep all their time to herself; she didn't want to share him.

UGH! This day was going by WAY to slow! She just wanted work to be over already. The exhibit she was helping with was one that she was excited for but after last night and Jace and this morning, all she wanted to do was lock herself in a room with him and never let him leave…at least not until he remembered. He would remember right? He had to! She felt she wouldn't be able to tell him about the baby until he did. Clary knew she would have to tell him and soon. The baby bump would show at some point. She just hoped he remembered how it got there before she just sprang it on him.

Clary took her usual route home. She hopped the train and walked the five blocks to the apartment. She did Jace's routine, making sure the spare key was in its place…it was gone…WAIT! The key is gone? Clary ran down the hall and hurried up the steps. She couldn't get to the door fast enough. What if someone broke in? What would they take? Her heart hammered in her chest and her breaths came heavily. When she made it to the door it was closed, completely undisturbed. That shook her even more, a thief with manners? She turned the cold silver knob and pushed the door open; careful not to alert someone she was there if they were still inside. She peeked her head in to find an empty living room. She shuffled in and closed the door behind her as quietly as she could.

Clary tip-toed into the kitchen…empty, then down the hall into her bedroom. There he sat, holding one of her shirts in his hand. She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, "You found your way home."

Jace looked up, startled at first but his demeanor changed quickly and he smiled, "Yeah, I went for a walk and ended up here. This is…"

"Our room," she cut him off. "This is where the magic happens." Jace chuckled and Clary smiled as she neared him. She plopped down on the bed, her arm grazing his and it sent of jolt of electricity through her. "Do you remember anything?"

"Bits and pieces, mainly the T.V."

"Of course you would remember the T.V. gotta have football," she rolled her eyes

"Absolutely, who could forget football?" He stole a sideways glance at her with a wide smirk.

"You're a dick," she laughed.

"What? I agreed with you," he joked.

"Anything OTHER than football or the T.V.?" She was hoping for much, much more. Like the day that she got pregnant?

"Clips here and there of you painting and…tampons?" He looked at her skeptically.

Clary burst out laughing. Having the image of showering him with tampons flood her memory was more than she could handle given her current predicament. "Um…yeah," she felt her cheeks flush. "I...a…thought I was late and showering you with tampons was me telling you about it."

Jace didn't laugh; he stared into her like he was waiting for her to tell him who really killed President Kennedy. "Were you?"

"Was I what?"

"Late."

She giggled, "Yeah I was but it was a false alarm." She felt like the worst person on the planet. She could have used that as her scapegoat for telling him about the baby but she still didn't think he was ready for it. She wasn't REALLY lying. That time had been a false alarm.

"How long ago was it?" He asked looking at her shirt in his hand.

"Ah, that would have been just shy of a year ago…about nine months," she laughed.

"Good, I was hoping I wasn't stupid enough to leave if you were," he swallowed nervously, "pregnant." He let the full force of his honey eyes burn her.

"I don't think you would have. Not if you had known," she shook her head.

He stared at her, still searching for something. He opened his mouth to speak but decided against whatever it was he was going to say. Clary furrowed her eye brows and turned, propping a leg up on the bed. "What?"

"Nothing," he shook his head.

"No, tell me," she probed starting to fear that maybe he could see right through her.

~oOo~

The look she was giving him was somewhat scared but yet curious. He didn't know if she would be O.K. with what he wanted to ask but there wasn't anything else in the world he wanted at that moment. Should he ask or just do it? He shouldn't have to ask, given that she had just told him that had a pregnancy scare once. They had their own apartment and…bedroom. People who live together and sleep in the same bed are obviously intimate. So why was he so unsure of something so small? Was it because of his lack of memory? He didn't know, but he didn't want to just do it.

"I want…" he stopped.

"What?"

"I want to kiss you but I don't know if…" he was cut short by her lips meeting his and her fingers tangling in the curls behind his ears. She tasted sweet, like strawberries. Her lips were soft and tender against his. He brought his good hand up and cradled the back of her neck. Images of every kiss they had ever had flashed in his mind. The first one with the cautious yet, scared look in her eyes, every one after that with each emotion, hungry, playful, happy and sad. The very last was the one that stuck with him the most. The look in her eyes as he kissed her goodbye before he left for war. It was a look of fear, need and desperation. Her eyes seemed to speak more to him than her words ever did.

Her tongue slid passed his lips and it sent heat waves through his body. He hadn't wanted more than a kiss at that point and didn't expect more but she pushed herself up and swung her leg over his lap, straddling him. He never knew it was possible to feel such a primal need to be close to someone, an animal instinct. Had it always been this way? Had he always felt he needed her like he did now? She rocked her hips against him slowly but the heat between them was intense.

Jace's fingertips danced at the hem of her shirt, sucking in the warmth of her skin underneath. Clary untwisted her fingers from his hair and ran them down his sides. She lifted his shirt up and over his head but it got caught on his cast and they both laughed trying to get it loose. "Fuck it," he whispered irritated with the shirt and pulled hers off to reveal her soft, milky, freckle dusted skin. He loved her freckles. He wanted to count every single one and memorize there positions. He pulled back to look at her, to take her all in. He didn't want to just memorize her freckles. He wanted to memorize every part of her, to make sure he never forgot again.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and twisted her on her back. His fingers trembled lightly as he ran them along her collar bone then down the valley between her breasts, his lips following the same path. Her breath caught when he reached her stomach and he gently pressed butterfly kisses below her belly button. He felt Clary shift lightly beneath him and looked up to see a curious smile on her face. "What?" He smirked.

"Nothing," she murmured, "Come here." She pushed a piece of hair from his face, guiding his lips back to hers. He held himself up with his elbows on either side of her head to brace his weight over her extremely tiny body. He was amazed at how little she was. Clary linked her fingers in his belt loops, pulling him closer. He could feel her pelvic bone grinding against his, painful and oh, so delicious at the same time. Her primal need was a bit more over bearing than his as she didn't seem willing to let him take his time.

Her hands drew from the loops and quickly unlatched the button. She hooked her thumbs at the sides of his pants and boxers and pushed them down. She really wasn't playing, so much for memorizing those freckles. Her kisses were faster, harder…hungrier. Jace slid his hands up under her skirt and pulled her panties down. He slowly lowered into her and her back arched as she moaned. It was a relief, nothing in that moment mattered but them, not that he couldn't remember their past, and not that he had been dead in her reality, just this. He moved slow, careful and she seemed content with that.

She was perfect, everything about the way she felt and how she moved seamlessly with him was flawless. She knew the exact way to hold her hips and positioned her hands with complete certainty, knowing precisely how to make his body tingle and burn for her. If there was nothing else he was sure of in this world it was that he was made for her and her for him.

He caught glimpses of them together. He remembered tears from the first time and that unrelenting feeling of need. Her song voice rang in his head 'Catch me if you caaan,' and his heart leapt. His first full memory came back then, just as her legs tensed and her muscles contracted around him.

~oOo~

It had been a long day of moving. For someone who didn't have a lot of stuff to move, she sure had a lot of shit! Jonathan and Simon reluctantly agreed to help but Jace was sure Clary had bribed or threatened them in some way. He didn't care, he was just glad he didn't have to do it all on his own. Clary and Isabelle were M.I.A. She said they had to shop because his collection of cooking utensils wasn't large enough. Damn women always needing more. He hated that she left him alone with her brother and Harry Potter, not his favorite people. On the Brightside though, they didn't want to be around him either so they worked fast.

They packed all of her art supplies in the spare room, her clothes in the bedroom and condiments in the bathroom. "You'll be sleeping on the couch, I presume?" Jonathan growled stiffly from the kitchen island.

Jace stood in the living room facing the T.V. it was Sunday and the Jets were playing. Clary would pick a Sunday to move. Jace turned at the snide remark with his arms crossed over his chest and smiled wryly, "Absolutely, she's just my roommate. I only asked her to move in to help with the rent. I willingly gave up my bedroom."

"Your sarcasm isn't helping you any," Jonathan spat through his teeth.

Jace saw this as the perfect opportunity to push his buttons even further. "O.K.," he nodded. "Then maybe the truth will set you free," he made his way around the couch and sauntered toward the kitchen. "I fully intend on ravaging your sister into complete and utter bliss, multiple times actually. No room in this apartment will be spared after you leave…unless," he waived his hand in the air, "You'd like to stay and watch but that just seems…wrong. Simon can stay too. We can have a party afterwards. Wha'dya say?" Jace smirked viciously, knowing he didn't just push the buttons he beat on them with a hammer.

"You are one sick…"

"What about a party?" Simon asked rounding the corner to meet Jace and Jonathan in the kitchen.

"There will be no party Simon. In fact I think we should leave," Jonathan snipped.

"What about Clary? Won't she be back soon?"

"Yup, she will," Jace added leaning his elbows against the counter smiling wide.

"She didn't move that far away, let's go."

"Bu…"

"NOW SIMON!"

"Fine," Simon sighed.

"Hey guys, thanks for the help, couldn't have done it without ya!" Jace waived and watched as they sulked out the door. He laughed feeling more than satisfied with himself. He hadn't actually planned on doing that but now that he thought about it…it was a damn good idea.

Clary and Izzy came back not long after Jon and Simon left. They walked in the door yapping about Oneida something or other. Jace sat on the edge of the couch, elbows perched on his knees completely engrossed in the game. Jace turned and greeted Clary with a smile but it fell once Izzy walked through the door. They still fought like cats and dogs. The girls set down the bags and he beckoned Clary over with a wave of his hand. She came, stood between his legs and leaned down for a kiss.

"Hi," she chimed against his lips.

"Hi," he answered wrapping his arms around her.

"ICK," Izzy shook her head, "You two are vomit worthy. Where is Simon?" She planted her hands on her hips and tapped her foot expectantly.

Jace sighed and his hands fell, turning to Isabelle he said, "Gone."

Clary furrowed her brows and looked at Izzy then back to Jace, "Where did he go?"

"He and Jon left about a half hour ago."

"What did you say to them?"

Jace looked at her innocently, "Nothing," he shrugged.

"Jonathan Christopher Herondale, you are a bad, terrible even horrible liar," Clary smirked.

"I'm leaving," Izzy waived and headed for the door.

"Thank you for coming with me Iz," Clary hollered as she nodded and shut the door behind her.

Clary's attention fell back on Jace. He sat with a sly smile painted on his face, "Did you buy food too?" He asked, running his hands up her hips and sliding them under her shirt.

"Why yes, it just so happens I did. Why?" she cocked her head seeing the wheels spinning in his head.

"Good," he lifted her onto his lap and smiled wider. "Because we're gonna be VERY hungry later."

Clary rested her arms on his shoulders and latched her hands together behind his head, "Is that so?"

"Yep," he nodded, pulling her in to kiss her and they did exactly as he previously planned.

~oOo~

Clary lay with her cheek pressed against Jace's warm chest, still slick with sweat. He twisted her soft, fiery licks of curls in his fingers as he told her what he remembered. She felt the vibration of his chest beneath her when he chuckled, "So maybe we should re-christen the apartment in honor of my return."

"Mmm," Clary smiled and pushed up to rest her head on his shoulder. "Sound good to me."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AWWWW! How sweet! <strong>_

_**Jace: So...I'm alive...and all my parts work...Thank the Angel!**_

_**Me: you're such a man**_

_**Jace: Uh...it's important that those particular parts work.**_

_**Me: absolutely...**_

_**Okie Dokei...You all know what to do! So push that little button down there labeled Review and make me have some warm and fuzzies! Ok? Ok! I have done some math...of 100 readers about 30 will review...that's 30%...and although i LOVE the 30% of you that are reviewing I wish it were higher. Some of you are probably upset that 'Last Words' hasn't been updated but i have decided that i will stop writing it until this one is finished. My beta has some stuff going on and it's just hard keeping up with two stories in my head. I am NOT abandoning it! It will be finished! OH and VOTE VOTE VOTE! I REALLY want your guys opinion on this! Go to my profile and VOTE! I was asked how many more chapters there will be...i can't give an answer to that bc um...idk i write on the fly (Horrible i know) but i'm thinking 2 maybe 3 and an epilogue so VOTE bc i need those results SOON! **_

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_**BTW...I finished COLS last night. I LOVED IT! Who else has finished it? Let's chat! I'm gonna hope for 200 reviews but realistically will be happy with 175 bc that is about how many of you will statistically review...Suprise me! PLEASE!**_


	17. Who are they?

**Alrighty then! Here you are my peeps! This chpt is un-beta'd bc In The Fray has been a busy bust girl! So...plz excuse any mistakes. Thank you all for the reviews. I have said it before an I will say it again...you are the bestest readers ever and I love you!**

****************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__****************

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

It had been two weeks. Jace refused his parents plea's to come home saying, "I lived with Red in the apartment before and I will now." It made Clary smile. Her hormones were driving her crazy though. The second trimester of her pregnancy she found herself wanting LOTS of Jace's attention. She wanted sex all the time, normally that wouldn't be a problem except, she still hadn't told him about the bun in the oven. He remembered things here and there but never the one thing she wanted him to.

Clary stood in front of the mirror and ran her hand over her barely there baby bump. She hiked up her shirt and turned to the side. She noticed the change of course, but Jace wouldn't be able to see it, not yet anyway. Her hands flew up to her hair and she huffed, frustration, anger, sadness. She wanted Jace to know but she also wanted him to be happy about it. There was a knock at the door and she heard Jace's voice from behind the door, "You O.K. in there?" It made her jump and her heart race. Thank GOD, he knocked now. Old Jace would have just barged in.

"Red?" His voice was strained and full of concern, she loved that he called her Red again. Clary had probably been in the bathroom for about an hour. She showered, dressed, sat on the toilet and racked her brain for a good fifteen minutes then stood in front of the mirror examining herself for another ten. She had to tell him and soon. She ran her hands through her frizzy, still damp curls and let out a sigh. She reached for the door and opened it, plastering a smile on her face.

"I'm fine, just doing…girl stuff," she cocked her head standing in the doorway. "You know, girl…stuff."

Jace stood in all his golden beautiful glory, his head cocked like hers, his casted arm bracing his weight against the frame. He broke out his panty dropping smirk and Clary couldn't help but melt into his bare chest taking in his sweet but spicy scent. It didn't make her sick anymore to smell it. In fact when it came from him directly it wasn't as strong, not when mixed with the smell of his skin and she loved that smell. "You sure? Did I…"

"You haven't done anything wrong," she shook her head into his chest. "Quit doing that."

"Can't help it, I constantly feel like I'm not doing things right or at least, not the way I would have." Oh, how wrong he was. He did everything right. His hands knew exactly how she liked to be touched. His lips knew the perfect pressure to apply to all of the…important places. He tended to hover around her stomach though, like he knew but wasn't going to be the one to bring it up. His hand came up and he leaned down letting his lips brush hers. It sent shivers down her spine. She wanted nothing more than to rip his damn sweat pants down and have her way with him against the bathroom door but, she didn't. She let the kiss happen, feeling her lips tingle from the heat of his.

Clary placed her hand flat on his chest and pushed away, side stepping through the small passage between Jace and the door. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back, pushing her up against the door as if he had read her mind. His hand grazed her lower abdomen and she sucked in a breath. She knew it wasn't anything to worry about since his fingers immediately started with the button on her jeans but it still screwed with her head.

"Stitches."

"Hmm," he hummed taking her bottom lip between his teeth. She felt her knees turn into Jell-O and it took all her conscious mind to keep her eyes from rolling into the back of her head. Her body zinged with electricity from his touch. _Damn these hormones_, she thought, _for making me so…weak! _

"Breakfast," Clary whispered.

"I'm working on it," he murmured back against her lips.

"Real breakfast," she smiled.

"It's as real as I need it to be."

"Jace," she giggled. "We just…"

"Shhh, not sure why you even showered. I planned on staying in bed all day."

Clary pulled back and eyed him curiously. Did he just say what she thought he said? "Any reason in particular?"

"Do I need to have a reason to want to spend the day in bed with you?"

"No," she shook her head. "I was just…never mind." Clary smiled weakly as disappointment filled her and a confused look washed over Jace's face. She could feel the stinging in her eyes so she quickly leaned forward and placed her forehead against his chest. _Damn hormones_. "I'll make breakfast," she whispered, planting a chaste kiss at his collar bone and turning away quickly.

She hurried down the hallway, pushing her hand through her hair and fisting it at the back of her head. The longer she waited, the harder it would be. She knew he had stared at her with wide eyes while she walked away. The same way all men did when they had NO idea what the hell just happened. They had their fun and Jace didn't seem to mind her insatiable need for him to be naked all the time, yes…all the time. It was like they had fallen back into their regular routine of at least twice a day but this was double, sometimes triple that. Now though, reality was crashing down on her and usually Jace helped her hold it up but this time…he couldn't.

"Red," he said in a low voice standing by the fridge with his arms crossed. It made her feel like she was being scolded a little bit. Even though he didn't remember everything, he still seemed to know when something bothered her. "What's wrong?"

She stood at the stove with a frying pan in hand trying to decide what breakfast meat to cook with the eggs, "nothing." Clary pulled her mind away for just a second so she could give him a quick reassuring smile and then turned back to the task at hand. "Bacon or sausage?" Jace was quiet and when she looked up to see why she was greeted by a devilish grin.

"For you…sausage, I'll have a burrito actually," His grin widened as he took slow steps toward her.

Clary shook her head but smiled as she threw an empty egg shell at him, "You're sick."

"You asked," he half shrugged and caught the shell low to the ground. He tossed the shell in the sink and walked back to Clary resting his hands on the edge of the stove with her in between his arms. "You know," he murmured in her hear. "You shouldn't lie. You're not very good at it. So tell me what's wrong."

His breath on her neck made her shiver and goose bumps shot up her arms. She sucked in a breath and cracked another egg. "Nothing's wrong." She pushed his casted hand down, knowing it would give easier and walked out of the circle of his arms. He of course followed; apparently her answer wasn't good enough. Clary stood in the crook of the counter plugging in the toaster when he pulled her arm back and slung her effortlessly onto it. His hands were firmly planted on the hard surface next to her hips and he stood in between her legs. Jace furrowed his eye brows while searching her face for his answers.

"Nothing's wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong!"

"Really?" he said incredulously

"Really, really."

"Then forget breakfast. I'm not hungry." He leaned in and she pulled back again.

"You're male and those on the male side of the human species are always hungry." She didn't know why she was resisting so much except for the fact that her 'bump' felt like it was protruding more this morning but two hours earlier they were in bed doing exactly what he wanted to do now and he didn't say anything. She was having one of those 'I'm fat', moments and they would only get worse.

"If nothing's wrong why do you keep pulling away from me?"

"I'm not. I'm trying to do something and you're kind of in my wa…" he kissed her, shutting her up immediately. He was making a point and if she pulled away now his point would be proven. So instead of giving him the satisfaction of being right she lifted her hands from where they sat on her thighs and wrapped them around his neck. His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her to the edge of the counter so her body was flush with his.

Being completely lost in the feeling of his warm, soft, wet tongue messaging hers, Clary didn't even hear the door open. "Jesus Christ! You're gonna burn the irises out of my eyes. STOP!" She knew that voice and had never been so happy to hear it as she was now. Jace pulled away and turned in the direction it came from, crossing his arms over his chest to pout. "You had best be fully clothed Clarissa Morgenstern or my eye balls will actually shrivel into dust."

~oOo~

Jace now knew why he hated this man so much. He had perfect timing. He had to come just as the shirt was gonna come off. Kitchen sex was awesome because the fridge is so close. The things he could have licked off of her…. "Hey Jon," Clary chimed, pulling Jace from his mental monologue. _DAMN_! He couldn't even get naked with his almost wife when he wanted to. If it wasn't Jonathan it was Magnus. If it wasn't Magnus it was Izzy. If it wasn't Izzy it was his mom. Granted they had probably had enough ALONE time to populate the planet but that was beside the point. A point by the way, he was trying to prove and now he would have to wait until the cock blocker left.

Clary hopped off the counter and went back to making breakfast, which now Jace would actually have to eat and pretend he wanted to. "Jonathan," Jace scowled.

"Jace," he nodded walking to the counter island and plopping himself in a stool.

"What's up?" Clary asked turning from the stove to look at Jon.

"Not much. I was bored at home and thought I'd stop by," he shrugged.

"You couldn't call first? You know those things that were invented long ago to talk to people with? There called phones! Now, they even have ones without cords. Great inventions really, you should get one," Jace pointed at him and gave a hard smirk.

"Clary," Jon's head snapped in her direction. Jace heard her sigh while shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "I'm really surprised he's stuck around as long as he has."

Clary's head jerked up and her eyes were wide with shock. Jace fisted his hands next to his chest and clenched his jaw. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I figured once you had your fill of her you'd move on to someone else. It does make me wonder though," he tapped his finger on his lips. "How many times have you cheated on her?"

Jace was in the process of lunging forward when Clary stepped in front of him, hands firm on his chest with a pleading look in her eyes. Jace's heart hammered in his rib cage and he could feel his blood boil. His mind went blank except for images of Jonathan's nose being flattened between his hand and the counter top. "Please don't," she whispered pulling him back to the current moment.

"You're lucky she's here," Jace growled and pointed at Jonathan whose smile said he had won round one.

"Hey," Clary's hand came up to cup his cheek, making Jace look at her. "Why don't you go take a shower?" Jace shook his head slowly. "Please," she batted her eyes and smiled. _Damn her_! Jace sighed and closed his eyes letting some of the tension in his shoulders release.

"Fine," Jace pushed through his teeth while glaring at the asshole that would be his brother-in-law. He kissed the top of Clary's head and stalked toward the bathroom.

~oOo~

"You're an asshole," Clary planted her hands on her hips sternly.

"I never said I wasn't," Jon shrugged.

"I'm gonna tell mom," she threatened. Jocelyn actually called a few times a week to check in on Jace and Clary and the baby if Jace wasn't around to hear the conversation.

"Tell her, what's she gonna do?" he waived a hand in the air dismissively.

"Move back home…"

"Shit! Don't tell her."

"That's what I thought," she smirked. Clary won round two.

"So…" Jon said fiddling with a napkin.

"So…" she repeated going back to her task of making breakfast.

"Have you told him yet?"

"Shhh," her hand flew up and she smashed a finger to her lips. "NO," she whisper-shouted.

"You should, you're starting to look fat." Clary instinctively stepped back from the stove and ran her hand down the front of her shirt. The tiny bulge was barely noticeable, even by her. Jonathan laughed and she shot him and evil glare, if looks could kill. "Sorry," he cleared his throat. "But, you should tell him, in case he runs in the other direction."

"Have I ever told you how much I hate you?"

"No, how much?"

"Enough to carve out all your major organs and feed them to the dogs at the humane society. They need a good meal."

"Whatever, you know I'm kidding. Except about the telling him part. That you need to do."

"I will. I just…need time,"

"You don't have time. Eventually…he will know."

"Thank you Captain Obvious!" Clary threw her hands in the air and let the slap her thighs on the way down.

"I'm just saying," he shrugged.

"Is that why you came here? To bug me about," she gestured to her stomach and dropped her voice to a whisper, "this?"

"No, I was just bored and hungry and didn't want to cook for myself," he shook his head.

"You," she pointed the spatula at him. "Need a girlfriend."

"Don't have time for a girlfriend," he sighed and leaned back with his hands behind his head.

"Make time."

"No, girls are too needy."

"OH What EVER! Men are TEN times worse!"

"No women are worse."

"I swear men live by F.F.S. and that," she pointed again, "is only the start."

"F.F.S?"

"Feed me, Fuck me, Suck me," she said matter of fact with a nod.

"Love the abbreviation, Clary. It's…charming, really. I don't wanna hear that shit come out of your mouth especially about him." He motioned toward the hall.

"Jace isn't like that," she shook her head.

"I'm pretty sure I saw the F and F in progress when I walked through the door. The S wouldn't be far off I'm sure. And seriously, have you not learned your lesson? That's how you got into your current situation."

"The good thing about this situation, Jon…is that I'm already in it so the F.F.S. thing is null and void at this point. And I don't need you to tell me that I need to tell him. I KNOW, O.K.?

"Fine," he held his hands up in surrender. Clary dropped a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him. After the sausage comment Jace made she decided against that for breakfast. Jace strolled into the kitchen then with a towel draped over his shoulders in just a pair of jeans. The deep V indentation at his hip bones where his jeans loosely hung standing out more as beads of water clung to his skin. Clary would have loved to be that bead right about then because it slid down, passed the waist of his jeans and disappeared. She had to hold back a whimper of disappointment at the fact that she was NOT that bead of water. _GOD he's gorgeous_!

"Miss me?" he smirked.

"Always," Clary smiled.

"No," Jon said at the same time Clary spoke.

Jace grabbed a plate from the cupboard and scooped up some eggs and a couple of slices of bacon. He stood with his back to Jon in front of the fridge and ate quietly but something hanging beneath a pink magnet that read: I LOVE MY MARINE, in pink letters caught his eye. "Who are they?" he asked pointing to the picture stuck behind it.

Clary jerked quickly and eyed the image he was questioning. It was a picture of Jace with his arm slung around the shoulders of a man matching his height but his hair was darker and his eyes green. Four other men surrounded them, laughing…being happy. It was Jace with his team and he didn't remember them. "That's J-Jordan. You're number two." Clary pointed to the sandy haired man next to Jace. "A-and that's Will, Eric, Landon, and Dylan. They were y-your team.

"Who…" Jace trailed off.

"I don't know," Clary murmured. "I don't know who we buried."

"Don't remember the people who saved your heroic ass, huh?" Jon spat pushing back from the counter. "Shouldn't be a surprise, I mean the little people always get stepped on."

"Shut up Jonathan!" Clary yelled

"Leaving."

"Thanks!" Jace spat.

Jon scowled and headed toward the door. Why was he being such an ass? Had he really hoped Jace would never come back? He knew very well Jace had never cheated on Clary and knew that he didn't remember anything that happened while he was held captive, to find out that he didn't remember his team though…that was something else entirely. These five men were like family to him and it was because of that fact that he volunteered in the first place.

"Stitches?" Clary was worried. Jace hadn't asked about anything concerning the military or his friends, with the exception of Alec.

"Did they…?"

"As far as I know, they're all gone," Clary whispered.

"So one of them is buried under my name?" Clary nodded, feeling the lump well in her throat. Worrying about when she should tell him about the baby seemed small compared to this. "I have to find out. I need to know who it was and how they mixed us up."

"I think I know who it was," she said slowly. His gaze was steady on her, urging her to speak. "It would have been the only one that flanked you, the person who always had your back. Your dog tags were found near the body and that's why they thought he was you. Jordan," she pointed at his face again, "Your second, h-he stood behind you. You were the team leader but if something happened to you…he would take over. He was always wherever you were. It only makes sense that your tags would be found near him because he was always the closest to you."

"Team leader," he repeated. Clary watched him as his head fell and his eyes closed. His breaths were staggered and strained.

"Jace," when she said it she wasn't sure if he even heard her but he looked up, his eyes rimmed red and stared.

"I can hear them, in my head, Red. I hear them telling me they need me out there and I'm the one who got them killed?"

"NO!" she shook her head as her eyes grew at his accusation. "There was an explosion. We thought at first you all," she swallowed hard, "died, and then you came home. The only person who really knows what happened, Jace, is you."

~oOo~

Jace's head spun, he was on that crack addicted merry-go-'round again, so much at one time, the voices, the images. He saw himself playing football on a dirt field surrounded by hot air with all of these men. Their voices swam in his head, laughter and playful banter accompanied the pictures that seemed to drown after a few seconds. He remembered them, his family away from home. These were the people who got him through his miserable days without Clary. These were the men who stuck their necks out for him, for his orders, and they trusted him with their lives. A memory came back. He wasn't sure when it happened but it was clear as day.

~oOo~

"Hey, we're saddling up. Let's go!" Jordan burst into his and Jace's quarters and slapped him on the back.

Jace rolled his eyes, "Shhh, I'm talking to Clary. Hold on." He went back to his conversation, telling her he missed her and couldn't wait to come home on leave to see her. He heard the sigh on the other end, not wanting to let go of his voice but they didn't have a choice. Duty called and when it did, it was like a fog horn held right up to your ear. "I love you, tell everyone I love and miss them. I'll see you soon and talk to you tomorrow." She reluctantly agreed and let him tend to his duties. Jace spun in his chair away from his desk to eye Jordan. He sat on Jace's single bed staring at a picture of him and Clary in Central Park. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Admiring your…" Jordan was cut off by Jace hastily snatching the picture from his hand and tucking it in his desk.

"Don't start your shit."

Jordan laughed, Jace knew he was about to say something completely raunchy about Clary and he didn't want to have to kick his ass, or break his fingers off. He needed Jordan on top of his game. "Dude, she's hot," Jordan shrugged. "And I just want you to know that she would be taken care of if your ass ever got blown to bits out here. Not saying I want that to happen, just rest easy. I got you man."

"You're an ass," Jace shook his head and crossed his arms. He knew exactly how Jordan would 'take care of Clary'. The rest of the team came barging in then, pushing each other and joking playfully.

"Guys," Jordan held out a hand. "Tell Jace that we would take care of Clary if anything happened to him."

"Fuckin' right we would," Will smirked.

"Absolutely," Eric licked his lips

"No comment, I want to survive this day," Jem added quickly.

"I hate you all and will come back from the dead and haunt all your asses if you so much as look in her direction," Jace flung his finger at them.

"Clary's fine and she's a red head. I bet she's a spitfire in bed," Eric chimed while Dylan and Jordan nodded at Jace. Of course, he knew they were looking for his agreement to make the statement true but he wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing it. Instead he stood from the chair and flung his arm around Eric, putting him in a choke hold while the others laughed and cheered. This was normal. They always gave one another shit about their better halves. It helped get them through the long hot days.

They retreated for target practice, every day, same time, and same place. It got old. Jace was a natural from the day he wrapped his hands around the barrel of a gun. Their superiors wanted them on high alert at all times though, ready for anyone or anything. They wagered on whom had the best accuracy compared to shots fired and who could disassemble and reassemble their guns the fastest. Jace always won so eventually they told him he had to stay out of the bets because he won all their money. After practice it was to the mess hall for dinner. It was definitely not pork chops with mushrooms and onions sautéed in garlic. God he missed that. When they were done eating, they could do whatever they wanted. By this time it was too late to call Clary because Afghanistan was eight and half hours ahead of New York time.

Jordan shared quarters with Jace. Many times they would sit up and play Spades with the others guys or read magazines. Jace lay awake that night looking at the picture of Clary with Jordan on the bunk above him reading. "You talk to Maia today?"

"Every day, bro. I miss they hell out of that girl."

"You gonna marry her?" There was no answer. Jace pulled himself up from his stretched out position and stood to look at Jordan with a sly smirk. He hadn't even put the magazine down. "Are you scared?"

"Of what," Jordan shrugged.

"Getting married?"

"Who isn't? I love the girl but not ready for that shit yet."

"Well figure your shit out, because when you proposed to me last week and I told your ass no, I meant no." Jordan shook his head and smiled. "And next time you wanna cuddle Ima beat your ass, 'cuz I know that's not a damn flashlight you're hiding under the blanket." Jace yanked the cheap paper from his hand and pulled him from the bunk to wrestle with him.

"Aw, come on lemme do it just once. I can make your feel better than Clary can, Baby" Jordan said reaching or for Jace's cheek smiling.

Jace slapped his hand and laughed, "You are one sick fucker you know that?" Jordan shrugged and ran his hand through his sweaty hair. They stood there, both out of breath still laughing. Jordan was Jace's Alec away from home. They helped keep each other's minds off the girls and everything back home and from being put in the loony bin. The situation they were in wasn't easy but it was necessary.

~oOo~

Jace spent the rest of his afternoon on the phone with Lt. Redfield, trying to figure out who was actually buried in his place. Clary sat on the couch watching 'Grey's Anatomy' on Netflix while he paced in the kitchen. She knew he wouldn't stop until he found out, nor would she try to tell him to stop. He needed this. He needed to know who it was and she knew he would ultimately take the blame for all of their deaths. That's who Jace was, and it's what he did. He always felt responsible for those five men, like brothers. He would bare the weight whether he was at fault or not.

Clary fell asleep on the couch after she had finished dipping her Oreo's in peanut butter and downed her glass of milk. She had never been a fan of Oreo's…or peanut butter but apparently, baby was. She felt like she was on the roller coaster from hell, emotionally unstable, raging hormones, and freaky cravings. What else could she add to that? OH yeah…memory retarded boyfriend, that tops the cake. Her body ached in places she never knew could hurt but the cause of that was unknown due to all of the, ah…extracurricular activities. Jace had let her sleep for about two hours before waking her and to Clary's relief, he had a smile on his face.

"Hey," she said hoarsely rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Jace ran his fingers through her snarled curls and along her cheek bone. "You O.K.?"

"Fine," he murmured. "You hate Oreo's…and peanut butter, why…" Clary shook her head. She didn't think it was the right time but she couldn't help herself, he had to know and she was going to tell him.

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><p><em><strong>Okie-Dokie Loves! You know what to do...<strong>_

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	18. I'm Pregnant

**Hey guys! Sorry it's taken so long for this...I had a best friend crisis...but on the plus side she insipred a NEW story which I refuse to write yet...sux so MANY voices in my HEAD...*tugs at hair* O.K. I'm good. Thank you all for the reviews I love you all SO much!This one is short I know and I'm sorry. I'll try to make up with the next one.**

******************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__******************

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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

Clary stared back at him with an intensity he had only seen in her eyes on very rare occasion. It kinda scared him a little. She sat up from the couch and he heard her sigh, like something was beating down her will. She had his Jets blanket wrapped tightly around her legs and she wore one of his old t-shirts. It was blue, silver, and green with a picture of a wolverine on it. He saw flashes from distant memories at the sight of it; one of them included Sebastian and Jace's fist meeting his face repeatedly.

"Stitches," she cleared her throat. "I need to tell you something but I…"

"You what?" She had pulled him from whatever memory he was trying to recall and now he was curious. He never got the feeling that she withheld anything from him and it irritated him now that she was. Should he be irritated? Did she hold anything back from him before?

"I don't want you to freak out," her hands were fidgeting in her lap and he could see a faint flush in her cheeks. Jace tried to give her a reassuring smile and brought his good hand up to cup her cheek while he peeled her hands apart with his injured one. "I need you to promise me…" her voice was shaky and her hand met his on her cheek shoving her fingers in between his. He wasn't getting a good feeling from this.

"I-I don't understand, Red. What's going on?" His eye brows furrowed and he positioned himself closer to her.

"Just…promise me," she whispered. "I need you not to freak out."

"I promise I'll try," he cocked his head and tried to widen his smile. Clary's eyes fell shut and she sucked in a deep breath. It was like she was trying to suck the strength she needed from him.

"You said earlier that you wanted to stay in bed all day…"

"Yeah, a little too late now but…"

"Shhh," she cut him off with a finger to his lips.

"I need you to try and remember something for me because this will be really hard to tell you if you don't remember."

"Red, just…tell me," he urged. He was getting frustrated with her now. What would make her act like this?

"The day before you left this last time…I need you to remember it, Jace," her voice cracked on 'remember' and she used his name instead of Stitches. Shit! She used his name! That meant it was important, that she needed his full attention.

He racked his brain trying to pick out something that would indicate spending a whole day in bed with her. What was it this morning that made him want to do it? Was his body telling him something his mind couldn't recall? That had been the case these past few weeks. When she was there in front of him and he didn't recognize her, his body did. His body had tingled and heated at her closeness and he felt like he needed her presence, needed her.

"We spent that whole day in bed. I don't even remember eating until late that night," she smiled. "I was going to get up and get ready for work…" she trailed off, getting lost in her own memories. He listened as she told him what she remembered and slowly…he could see it.

~oOo~

Clary's alarm went off at six-thirty A.M. it was probably the most annoying sound in the world ad he wanted to smash the alarm clock. He felt the bed move but only slightly. He opened one eye and saw a red haze in front of him as Clary sat up and finally put an end to the noise that threatened to burn his eardrums away. His last day home, his last day with her and she had to work. She sat at the edge of the bed in one of his old Marine t-shirts and stretched.

Jace yawned, rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. Clary scrubbed her hands over her face and ran her fingers through her hair. Jace leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her effortlessly closer to him. He ran his lips lightly along her neck and down to her shoulder while taking in the scent of her hair, his favorite smell, lavender, vanilla, and lilacs. This wasn't new; she had probably expected him to do it. They had a morning routine and Clary never got too far out of bed before being pulled back to it.

"You goin' somewhere?" He whispered, running his lips along the outer shell of her ear. He felt the shiver run through her body and it made him smile. He loved that he could make her body do things that were uncontrolled.

"Mmm, work," she smirked and rolled so he looked down at her. Jace moved himself on top of her and braced his weight with his elbows next to her head. His fingers played in the fiery licks of hair that splayed across the white pillow. Jace rubbed his nose against hers softly, like an Eskimo kiss and smiled.

"I think you should call in sick and we should stay in bed all day."

"Do you?" she asked, arching her back and wrapping her legs around his waist. Her hands went to the waist band of his boxers and fisted in the sides pulling him close against her. "I think that sounds great but I'll probably get in trouble."

"Well," he sighed, reaching to the night stand for her phone. He pressed a button on the side to wake it up and ran his finger down the screen until he found Jia Penhallow. "I'll call for you and tell her you're too sick to get out of bed."

"Being weighted down by my other half counts as being sick?" she raised an eye brow and smirked.

"Shhh, you're sick!" he put a finger to his own lips and placed the phone to his ear. "Hello…Jia? It's Jace…Yes, Clary's Jace. Uh huh…listen, Clary is sick. She won't even get out of bed. She feels warm too." There was silence and Jace nodded his head a few times while Clary giggled and he covered her mouth with his hand. "I'll tell her Jia, thank you. Yup…you too, buh bye." He pulled the phone back and squinted at the bright screen to find the END button. He tossed the phone on the floor and turned his attention back on Clary.

"You are good liar when it counts," Clary giggled. Jace pushed himself up so his arms were fully extended and backed away but only far enough to pull her shirt up to expose her stomach and run his tongue along the length of the waist band of her panties. He felt the goose bumps prickle on her skin and she wiggled beneath him. "We could go back to sleep, it still counts as in bed," she suggested.

He looked up quickly with a surprised expression. "I'm offended. You don't wanna get neked with me?"

"I was 'Neked' with you three hours ago. I'm tired," she whined.

"And next you're going to tell me you have a head ache…" he raised an eye brow diabolically.

"Would it help my 'I need sleep case'?"

"You can sleep when I'm gone. Nine months, Red. Nine whole months without me here to keep you awake moaning my name through wild pants of complete elation."

"There are other ways to keep myself satisfied," a wild smirk crossed her face.

"I'm appalled that you would even try to replace me with a piece of rubber," he gasped theatrically. "Where is my replacement anyway? Why haven't I been able to use it in our sexual endeavors?"

"It's not needed when you're home," she giggled.

"Preposterous!" He said seriously. "I think it could be Very useful," he whispered in her ear. Clary twitched at the tickle his breath caused on her neck and dug her nails into his lower back. It never failed. Her ears deceived her and he knew it too. Jace fisted his t-shirt and pulled Clary up to remove it from her small frame. The only things separating them now were her black lace thong and his thin boxers. He knew the exact places to make her heart race and her skin tingle. He knew precisely how to make her body beg for more and he did exactly that.

Jace always started at her neck and ears, just his breath alone sent her into hyper drive. He had to then add the tongue and the light nipping as he made his way down her body. If she ever had hickeys all a person had to do was pull her shirt up and check her stomach. Jace was never one to leave evidence in the open but it was there if anyone cared to find it. Her inner thighs and backs of her knees were another weak spot and he always used them to his advantage. He had obsession with the crook made by her hip and pelvic bones, his hands always finding that particular spot while running the length of her leg with his fingertips.

Jace placed his hand at Clary's cheek, guiding her back down to the bed and with the other hand grasped the side of her thong and twisted. They were pretty flimsy to begin with but he twisted so hard and fast that the lace tore. "These were my favorite, Stitches," she growled playfully.

"Mine too. I just prefer you naked and they were in the way," he grinned while sliding the un-torn side down her leg. Clary grinned back tugging his boxers down and taking his bottom lip between her teeth. She wrapped her hands around the back of his neck twining her fingers in his curls deepening the kiss. It was hard and fast and left them both gasping for air. Jace had let all his weight press on her and she could feel his ribs digging into hers as they stole each other's breath. Painfully delicious was the only way to describe it.

They had removed all of the barriers between them yet he seemed content just kissing her. Clary was not having that. "Quit teasing," she whined breathlessly. She could feel Jace's smirk against her lips and it just irritated her more because now she knew he was doing it on purpose.

"So impatient," he whispered running his lips along her jaw while positioning himself exactly where she wanted him to be. Clary wrapped her legs around him, urging his to move faster but he didn't, which only made her body crave him more. His pace was excruciatingly slow but he moved his arm to position it so her leg was draped over it. Clary had to try very hard to keep eyes from rolling into the back of her head. Clary opened her hips and tipped her pelvis forward, knowing it felt better for both of them and she heard Jace exhale feeling the heat from his breath on her shoulder while he shook his head at the same time. She smiled because he knew exactly why she had done it.

She felt the deep rumble in his chest and heard the low growl from throat. His arms shook but not from holding his own weight. She could tell his self-control was shattering. His pace quickened, but only slightly. Clary dug her nails into his shoulder blades running them down the length of his back earning her a quiet grunt but it was enough for her. Jace grabbed her hands and locked their fingers, pinning her arms to the mattress. With the increase in speed Clary could feel herself coming close. Her head fell back, a moan breaking its way passed her lips. She didn't want her hands pinned. She wanted to feel him beneath her finger tips and run them along his perfectly sculpted body. She tried to pull free them but he only tightened his grip.

Jace knew exactly what he was doing and he was good at it. His name rolled off her tongue between breaths and moans. Her entire body heated while his thrusts were shorter but deeper, only allowing what distance was necessary to achieve his goal. Every muscle in Clary's body tensed, waiting for it and then it happened, an explosion starting at her core and washing over her entire body in waves, again and again and again. This time it was her grip that tightened on his hands. She heard her name and felt his breath hot on her neck while he joined in her euphoric high.

He slowed as they both came crashing down together and finally released her hands. She instantly cupped his face and brought her lips down on his. His fingers twisted in her curls and pushed her sweat damped hair from her face. He propped his head on his hand and looked down on her smiling.

Clary's body shook and her thighs trembled, her muscles exhausted, "What?" she asked running her lips lightly against his.

"You're beautiful," he murmured tucking her hair behind her ear. Clary smiled from ear to ear and she felt the heat in her cheeks and chest. Jace smiled wider and kissed her temple letting his weight fall back on her. He nuzzled into her neck and sighed making her giggle, always sensitive after sex.

She turned her head to face him and rubbed her nose against his, "I love you," she whispered wrapping her arms around him.

"I love you too, until the day I die and beyond that if there is life after."

The entire day was spent like that. They slept completely entangle with one another and when they woke the process would start again. It wasn't about the sex or the euphoric high from it, it was about being close to each other and being locked in a place only they could reach. It was about him and her and just being together where no one could separate them. It was about showing how much they loved one another and proving that the sacrifices that they both had made meant something. It was their moment and nothing could take it away.

~oOo~

A smiled spread across Clary's face as she looked back on one of the best days of her life, the day that had led to another one on her 'Best Days' list. That day made it even harder to say good bye to him the next. She never wanted him to go but the last time was the worst experience of her life up until she was told that he died. He was here now, in the flesh, sitting right next to her. Clary ran the tips of her fingers along the veins that stood up on his hands waiting nervously for him to speak but he didn't.

"Do you remember it?" She asked, her eyes searching his face for any sign that he could see it just like she could. It was a memory that would forever be engraved in her mind. His head fell at first and her heart sank into her stomach. She could feel her heartbeat in her head and felt as if she was about to cry but Jace nodded and looked up at her with a smile.

"I remember…"

Relief instantly washed over her when he said it. She thanked God that he was sitting because she felt this would be a bit much. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair trying to decide which tone to use when she dropped the bomb. No sad tones, no wary looks, this had to come out as a good thing from her. If he got the impression that she wasn't pleased with it then he wouldn't be either, "Red…" His voice broke through her haze of worry and he ran the backs of his fingers against her cheek. "Whatever it is…just tell me. We'll get through it together."

Clary smiled, she needed to put on her happy face because she was actually happy about it, "I don't entirely think you're ready for this yet but I have been waiting to tell you for a while. I can't keep it in anymore and it's killing me that you don't know."

"O.K. you've kept me in suspense long enough. Just spit it out already," he chuckled.

"Jace…I…I'm…p-pregnant."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Jace: Pregnant? <strong>_

_**Me: You knew that...**_

_**Jace: I know...*sigh* it's just...it's permanent now**_

_**Me: Lmfao yup!**_

_**Clary: What? You don't wanna have a baby with me? *Evil Glare***_

_**Jace: I said nothing of the sort! **_

_**Clary: And you never will *Death stare***_

_**Me: *ducks and hides***_

_**Jace: O-of course not! *smexy smirk***_

_**OH the joys of being a writer HA HA! I know...I KNOW you wanna kill me bc you didn't get Jace's reaction...You will in the next chpt I PROMISE! but you also said you wanted more sex scenes and you didn't want the story to end...I'm trying to oblige here! **_

_**REMEMBER: VOTE VOTE VOTE...only 11 of you have and I KNOW more than eleven of your are reading this! SO VOTE!**_

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_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Lets set next update at 250 reviews! I may be pushin it here but *shrugs* we shall see!**_


	19. Is this a good thing?

**O.K. Saweet! Over 250 reviews you are awesome! I love you all and thank you for the feedback. and i have to laugh bc i got one anon review that stated 'Reviewing for update' although i love the gesture...It's not exactly what i was asking for. Feed back and opinions and ideas are what i have in mind with reviews. Anyway...here it is... DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR THE GENDER OF THE BABY ON MY PROFILE. 15 VOTES AND A FEW HUNDRED VISITORS IS JUST NOT DOING IT FOR ME!**

********************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__********************

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

Jace's heart hammered in his chest. His mind raced with all sorts of things he dare not say out loud, some good and some bad. Clary just said she was pregnant. Was this something to be pleased with? Did he even want kids, did she want kids? He panicked inside because he didn't know the answers to these things and he felt that if he did then he would know whether to be happy or disappointed. His first instinct was to pull her into him and smile uncontrollably because Clary was carrying HIS baby, HIS…and the idea of that was something he was rather pleased about.

Since he didn't know how he would have reacted if this were a normal situation and he wasn't memory retarded he just decided to ask. He cocked his head at Clary and squinted his eyes a little. He could see the worry in her eyes while she continued to fidget in her lap. "Is this…a good thing? Are we happy about it?"

Clary's mouth curled into a smirk, "I'm happy about it. I can't tell you how you feel but…I think you would have been happy too."

Jace smiled, how could this not be a good thing? He felt like he genuinely had an absolutely beautiful reason to be happy. It kind of made everything feel like it was coming together. The only thing missing was a dog and he really wanted a dog now that he thought about it. "As long as we get a dog…I'm good," he shrugged.

Clary chuckled, finally letting the tension in her body go. She leaned forward and wrapped her hands around Jace's neck, pulling him down to the couch with her. "I didn't think you'd be so easy to convince. You'll have to share you know."

Jace pulled back and widened his eyes, "SHARE? Who said anything about sharing?"

"Babies are a lot of work, Stitches. You will have to share."

"Nope," he shook his head frantically. "No deal, I don't share."

"A little too late."

"Well, you had me in the dark. You're not showing so you can't be that far along which sucks because, if I have to share then I need to lay down some ground rules or create some type of schedule and I can't do that if minime doesn't have ears."

"Mini-me?" Clary's eyebrows shot up.

"No," he shook his finger, "Mini-ME," he pointed to himself. Clary laughed and shook her head.

"I'm fourteen weeks. Baby does have ears and can hear you just fine," she giggled.

Jace's face turned serious and his eyes trailed to her barely there baby bump then back up to Clary. He cocked his head and his lips turned up to the side in a grin. He pulled away from her grasp sitting straight up and slid the t-shirt away to reveal her bare freckled stomach. He placed his hand flat on her tummy, the sheer size of it almost completely covering the expanse of her torso. Jace sighed and saw briefly a serene smile cross her face. He moved his hand aside and leaned forward placing a light kiss just below her belly button.

Jace pulled back quickly, pushing all of those happy feelings aside as he felt a sarcastic comment was needed, "You're gonna get fat!" He blurted with all seriousness. Clary's mouth fell open and she closed her eyes, her head moving slowly from side to side. She shot up and attempted to slap his arm but her caught her wrist and pulled her in. With a smirk he said, "And I'll love every minute of it. It's been a while since I've played on a teeter-totter…I think," her furrowed his brows.

Clary scoffed a laugh, "You're a sick, sick man!"

"Come on…It's been a while right?"

~XXX~

Jace and Clary retreated to bed. She fell asleep with Jace's arms wrapped protectively around her, his hand flat against her tummy. His breath tickled the back of her neck and it made her shiver but she was happy. For the first time in months…she was happy! She felt like she had the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders and all the worrying she had done was useless because Jace was happy too.

All that happiness faded quickly when Clary woke to Jace sitting on top of her bracing her arms above her head in a vice grip while he stared down at her with a look of complete disgust. With his free hand he gripped her chin so hard she felt the bruises form underneath his finger-tips. Her heart sped and her breath quickened. She had never been _afraid_ of Jace before but this…this scared her.

"St-Stiches…" her voice quivered as she tried to hide the panic.

"Tell me what you know," he hissed darkly. His eyes narrowed on her as he leaned in.

"About what, Stitches?" Clary whispered.

"Don't play games with me," he shouted between his teeth.

Clary recoiled and shuttered at Jace's outburst. She couldn't hold it in, tears trailed down her cheeks as she tried to plead with him, tried to understand what was going on. It didn't take long for her to understand that Jace was…asleep! He was dreaming of something that happened while he was gone and if he didn't wake up soon…he would hurt her.

Clary tried to shift herself underneath him, maybe she could wiggle her way free but he had a hundred pounds or better on her. She begged him and the tears came harder, only making him angrier. Her whole body tensed and her muscles twitched from the tightness. How would she get out of this? He would kill her if she didn't. Clary tried everything her mind could come up with. She brought up the baby; she brought up his parents and the wedding. None of it seemed to make him budge.

At random, he blinked and sigh came passed his lips. His eyes fluttered sleepily and he moved off of her, going back to his original sleeping position with his arms wrapped tightly around her. Clary shook the entire night as silent tears fell down her cheeks in hot streams. What had just happened? He had been home two weeks now and this was the first time Jace acted like this.

XXX

Jace woke the next morning to a cold barren space next to him, telling him Clary hadn't been there for a while. It was odd to him. She was always there when he woke up. He sat up at the edge of the bed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with the heels of his hands. He looked over at the bed side clock, nine o'clock in the morning. He knew Clary didn't work. She had taken all of her vacation time to spend it with him. She didn't have to go back for another week.

Jace stood and stretched while making his way to the kitchen. He stopped to check the bathroom and Clary's studio quickly before reaching it but she wasn't in either room. He grabbed a box of dry cereal and headed for the living room to find Clary curled up in a ball in his Jet's blanket. He smiled to himself at first and then the question popped into his head. _Why the hell is she sleeping out here_?

He sat down beside her, just like he had the night before and pulled the blanket away from her face. She slept peacefully with her hands tucked under her cheek and her hair strewn across her face. Jace smirked and let out a low chuckle while sweeping her soft curls from her face and then he saw them…bruises on her jaw, in the shape of…finger-tips! Jace ran his thumb along her jaw and found to his horror that the print shape matched his thumb perfectly.

His heart sped in his chest and rammed against his ribs with such force he thought the whole center of his body would explode. He ran his hand down her arm finding nothing to his relief and then met her wrist, which was also covered in bruises. He rubbed against them lightly and felt Clary jerk away and suck in a breath. Jace's eyes met hers and for the first time he saw…hurt, distrust and…_fear_ in them. "Red," he whispered leaning in, causing her to jerk away from him again. "I…what happened to you?" He asked as the confusion raced through him sending bouts of adrenaline into his veins. He felt as if an icy liquid was being shot into him.

Clary sat up rapidly, pulling her legs into her chest and situating herself as tightly into the corner of the couch as possible, "You did," she whispered. "I've never once been afraid of you, Stitches but last night…" she sniffed, "last night…you scared the hell out of me." Tears fell down her cheeks as she sucked in a deep breath of air. Jace reached a hand out to her and she watched him closely as he moved to wipe the tears away. "You pinned me to the bed and you wouldn't let me up," she cried, her voice hoarse and pitchy.

Jace scooted closer, ignoring the skepticism he knew she was feeling and pulled her into him, "Red," he sighed. "I'm So So SO sorry. I-I don't remem…"

"You were asleep," Clary cut him off flatly.

"I'm sorry," he held her face between his palms and looked her square in the eye. "You know I would never hurt you. You know that, right?" He let his eyes burn into her fiercely trying to prove to her his words are true. He never would hurt her…consciously or of his own free will. If he was asleep then neither of those things were the case.

"Jace," she sighed. "I don't know what is going on but…" she shook her head and he could see tears form in her eyes again. It killed him inside to see her like this, to know that he had hurt her and there wasn't anything he could have done to control it. "You need help. This PTSD is causing things to happen that shouldn't. I know you didn't do it before but all I can think is that seeing the picture with your team caused this. Somehow it opened some door to what happened over there and…I…" she stopped trying to hold back a sob while wiping the water out of her eyes. "I can't be here with you like this."

Jace sat erect on the couch, putting space between them as he strew his eye brows together and stared at her in disbelief. She was leaving him? Clary was going to give up on their future so easily? What happened to the forever and ever and ever she told him she promised when he proposed? Fury raced through him. She couldn't leave him, he wouldn't let her. "What are you talking about here, Red?"

"I'm saying you need to see a doctor. I was AFRAID of you, Jace!" Her eyes grew wide and her hands shook as she leaned her face closer to his. "I can't try to sleep with the fear that you might hurt me or…"

"The baby," Jace finished lowering his head. He understood, this wasn't about her, she would stay hell or high water if it were just her but with the baby it was just too great a risk. Clary nodded sadly and turned her fists over each other in her lap.

"Stitches," she smiled weakly, "We'll get through it together. I'll be here every step of the way. I'm not leaving you or giving up on us. We're too strong for that and you never gave up on me. When my dad died, I turned into the walking dead and you…you brought me back to life."

~oOo~

It was cold. Clary basically slept through every class that she could get away with. By day she was a very tired student, by night she was a caring daughter. Her father refused to have any treatment for his cancer, against all medical and family advice, and since Jonathan worked nights it was up to Clary to take care of their father. She was exhausted and what was worse is that she knew after all of her efforts, her father would still be lost to her in the end.

There were only two people she would let in the house and only one she would actually let get close to her father and that was Jace. He was the one she opened her world up to and knew that no matter how bad it looked he still wouldn't judge and do everything he could to help even when she tried her damndest to push him away. Jace put aside all girl chasing endeavors and stayed with Clary as much as she would allow him to, which only seemed to grow less and less with time as Valentine grew worse.

_**Do u want me to cum? *J***_

_**EW! No! ~C~**_

_**Red… *J***_

_**Well, I answered honestly… ~C~**_

_**:I *J***_

_**I did! ~C~**_

_**Do u want me to come over? *J***_

_**Im fine ~C~**_

_**RED! *J***_

_**STITCHES ~C~**_

_**Im cumming…HAHA! *J***_

_**:z I just puked in my mouth ~C~**_

_**:D *J***_

_**Ur sick! ~C~**_

_**Ill b there in 5 *J***_

_***sigh… ~C~**_

_**Did u just *sigh… at me in a txt? *J***_

_**Yup! ~C~**_

_**SMH… *J***_

She didn't want Jace to come over, which was rare. Since when didn't she want Jace around? Oh, Yeah…since she had fallen into the bottomless pit of despair that had become her life. Even he could barely make her laugh anymore and he of all people could make her laugh until she felt like her stomach would shrivel into itself and her chest ached so much it hurt to breath and tears spilled down her cheeks faster than the water through the Hoover dam…without the dam.

Her dad was deathly sick and there was no way to stop it or help his pain or make him better. He put on a happy face, or at least one that he thought was happy, but Clary could see his hurt through it. Nurses would come to check on him a couple times a week. He was in a hospice program. Yeah, a program to help people die. The thought of it made Clary sick. She knew it was good for some people but this was her dad…HER DAD! He was supposed to live forever! She shouldn't have to lose her dad, it wasn't fair! Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach every time she thought of all the things he would miss. He wouldn't be there to walk her down the aisle when she got married. He wouldn't be there when she had babies…if she had babies. He wouldn't even see her graduate high school, or college!

Clary sat at the table in the dining room, the fan above the table making her hair dance on her shoulders and lightly against her cheeks. She fiddled with her phone in one hand and tapped her pencil against her History book with the other. All of her teachers had been lenient on her because of her father's situation except, Mr. Lindall. For some reason he seemed to hate Clary and she had half a mind to think it was because of Jonathan. Damn him for making her life harder than it had to be.

"Hey, short stuff," Jace ruffled her hair and walked by her. She didn't even hear him come inside the house. He plopped himself in the chair across the table from her and smiled.

Clary blinked, "Short stuff?"

He shrugged, "I thought I'd try it out." Clary snorted and shook her head, no, No! He was NOT calling her short stuff. "Did you just…snort, at me?" He leaned in closer to her, resting his hands flat on the dark wood surface. He cocked his head while Clary tried to look like she was reading her history assignment. She obviously wasn't trying hard enough. Jace yanked the book out from under her nose and sat back in his chair reading it himself. He already took this class and knew all the stuff she was learning and now he was just going to be an ass. "Ah, yes, World War Two…" he sighed flipping through the pages.

"Give it back, Stitches," she wiggled her finger at him, motioning for him to hand the book over.

"Can you name all major parties involved in the war? Hmm," he glanced up and raised an eye brow at her. Clary sighed loudly and blew her hair away from her face while slamming her back into the chair and crossing her arms over her chest. "No? Alright," he sucked his teeth. "Do you at least know who won?"

"I've seen Pearl Harbor, Jace. I know who won," she gave him a snide smile.

"Yup, you watched a movie that was more of a love story than a war story and you know all the details…Doncha?"

"I know that Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett are both jaw droppingly gorgeous and drool worthy. I could give you all the details about them. How their asses looked in their pants, each different kind of pants by the way. Their asses look much better when they aren't wearing their suits. There just isn't enough definition in those Military clothes."

"I'm glad you can sum up World War two using the definition and details of actor's asses. Mr. Lindall will be so pleased and seeing as he has such a high opinion of you, I'm sure you'll ace the test."

Clary rolled her eyes. She didn't care about some stupid test about World War two. So it was an important mile stone in American History. Her father dying was an important mile stone in her life and she would spend as much of her time with him before he was gone as she could or he would allow. He had been pushing her away quite a bit lately and Jonathan picked up doing some more of the work because their father refused to let Clary see him some days. The more her father shut her out, the more she shut everyone else out and Jace is the only one who wouldn't back down to her.

"I'm not worried about some stupid test, Jace," she mumbled more to herself than to him.

"You should be. Lindall is a dick, Clary. He won't hesitate to fail you."

"Lindall can kiss my ass."

Jace stood from the chair and yanked Clary from her seat. He pulled her down the hall and trudged up the stairs, only slowing his pace when he came to her father's bedroom door. It was open slightly, just enough to see him sleeping inside. Clary's heart broke every time she saw him. He looked so small in that bed. Over the past month he had widdled away into an old man who was barely recognizable to her now.

"You need to care for him, Red. He wants you to pass your classes," Jace whisper-shouted.

Clary rolled her eyes and sighed. She knew Jace was right, though she would never admit it to him. He was too much of an ass if he was told he was right. She leaned up against the wall and twisted her fingers in her hair. Jace stood in front of her with his hands firmly planted on his hips. There was nothing but silence and the sound of her father's heart monitor in the other room. She hated that sound. It was the sound of the impending doom that had taken over her life.

"Do you think he wants to be lying in that bed helpless, Jace? Do you think he wanted to get cancer and die? Do you think he wants to leave me and Jon to fend for ourselves?" Clary spat as quietly as she could trying to hold back the tears while her palms shook at her sides. "NO! He doesn't want any of those things, but does that matter? He is still going to die and there is nothing anyone can do about it. So why should a stupid class matter to him amidst all of this? It won't matter to him when he is gone."

"It will still matter when he is gone because you know that he wants you to pass your classes and graduate with honors. You're smart, Red, and he knows it. He wants what's best for you. And he'll want that in death just as much as he wanted it in life, if not more," Jace murmured, giving Clary his puppy dog eyes.

DAMNIT! He was right. WHY was he always right? She wanted to smack him for being right. Clary sighed deeply and let her head fall back against the wall. The tears that had burned the rims of her eyes now snuck down her cheeks and she could taste her own tears on her tongue. Jace would never let her live it down if she didn't pass that damn class.

~oOo~

"You always made sure my head was in the right place and never failed to annoy the hell out of me when I was being stubborn about it. Now, I'm going to do the same for you," Clary gave a closed mouth smile and cocked her head.

"Alright," Jace nodded slowly, "Call the head doctor so they can fix my brain."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Jace: GREAT! first I'm dead, then i can't remeber shit...now i hurt people in my sleep. Can't we just have a happily ever after already?<strong>_

_**Me: I'm getting there.**_

_**Jace: Well, get there faster DAMNIT!**_

_**Me: patience is a virtue**_

_**Jace: not for me**_

_**O.k. Jace aside...You know the drill. I'm not going to put a review quota up anymore. I'm just hoping to have over 300 when the story is over. I still want to know what you all think so let me know!**_

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_**and VOTE VOTE VOTE! Thank you to my WONDERFULL Beta, In The Fray, for getting the corrections back while she has been so busy...wish her LUCK as she will be filming a commercial and I'm SO EXCITED for her. **_


	20. Baby, Baby, Baby

**Here you are guys! I like this chapter...FAIR WARNING...IT'S FLUFFY! Thank you for all of your reviews. I love you all for it and enjoy your comments immensly. This is Un-Beta'd so plz forgive any mistakes. In The Fray is shooting a commercial right now so wish her luck!**

**********************__**I do NOT own any of these characters, any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__**********************

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 18<strong>

Jace sat in a dimly lit room. All the furniture was redish brown and leather. There was a large mahogany desk situated in front of a large fire place and it smelled like bonfire. It reminded him of the gentlemen's smoking rooms portrayed in movies. On the desk sat a pyramid shaped object with a pendulum that swung from side to side, the ones used to keep time when someone is learning piano. He knew this because he remembered taking piano lessons as a child.

The incessant ticking of the pendulum was giving him a headache but he couldn't keep from tapping his finger on the end of the chairs arm along with its beat. Jace huffed in irritation. He had been waiting in this office for almost twenty minutes now. He looked to his wrist, which didn't have a watch attached to it, and tapped harder on the leather arm. He knew he promised Clary he would get help and boy did he need it. Since she hadn't been sleeping at home he found it harder to find peace of mind. He would wake up screaming and drenched in sweat but not able to remember what it was that made him that way. He would catch glimpses of his nightmares but he could never recall the whole thing.

He had never had the nightmares before and his only conclusion was that, Clary being there with him kept them away somehow. He missed her little body next to his. He missed the slow, steady sound of her breath against his chest and the way the moon danced on her pale white skin. He didn't want to hurt her though, and that's why he was here. It had taken two weeks to get in with this damn quack and the only word he could think of to describe that two weeks was…excruciating. Clary still came home after work. She had gone back a week ago. She stayed as long as her body would allow her too and sometimes pushed more that she should. Jace knew she wasn't enjoying the time apart any more than he was.

Finally there was a knock at the door. A man about Jace's height with red hair shuffled through the door then, "Hello," he announced. He seemed flustered and a bit distracted. "My name in Henry, Henry Branwell," he introduced, walking up to Jace and holding his hand out. Jace took it and gave a half closed mouthed smiled. "You must be Jace," Jace nodded and sat forward in his chair. "I apologize for being late. My wife had a crisis at the clinic with a schizophrenic and asked for my assistance." He stood behind his large desk and flipped through the papers that sat atop of it. Jace waved a hand to dismiss his tardiness and watched the man rifle through his things until a smiled drew across Henry's face, "Aha!" he rejoiced, "I have found your file."

_ Had it run away_? Jace thought. He chuckled to himself and shook his head. He hoped this would be quick, he needed to meet Clary in an hour. "How long will this take, I have another appointment I have to get to?"

"It will take as long as you need it to, Jace. I see you're having nightmares and you've physically harmed your girlfriend in your sleep. It seems to me that you are dreaming of the things that happened in Afghanistan but are unable to recall them while you're conscious. I want to set up a treatment plan for you and hopefully we can have you in working order in a couple of months," Henry chimed happily crossing his arms on his desk.

Jace's heart sped, "A couple of months?" his voice went an octave higher on 'months'.

"Yes," Henry nodded. "I don't have an overnight cure, Jace. The mind takes a lot longer to heal than the rest of the body. Your hand for instance, when can your cast be removed?"

"Two more weeks," Jace said lifting his arm and eyeing the white fabric that obscured it.

"Yes, six weeks to heal a bone, months or even as long as years to heal the mind, if ever at all. You went through a traumatic experience and your mind has shoved it to the back, hiding what really happened to you. We need to pull it forward so you can then emotionally process what happened."

"Emotionally…" Jace drug out the word and nodded his head once slowly. "I'm a man, men don't do, emotional," he waved his hand and slowly nodded again as he said it.

"If you want a normal life with your girlfriend…"

"Fiancé," Jace interrupted.

"Fiancé…" Henry corrected with a smile, "then you have to deal with whatever it is you're hiding, or," he paused, "you will continue to hurt her."

Jace's jaw fell and he gaped at Henry. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Men don't do emotional shit and he especially didn't. The only person who ever remotely saw his emotional side was Clary and he didn't even think she had ever seen him cry! He slammed his back into the chair and cradled his chin in his uninjured palm, contemplating his next words. Henry stared back at him with an amused look, just waiting for him to speak. Was this some type of reverse psychology because if it was, Henry sucked at it.

Jace could contemplate all he wanted but he didn't have a choice, not really. If he wanted Clary to start sleeping in the same bed with him again he had to do whatever it was this whack job told him to. He stared back at Henry and racked his brain for anything he could use but came up empty. He finally heard the ticking of the pendulum on the desk again, had it stopped and just picked up again or had he drown it out? Jace sighed and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He tapped his foot and cracked his knuckles before looking up, "tell me your action plan then."

"I think you could benefit from Hypnotherapy. I put you to sleep and you wake up remembering everything you saw while you were out, theoretically anyway," he nodded and sat back in his chair with his hands in front of his face, fingertips of each finger pressed together in evil genius fashion.

"Theoretically?" Jace shot up wide eyed.

"Yes, theoretically, I can't guarantee it will work. Each person responds differently to alternate treatments. We have to find out what you respond to. We will start next week, how's…" he flipped the mess of paper on his desk up to look at his calendar, "Monday at one sound?" He looked up and beamed happily at Jace.

How could this man be so…HAPPY? He worked with people who were fucked in the head! It made Jace sick but he nodded, "Fine," he said and pushed off the chair to stand. Henry stood up with Jace and held his hand out to him.

"I'll see you Monday," Jace took his hand and gave it one good shake before he turned to leave.

Finally he could go see Clary. For once he was glad she worked in the city, he wouldn't have to go too far to get to her. He flagged a taxi and hopped in, then directed the driver where to go. It only took about twenty minutes before he made it to his destination. He handed the driver a wad of cash and pushed onto the sidewalk. Jace shoved his hands deep into his pockets and sighed while looking up at the building that Clary spent the majority of her time in. He didn't know whether he should attempt burning it down or not. He knew how to make a homemade bomb; no one would ever have to know he did it.

Jace shook the thought from his mind and trudged inside. The moment he entered all eyes were on him. This wasn't out of the ordinary, it happened pretty often actually but it didn't make him feel like it was a good thing. When he was younger he reveled in the thought of people staring and watching his every move, now it just make him feel like he was some freak from the circus. He quickly made his way to the front desk and asked the brunette there where Clary was. She smiled seductively and sucked on her bottom lip, pushing her chest out further in his direction. She knew damn well who he was and why he was there but she didn't care. On any other day he probably wouldn't have either, he more than likely would have leaned against the counter and wiggled his eye brows at her and flirted back because, well, that's just what he did. Not now though, he wanted his Red and didn't want to wait to see her or hear her voice or feel her next to him.

It was one of those days where he had a lot of shit goin on in his head and he just wanted to see her face and forget all of it. He wanted to surround himself in everything that was Red as the rest of the world faded away. The brunette, whom he didn't bother to catch the name of, pointed him down the left hallway and told him he would find Clary working on the newest exhibit, the one that wasn't fully finished. That helped a shit ton, most of them looked unfinished to him but he gave her a nod and thanked her for her help then took off on his mission to get to Clary as fast as he could.

Jace had walked for about five minutes when he heard a familiar laugh. His heart leapt and feet moved faster until he saw her. Clary stood with her hands on her tiny waist, her belly stuck out further now, one could definitely tell she was pregnant even if it was in the smallest measure. She wore a purple sweater dress with brown leggings and brown knee high boots. Her hair was pulled back in a clip but still hung past her shoulders. He loved her curls, always so soft. He just wanted to wrap his fingers around them. Jace couldn't tell if it was the lights from the unfinished exhibit or if it was her but she seemed to emit a glow that made it hard for him to take his eyes off of her.

As he closed in, he recognized one of the people she was talking to as her boss, Jia Penhallow and there was another person there that he was sure he had never met before. It was a man, he was short and balding. The light from the exhibit shined off his head. Clary must have caught sight of him because she turned and her whole face lit up. She smiled happily making his heart squeeze in delight at her reaction to seeing him. When he reached her, he scooped her up in his arms and held her tightly against him hearing her exhale as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He pecked her lightly on the cheek and released her. His eyes met her bright green orbs and he smiled. "Jace," she gestured to the man in front of her, "this is Mr. Aldertree. He is the curator here and Jia was kind enough to show him some of my work. Mr. Aldertree, this is my Fiancé, Jace."

Jace held his hand out to the man and he took it in his, "Pleased to meet you," Jace said politely with a smile.

"And you," Aldertree nodded. "Our Clarissa here is very talented," he gestured to Clary, who beamed happily.

"Yes, yes she is," Jace looked down at her and saw the smiled broaden.

"That is why the new exhibit here will be dedicated to her artwork," Aldertree said placing his hands behind his back and rocking on his heels.

Jace's jaw fell and he looked to Clary then to Jia and back to Clary who bit her lip trying to hold back her excitement. Jace threw his arms around her waist and twirled her, "this is incredible!"

"I know," Clary giggled.

"Well, let's leave them alone, shall we Jia?" he asked and turned to her. Jia nodded and the two of them said their goodbye's then left.

"I…this…Red, this is amazing!" He cupped her cheeks and kissed her lightly before twirling her again. Clary laughed giddily but somehow Jace knew it wouldn't last long.

"How was your appointment?" she asked after he set her down.

"I don't wanna talk about that now. I don't want to ruin this for you," he shook his head and pushed his hands back in his pockets.

"Well, was it bad?" Clary cocked her head curiously.

"Not bad, per say, just," he sighed. "Not what I wanted to hear."

"Well what is it? Tell me, Stitches."

"He said it could take months, Red, months. And I-I can't handle you not being home for…MONTHS!" His hands flew up and his voice rose slightly. He saw the happiness that painted her face wash away quickly into something dark and fearful. She didn't like hearing it any more than he did. If they weren't together as much as work would allow then there were things he would miss with the baby and he didn't want to miss more than he already had. He wanted to be there for everything. He hadn't even felt the little sea monkey move yet, didn't even know if she even had. The look in her eyes said everything he didn't need her to speak.

"We'll get through it, Stitches. We've been through worse," she said sadly and dropped her gaze to her feet. She always did that when she was disappointed. He knew that what she said wasn't actually what she was thinking.

"Red," he lifted her chin with his finger, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to ruin this for you," he gestured behind her to the empty space that would soon be filled with all of her paintings and drawings. "I'm broken, and…"

"AND," she cut in, "I told you I would fix you. I may not be doing the work but I will be here every step of the way."

"Not everything that's broken can be fixed and you deserve better than that," he sighed.

"Don't tell me what I deserve, Stitches. I know what I want and I want you. We'll get through it," she smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Come on, let's go or we'll be late."

Jace and Clary hopped onto the subway to make their way to Brooklyn. He found that he had lost the sad, guilty feeling he had earlier. He was getting excited. What they were going to do would be something completely new for him and he felt like a kid waiting for the bell to ring on the last day of school. They walked into the six story building hand in hand; Clary checked in at the front desk and was directed to the third floor. Jace sat anxiously waiting; his leg shook nervously while Clary sat with a small smirk on her face reading an old Parenthood magazine.

"Clarissa Morgenstern," a nurse chimed.

Clary stood and Jace looked up at her from his seat. She smiled and nodded in the direction of the nurse. When he didn't get up she held her hand out and he took it, letting her lead him through the maze of chairs and down the hall after the nurse. She took Clary's height and weight then had them follow her into a small exam room. She asked Clary some questions that Jace didn't bother to listen to because he was too enthralled in the statue of a uterus that sat above their heads on the desk.

"Is that really what it looks like on the inside?" he whispered to her.

Clary giggled, "Yes, it really is."

"How the hell does a baby fit in that?"

Clary rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Men."

After the nurse left, Jace continued with the leg shaking while he eyed the uterus like it might attack him if he made any sudden movements. Clary laced her fingers in between his, which calmed him slightly but not enough for him to stop shaking his leg. She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed quietly. These were the moments he didn't want to miss, the moments where it was just them in the world and no one else. Just as that thought crossed his mind, their world was invaded by a short brown haired woman in a long white lab coat.

"Clary!" she beamed happily. "How are we doing today?"

"Very well, thank you Dr. Branwell, and you?"

WAIT A MINUTE! DR. BRANWELL?

"I'm great, who is it you have brought this time?"

"This is Jace, my fiancé. Jace this is Dr. Char Branwell," Clary gestured between him and the stout woman who closed the distance and held out her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Jace," she said taking his hand as he held it out to her skeptically. "Fiancé?" she questioned with a raised brow, "that was fast."

"Nice to meet you too," Jace said furrowing his eyebrows. Clary giggled quietly next to him.

"He is the baby's father," Clary chimed.

"OH! Risen from the dead have we?"

"Something like that," Jace said. "Are you by chance married to…Henry Branwell?"

"Yes, I am. Brilliant man, my husband." When she said that, Jace couldn't help but think she actually meant it with absolute sincerity. _Poor woman has been mind fucked by her husband_, he thought. "How do you know him?"

"I've only heard of him," Jace waved it off. Clary gave him a quizzical look and he just shook his head.

"O.K. Clary, looks like you've gained some weight, very good. Hop up on the table, let's have a listen to the little crumb catcher's heartbeat."

Clary smiled happily at Jace and stood, taking him with her. He helped her up on the table only hearing the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears. His blood was pumping so fast his veins sang with anticipation. He had never heard a baby's heartbeat before and this was HIS baby. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this excited yet, scared. Clary hiked up her dress and pulled the leggings down to show her barely visible bump which made Jace smile, it was cute on her.

Jace stood on one side of the table and Dr. Branwell stood opposite him holding some funny looking device in her hand. "This will be cold, Clary," she said and squirted some nasty blue liquid on her tummy. The doctor used the odd contraption to patrol around Clary's stomach until she seemed to find what she was looking for. It was faint at first then it came louder. Jace couldn't describe in his mind what it sounded like but it was strong and thunderous. He looked at Clary who was smiling at him with her arms propping her head up.

"That's," he pointed at her stomach. Clary nodded and he could feel the smile stretch across his face. He listened harder, taking in the full sound, committed it to memory. This was something he never wanted to forget.

"That's our baby," Clary whispered.

"Your very strong baby," Dr. Branwell said. "One hundred sixty beats per minute."

The doctor said, 'very strong baby,' that was a good thing. Jace wanted to run outside and yell it to the world but he kept his feet firmly planted and his eyes locked with Clary's until the sound was gone. He had to admit he didn't want it to end. It was the most perfect sound in his world just then. There was definitely something in there even if he couldn't see it yet.

"So," Dr. Branwell chimed. "Clary you're twenty weeks now, that's half way. How about an ultrasound so you can see the baby, maybe even find out the sex."

Wh- the fuck was the doctor going on about? This was an unborn child and she was talking about sex, his baby have sex? Absolutely not! Was she a mind reader too? Had he just not thought about not being able to see it? Maybe her husband was a genius after all if he taught her how to mind read. "Jace…JACE!" he heard his name being called rather loudly and it pulled him away from his thoughts.

"Huh?" he cleared his throat, "yeah?" he looked down at Clary.

"You wanna see the baby right?"

"Of course," he nodded looking between a confused Clary and unusually happy doctor.

"Alright, take this," the doctor scribbled on a piece of paper and handed it to Jace. "Go to the second floor. That is where the ultrasounds are done," she nodded and made her way out.

As Jace and Clary made their way to the second floor they didn't speak. He had assumed that she would bombard him with questions on how he felt or what he thought but she didn't and he was glad because he didn't really know how he felt except… happy and nervous. Jace didn't know if he was ready to be someone's dad but the time to decipher that had come and gone and he was whether he was ready or not.

When the elevator dinged to notify them they had reached the second floor, Jace hesitated. Clary stepped quickly and seemed to hold back when she didn't feel him move with he but her took her hand in his and walked out of the elevator right before the doors closed. "Are you O.K.?" Clary asked with a worried expression.

"Fine," he nodded and smiled. He knew she would see past it but he had to try. He just had so much going on in his head. Being here with her made everything about parenting come alive, before it was just an idea in his head. Now, it was real.

They sat again in a waiting room. Damn clinics and the waiting, it's maddening. Clary didn't dig anymore into whether he was O.K. or not and he was glad. She had to have known it was a lot for him. She had her nose stuck in another magazine, drinking the bottle of water they had instructed her to down quickly. He sat and picked at his nails until he heard the shuffling of paper and looked up to see Clary staring at him, "What?" he shrugged.

"Do you want to know?" she eyed him suspiciously

"Know what?"

"If the baby is a boy or a girl."

Oh damn, he hadn't thought about that yet. Did he want to know? Of course he did. Isn't that what all parents want to know? Ballerina or Quarterback, every parent wanted to know the answer to that question but it was a matter of when he wanted to know that Clary was implying. Did he want to know now or wait? "Um…"

"Because I do, but if you don't then I can wait," her eyes pleaded with him to have the same want that she did.

"Red, if you want to know then so do I," he smiled.

"No!" she sighed. "Don't do that. Do you actually want to know right now or do you want to wait?"

"Wait for when?" he shrugged. "Now or in another five months, either way we're gonna find out." Clary gave him the death stare and he leaned away from her somewhat. She actually scared him a little but he closed the space between them. "I want to know, yes. But, I'm pretty sure there's a boy in there," he pointed to her belly and smirked. Clary smiled and just as they were about to kiss her name was called.

They were led back by another nurse, no stopping for weight and height checks this time, to a room far back. It was dark inside and the only things in the room were an examining table and a confusing machine with lots of dials and a large screen. Turns out the person he thought was a nurse was actually the person who would be doing the ultrasound. She sat at the monster computer and instructed Clary to pull up her dress and then tucked towels underneath the edge of her dress and down inside her leggings so Clary's clothes didn't get any of the same goopy stuff Dr. Branwell used earlier on them.

"O.K. guys, I'm Lisa. I'll be taking pictures of your baby today. Before I start, do you want to know the gender of the baby?" Clary looked at him and smiled and they both nodded. "Good, let's get started."

Lisa first started by listening to baby's heartbeat again and took pictures of the umbilical cord. She moved around to get pictures of legs and arms and took measurements of everything. Finally she came to a stop and on the screen was a perfect profile of their baby, nose, fore-head, chin, the perfect face etched in what looked like the white fuzz on a T.V. screen. "We'll print that one," Lisa said and moved on. His heart hammered in his chest, there was a little person in there. He actually saw it with his own eyes, a real person. Not a something but a someone, someone he and Clary created, their someone. Jace watched as she furrowed her brow and looked hard at the screen, Clary wiggled uncomfortably, Jace figured it was because she had to pee. "Well guys, I'm trying but we seem to have our legs crossed and don't wanna show the goods," she looked at them apologetically.

Clary shrugged but he knew she was just a disappointed as he was. He wanted to know if there was a boy in there dammit! Lisa wiped Clary off and handed Jace the pictures she had taken. He looked them over again while they were led back to the waiting room. Lisa waved them off and they headed to the apartment. Jace made dinner and they talked happily over the pictures and griped about the fact that baby was being stubborn but neither were surprised since it was a trait baby seemed to inherit from them both. After dinner they lay down on the couch and popped in a movie but Clary fell asleep before it was even half over. Jace didn't want to wake her but felt a warning sign go off in his head. If he let her stay like he wanted to and he hurt her again, he would never forgive himself.

"Red," he whispered in her ear. The scent of lilacs, lavender and vanilla filled his nose and sent him reeling. She had her back to his chest and he felt her move ever so slightly but didn't wake. "Red," he murmured louder. Clary groaned and twisted in his arms, burying her face in his chest and wrapping her leg around his waist. He rested his lips atop her head and ran his fingers through her hair. If only everything in the world was right and fair. "Red, you should go."

Clary jerked back and her eyes widened. A smiled crept across her face. She grabbed Jace's hand and placed it flat on her stomach, "Do you feel it?" she asked.

At first he felt nothing. Clary moved his hand around until finally she found a spot where he could make out little barely there pokes against the palm of his hand. He could have missed it that's how faint it was but he didn't. In one day he heard, saw and felt his baby. There couldn't be a greater feeling in the world than this.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Justin: Baby, Baby, Baby Ooh<strong>_

_**Jace: Who the hell let him in here?**_

_**Clary: I did!**_

_**Justin: Baby, Baby, Baby OOOOOOH!**_

_**Jace: Out! Out! OUT!**_

_**Me: *snicker***_

_**alrighty ladies and gents! You know what to do...**_

_**Love it...**_

_**Hate it...**_

_**Review/Alert/Fave it...**_

_**Lets shoot for...295 reviews for the next chapter. The end is near...two chapter and an epilogue left then I'm back to work on Last Words.**_

_**a few things...check out these stories. I am Beta-ing them and I think they are VERY good and you will enjoy them. I do!**_

_**Character Protection Program~In The Fray**_

_**Elegant Script and Blue Pen~Krystalrose92**_

_**Trust Me~Sky-Blue-Eyes**_

_**READ THEM! REVIEW THEM! And VOTE VOTE VOTE! Very little time left to get your opinion in there.**_


	21. I need my best friend

**O.K. I decided 295 was a little high. So here is your next chpt. Don't hate me, trust in me for I am all that is wise and knowlegable...yeah O.K. its B.S. but i like to hear myself say it in my head. LMFAO! xoxoxoxo's to all my my FANTABULOUS reviews, you make my day and i love you all! :)**

************************__**I do NOT own any of these characters (BOOOOO), any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__************************

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><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

Clary stood in the center of her new exhibit, trying to figure out the best way to lay out her work. The light had to hit each picture perfectly for the true image to be seen. Many of her pieces were of Jace, others were of different landscapes and she even had a couple of statues that she had made. One was of something twisted and dark that signified all she had been through while she presumed Jace was gone. Another was one she made when he came home; during that short two weeks of happiness they were allowed. It was light, and represented everything she aspired her life to be again one day.

Clary heard a throat clear behind her. It instantly set a smile on her face because she hadn't expected Jace to visit her at work today. She turned and was about to speak when she was rendered speechless by the person standing in front of her. This person was not Jace and it sent a fury of emotions charging through her to see him standing there. She didn't know what to think, she didn't know what to say. There would have been a time when words wouldn't have had meaning, he would have known just by her reaction to seeing him that it probably wasn't a good time.

"Clary," he said quietly. His hands were dug into his pockets and his shoulders were hunched over. If Clary had to be honest…he looked like shit.

"Simon," she crossed her arms over her chest and a hard line set on her lips.

"Look, I know I shouldn't have come here to talk to you but, I didn't really have a choice. You weren't returning my phone calls and you're always with Jace. I need you alone, so you can hear me out."

"Why would I want to hear you out, Simon? I think things were left exactly where they needed to be the last time we spoke," she snipped. Clary saw that it hurt him and she felt her heart rip a little bit for it. This was Simon, her Simon and she had destroyed him.

"Please, Clary, listen because you're my best friend and we swore one day that we always would be. You remember the spit shake and the pinky swear?"

"Simon, we were twelve. I highly doubt the pink swear and spit shake trumps anything that has happened."

"They always do with Jace," he said sadly.

Clary sighed, Simon was right. It wasn't fair of her to change the rules between Jace and Simon. She had to admit, she missed Simon. It had bothered her that she couldn't call whenever she wanted to gush about the baby or to just have someone to cry to over the situation with Jace. Simon had always been that person for her and while she didn't have him to do it, she was internally going insane trying to deal with it all.

"O.K. Simon, I'll take my lunch so we can talk," Clary said, turning to shut off the exhibit lights then back to Simon. She could see the faint smile on his face as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"You're showing," he gestured to her little bump and his smile grew.

"Yup, I sure am. Not that you should care," she knew she was being unfair again but she felt he was being selfish. They walked to the nearest diner and sat at a quiet table.

"I love you, Clary. I would be a hypocrite to say that if I didn't also love everything that was a part of you," he stared at her when he said it. She knew he meant it. Simon never outwardly lied to her, he just…didn't tell her some things…like the fact that he was in love with her. "That was a cheap shot and you know it."

"You deserved it," she said quietly as she studied her menu.

"Always so stubborn," he shook his head. "I'm sorry if the things I said upset you, Clary. It wasn't meant to come out like that, although, I knew I was treading on dangerous water. I just, wanted you to know that you're not alone and I want what's best for you…and the baby."

"Hi guys, what can I get for you?" The waitress said, cutting into their conversation.

"Well, Si what's best for the baby and I is Jace. The fact that you would think otherwise is the problem," she said to Simon quickly then turned to the woman to her right, "I'll have a triple decker, please," she smiled as the waitress jotted it down.

Simon shut his menu, "I'll have the same." The waitress nodded and walked away. "I was looking at the long term, Clary," he continued, crossing his arms over the table. "If he hadn't gotten better…how would you have handled that? It's not like he would have been accepting of an almost wife and a baby he didn't even remember. I don't think you understand the seriousness of his condition sometimes. He remembers, and that is great but…he isn't one hundred percent himself and he may never be."

Clary didn't want to hear anymore. Simon was flat out getting on her nerves now. It may have been the hormones, she couldn't be sure, but she wanted to literally rip his head off. She had to bite her tongue to hold back the words that were scratching to spill out of her. She was pretty sure if she actually said them…Simon would never forgive her. Clary decided to go with a different approach.

"Simon," she sighed. "I love you, as one of my favorite people on this entire planet. I love you as one of my best friends. I miss you, and if you would just shut up and apologize we could get over this and move on. You're right. Jace isn't one hundred percent himself. I need someone to talk to. I need someone to hold me when I cry and tell me that it's going to be O.K. whether it's true or not. I need that person to be you because, besides Jace, you're the only other person I have let in and I need you to do these things for me. I know, I know," she had a hard time holding back her tears now because she was actually letting everything that has been going on with Jace hit her. "I'm being selfish and it's not always about me but I need my best friend, Si. I need you."

Simon sat there stunned by her plea. I wasn't what he expected from her at all. In fact, he had expected her to be stubborn until the very end. He expected that he had lost her forever. He wouldn't have blamed her. He realized just a little too late that he had acted like a complete asshat and he deserved whatever 'punishment' she felt necessary. The only time he had ever seen Clary this vulnerable was when she thought Jace was dead. He stood from his seat and moved to sit himself next to her, wrapping his arms around her tiny frame as if he were blocking out any type of harm that may come to her. He hated it, but he loved her.

"Shhh, Clare-Bear," he said as she sobbed into his chest. "You will get through it, you always do."

"I'm tired, Si. I'm tired of fighting."

"You may be tired, but if I know you, and I do; you'll never stop fighting for Jace. You always have and you always will. That's what you do when you love someone." His throat tightened when he said it because he wasn't just referring to Clary and Jace, but to Clary and himself. He would fight for her, even if it was just for her friendship. He had lived life without her, and short as it may have been, it was dreadful and he didn't want to have to live that again.

XXX

Jace lay on the single body velvet sofa with Henry perched in a chair in front of him. He wanted Clary here but Henry said it would be best if she weren't there. Jace thought otherwise but he wasn't the doctor, not matter how much he thought Henry was a quack. He had never pictured himself to be the type to be lying there spilling his inner most thought and fears to someone he barely knew but Henry said it was necessary for the treatment.

"Alright, Jace, when I count to three you will instantly fall asleep," Henry said, waving a circular object in front of Jace's face. "One…two…three." Jace's eyes fell shut and he was immediately spiraled into a dark twisting abyss. He didn't like it here. Clary wasn't with him in this place, although, he felt a deep connection to it. "Jace," he heard Henry's voice from far away.

"Yes."

"Where are you? Tell me what you see," Henry pushed.

Jace looked around, "I'm sitting on the ground. My body hurts and my ears are ringing. I feel like I'm pinned to a wall. There was an explosion," Jace took a ragged breath and allowed himself to look up. "My t-team, Will, Will was the one who approached the girl. He was the one who set off the bomb. He and James, they were too close. They never h-had a chance." His head started to pound from impact but he continued to scour the area. "They're all d-dead. Jordan! OH, GOD, JORDAN," he screamed, his heart pounded against his ribs.

"Jace, I need you to stay calm. Tell me more, tell me who Jordan is," Henry's voice again.

"Jordan is my wing- man, my right hand, m-my friend…all of them…friends…family. I hear a truck coming. Six of them get out, they see me. They know I'm alive. Two of them take me; they're binding my hands and feet. GOD, it hurts, my wrist is broken. It's dark, I…I don't know where I am anymore."

"Jace, I need you to focus. Give me something, anything. What do you see, smell, or feel?"

"It's hot, dry hot, but I can feel moisture coming from the walls. I'm underground. I smell blood and piss. It's the smell that wakes me. I can hear laughter in the distance, voices I don't recognize," Jace explained.

"Are they hurting you?"

"Not now but, they will. I know they will."

"What will they do?"

"They will beat me, whip me, drowned me. They give me little food and water, only enough to keep me alive."

"Can you get out?"

"No, I'm too hurt. I-I want Red. I WANT TO GO HOME. LET ME GO HOME TO RED!" He couldn't help but yell for her, he wanted her with him so bad.

"Jace, when I count to three you will wake up and remember everything you just saw, felt and heard….One, two , three," with a snap of Henry's fingers Jace was awake. When Jace sat up he realized he was drenched in sweat and his heart was moving at hyper speed. His muscles ached and his head pounded. "What do you remember, Jace?"

"I remember everything," he said flatly.

"Everything from your dream?"

"No…" Jace shook his head. "I remember everything. I remember school and…Red," he sighed, realizing just how much he had failed her the past couple of weeks. How could he possibly forget any moment with her? How could he forget her?

"This is good. The results are much better than I had expected. If you remember everything we won't have to do it again. What I'm going to do though, is prescribe sleeping medication. Your mind will work in overdrive now and prevent you from sleeping. I won't give you anything else until you show signs that more is needed. For now, I want you to talk to Clary. It seems to me that she is all you'll need to get through it. A strong support system is often the best medication. Tell her she can come home but tread softly; sleep in separate rooms at first. You don't know for sure what will happen when you're asleep so, give it a test run."

Jace wasn't sure but he took this as good news. Red could come back and he wasn't memory retarded anymore. "This is good…right?"

"This is very good," Henry nodded.

Jace left the office as quick as he could. He wanted to see Red and tell her the news. He couldn't get home fast enough. She should be home by now; she was off work an hour ago. When he got to the apartment building he did his usual. He checked for the spare key, got the mail, and greeted the landlord. The man still looked at him like he was seeing a ghost. He took the stairs three at a time and burst through the door. She wasn't anywhere to be seen. "Red," he called, searching the bedroom and spare room. "Red!"

"She isn't here," a voice called from the front door.

"Simon?"

"In the flesh," Simon shrugged.

"What are you doing here?"

"Clary asked me to stop by and get some things."

"Some things…what are you talking about? Where is she?"

"She's taking a break. She's exhausted, Jace."

"And you play into this how? Last I knew, you two weren't speaking," Jace's eyes zeroed in on Simon, scrutinizing his every move.

"I don't play into this at all. I went to see her to apologize. She came up with this on her own. Call her, she isn't avoiding you or leaving you or giving up on you, despite my advice but that's her and she…loves you. All I was told is she needs a break. Her and Izzy are havin' a movie night or something," Simon shrugged.

"I don't understand," Jace shook his head.

"You don't have too. She is female, we," he gestured between them, "are male. PLUS, she has massive amounts of hormones pumping through her body making her even more confusing. Just give her a night. She'll be back tomorrow I'm sure."

The only problem was she didn't come back the next day, or the day after that. She didn't return his phone calls or his texts and that wasn't something his Red did. He contemplated going to the museum but he didn't want to push her any further away than she already was. There was nothing he could do but wait and it killed him.

He slept well with the pills. The problem with that was, he couldn't sleep without them. He knew if Red were with him he wouldn't need them at all because she was his main concern now. It was like nothing he remembered held a candle to her not being there. When had he grown so dependent on her? He was Jace Herondale; he didn't NEED anyone…except her. He NEEDED her, he needed his Red.

XXX

"Get your ass up, Jace," Jace faintly heard a voice in his room and his eyes burned as the curtains were drawn back.

"Ouch, Simon, what the fuck?" Jace sat up and tried to block the sun with his hand.

"Get up! Get out of bed and go get her," Simon pushed.

"If she wanted to be here, she would be. I'm not going to beg her to be here. If she needs space then so be it," Jace sighed, letting himself fall back against his pillow.

"Jesus Christ! You two are so damn stubborn it makes my damn blood boil. Get up!"

Jace was irritated now. They both knew very well that Jace could beat the hell out of Simon without out even breaking a sweat and still Simon continued to push him. What the hell was Harry Potter so worried about it for? If Red decided she didn't want this anymore then all his dreams would come true. He wouldn't live to enjoy it but Jace would give him oh…a day or so. There was no such thing as being stubborn about it. Clary didn't want to be here so why bother?

"I'm sleeping, Simon. Go bother someone else."

"Jace, I swear to God if you screw this up somehow after everything that's happened I'll murder you in your sleep."

"So the truth comes out. You really do want me dead," Jace lazily turned his head in Simon's direction.

"No, Jace. I don't want you dead. I saw what it did to her the first time and I never want her to have to go through that again. What I want is for you to pull your head out of your ass and go get her. Snap her out of whatever self-loathing phase she is in and bring back the real Clary. I don't know what the problem is…you have to fix her. You're the only one who has ever been able to fix her. That's why she chose you."

Jace processed Simon's words for a minute, then peeled himself from the bed and headed for the shower. The little weasel was right for once. While she was exhausting herself trying to give him what he needed, he failed to do the same in return. Apparently she needed more than just mind blowing sex. Who would have thought? All jokes aside, he did need to find her and bring her home.

It was Friday, Red would be at work. He headed into the city, taking the train first and then the bus. He stood outside the building, contemplating his next move. Go in, or wait outside? He didn't have time to make up his mind because in the middle of his pacing and over thinking he heard a quiet, familiar voice.

"Jace?"

He looked up and was instantly met with a large pair of deep green eyes. It had only been three days but it was three days too many. He scooped her up and held her tight.

"We're going home," he whispered.

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><p><strong><em>Who thinks Simon is a good guy again? ME ME ME! I had to fix it...Simon and Clary can't be at odds. I'm sorry, I just don't like that. <em>**

**_No B.S. guys. THE LAST CHAPTER IS NEXT. Holy Sh*t can you believe it? I can't! But...for those of you who have been waiting patiently for me to update Last Words...wait for it...the next chapter is almost ready and will be up NEXT WEEK! (HOARDS OF SCREAMING FANS GO NUTS!) If you have somehow fallen off the face of the planet and have not read Last Words...you should, and when you have read it, review it because it would make me happy! ;)_**

**_When Last Words is finished I will Start another story called Wide Awake...so if you like my stories, watch for that one soon too!_**

**_THANK YOU ALWAYS TO MY FANTASTIC BETA...IN THE FRAY...I AM NOT WORTHY OF YOUR GREATNESS! 3_**

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	22. Live your life

_**Well, we've come full circle folks. This is the last chapter! Don't fret! There is an Epilogue that I will post as well. This will hopefully answer some of your unanswered questions. Again I love you all very much and thank you all for your encouragement for me to keep on with this story.**_

************************__**I do NOT own any of these characters (BOOOOO), any and all references to the books belongs to the WONDERFUL and AMAZING Cassandra Clare! However the creative idea for the story is mine and any and all changes or references to it must go through me.**__************************

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><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

Jace and Clary still hadn't talked about her stint of being gone for three days. He had hoped that she would open up and just deliver the information like she usually did. He never had to coax her into telling him things. It bothered him. She was staying back in the apartment now and he was sleeping on the couch, which was another problem in itself because he hated even being that far away from her. What Henry said was supposed to be a good thing and then POOF life changed for the worse.

What was he supposed to do? It was like she locked herself up and wouldn't come out of her shell. The only time he had seen her like this was when her dad died and he did NOT want to relive that. It had been two weeks…TWO WEEKS of this shit and Jace was sick of it. She continued to tell him everything was fine. He had told her about his appointment and how the hypnotherapy went. She seemed pleased and excited to be home but she still wasn't herself. Could all this really be blamed on pregnancy? If that was the case…they were NEVER having more kids.

She didn't even want to have sex which, for Clary, was odd. His only other thought was that there was someone else. What the fuck else would have her acting like this out of the blue? He couldn't take it anymore, Jace was ready to explode. Since he had gotten his full memory back he was finally given that desk job and working helped, but only so much. They got home at the same time, cooked dinner together, watched T.V. together and went to bed well, and she went to bed.

That evening when Jace got home he found Clary asleep on the couch. He knew she went to work; they had left at the same time. He crept over to her slowly, taking in the full image of her. She was wrapped in his Jets blanket with a piece of it pulled up by her nose, her hair lay in an array of vibrant red across the pillow and her body was in the fetal position. Only Clary could do that on a couch. He knelt down beside her and pushed her hair out of her face gently. He loved this woman so much it hurt; he couldn't believe she had stolen his heart when he was six. The thought made him laugh and it startled her awake.

"Hey, Sleeping beauty," he murmured. "Is everything O.K.?"

Clary half turned and smiled at him. She stretched and let out a big yawn. "Yeah, everything's fine. Jia sent me home because she said I looked like the walking dead," she giggled.

"The baby…" Jace trailed off.

"Fine too, awake now actually," she chimed pulling up her shirt to show her stomach. Amazing what a couple of week could do. He could not only feel, but see the baby move inside her now; it was a little creepy at first but still cool. Clary rolled onto her back and Jace leaned over her resting his hand on her tummy.

"Give your mom a break, football season is a few years away," he said. Clary laughed because when Jace spoke the baby just moved more. "Well, so much for having authority," he mumbled. Clary smiled and ran her fingers through his hair. He stared up at her still wondering what was going on in her head. It was irritating having to wonder, she always told him. She never held back and he felt like she was now. "You sure you're O.K.?"

"I'm fine, Stitches. I'm just tired. I haven't been getting a whole lot of sleep the past few weeks. The blanket helps though," she said rubbing her hand over it. "It smells like you."

This made Jace smile. He remembered the night of the party and his t-shirt. She was dependent on him then, too. He liked that, he liked feeling needed by her. He noticed then also, that she was wearing his shirt and a pair of his boxers. Even with the little belly she still had to roll them up to keep them from falling off. Jace's phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it out. He didn't recognize the number but had this inkling that it was important.

"Hello?"

"Jonathan Herondale?" a deep rough voice sounded on the other end.

"Yes."

"This is Major General Hodge Starkweather; do you have a moment to speak?"

"Of course, Major."

"Good, I wanted to call you personally and give you this information. I know it will not be easy for you, but I also want to express to you my deepest sympathies for the entire situation you and your family were involved in."

"Thank you, Sir," Jace knew why he was calling. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear what the Major had to say but he had no choice now.

"The man who was mistaken for you was…Jordan Kyle," Jace's heart sank into his stomach and his face fell. He knew Clary could see the change in him and at this, she sat up and gave him a worried look. "I know you two were close. He was your second in command and I am sorry for the loss."

"Um, th-thank you Major. I-I appreciate you calling me personally. It means a great deal coming from you."

"You're welcome, Jonathan. Please, let me know if there is anything you need. My door is always open for you."

"Thank you, Sir," and the line went dead. Jace sat dumb-founded and numb. He knew it was one of them but he hoped with everything in his that it hadn't been Jordan. That man was like a brother, he was Alec away from home. That thought made him miss Alec even more.

"Stitches," Clary whispered. "Is…is everything alright?" Her tone was soothing yet worried. She had already foreseen this outcome.

"You were right, Red. It was Jordan." Clary wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in. She knew it wouldn't be easy for him. "Red?"

"Yeah," she said pulling back to look at him.

"I need you to tell me what's going on in your head. Why won't you let me in? You've never shut me out completely before."

Clary sighed; this couldn't be that bad could it? "I'm scared, Stitches."

"Of what?"

"Doesn't it all seem like it's too easy. Like," she sighed again and ran her finger through her hair. "I don't know. One day you don't have all of your memories and you have nightmares that cause you to sleep attack me and the next you're all fixed…it's too easy. I'm afraid that I'll wake up and find out that it's just a dream. I'm afraid that something I do may cause something else to go wrong."

"Hey, hey," he said, grabbing her hands to calm her because she had started to fidget. He interlaced his fingers with hers, the way he always did and smiled at her. "You don't have to be afraid."

Clary sniffed and silent tears trickled down her face, "But I am and I hate it."

XXX

ONE WEEK LATER

It was the day he had been dreading since he received the phone call. Today Jordan would be laid to rest in his own plot. This was really the end for Jace now. It signified everything he wanted to forget, everything he wanted to remember, comrades he would miss dearly and a chapter of his life he could finally put to rest with him. He would miss Jordan, he did miss him, he missed them all but it was time and he was ready for it.

Jordan's body couldn't be shown. His sleek black casket sat in the front of the church with an American flag draped over it and flowers surrounding it. Pictures of Jordan with his family, friends, and of course Maia were scattered around the room. Clary stayed with Maia most of the day, reliving old memories and telling stories. Jace walked around the room examining all of the pictures with his hands tucked into the pockets of his dress pants. He found a picture that was the same as the one on his fridge. He could remember the day it was taken now. It was hot as hell, no surprise in Afghanistan, and they were playing football. Three on three, Jace, Will and Jem against Jordan, Eric and Gabe, Jace's team won, naturally.

As far as Jace knew, this would be a typical Military funeral. The Honor Guard would be present and Volley shots would be fired. He couldn't wait for it to be over. He just wanted to go home and wrap his arms around Clary and his baby and move on with his life. This situation was like a ghost, haunting him. It had gone from his dreams to his reality and he was over it. He would miss his friends, but life must go on and they wouldn't want him to dwell on it, or blame himself for what happened. He did, of course, blame himself but that was something he was working through.

He and Clary had a long conversation about it the night before and she scolded him for feeling guilty. She told him there was nothing he could have done to stop it and nothing he could do now to change it. He had to let it go and move on or it would continue to cloud his mind and he would miss life. He didn't want to miss life. He wanted to live it, with Red and the baby. He wanted to enjoy it. He didn't feel that those were bad things to want. He felt for the families of his lost friends but would they hate him for surviving? He had gone through hell to live, didn't he deserve it? Jace had been told over and over that he should consider himself lucky to have made it back, should he be? With all the guilt and hurt and remorse flowing through him, he wasn't so sure.

"You must be Jace," a soft quivering voice called behind him.

He turned to see who it was that addressed him. A tall, thin woman with sandy blonde hair and a black dress stood before him. He had never met this woman, didn't know who she was, but he had seen her in the pictures. "Yes, I am," he replied quietly, hanging his head as if in shame to acknowledge who he was, especially in this place. To his surprise, she smiled and a single tear rolled down her face. She extended her arms to him and closed the distance between them, embracing him tightly.

"I thought it was you. I'm so glad you came," she sobbed. She pulled back and wiped her tears away with a forced smile. "I'm Jordan's mother. He, a…he talked about you all the time."

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Kyle," Jace gave his own forced smile, not knowing how to act in front of her. It was awkward. Her son was mistaken as him and buried as him. How do you act around such a person?

"Call me Sara. Jordan said you were very close," she sniffed.

"Yes, we were. He was like a brother to me," Jace explained.

"I'm glad he had you there with him. It's comforting to know that he wasn't alone out there…that he wasn't alone when he…" she stopped, trying to hold back more tears.

"We were all there with him…Sara. I just wish…"

"No," she cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Don't do that. Don't blame yourself for what happened. I am so happy that you made it back. I want you to regret nothing and blame yourself for nothing. Jordan wouldn't want you to. He would want you to live a happy life, unburdened by all of this. So that's what you do. Live your life and be happy. That is the best way you can give back to them. It's what you would want them to do, right?" Jace nodded. "Then do it," she hugged him one last time, patted his shoulder and left him there, alone, with the pictures.

They were all called to be seated and the minister said his prayer. Family and friends were offered the opportunity to come up and speak about favorite memories or just to tell the gathered masses about Jordan himself. Jace sat stiff in the pew. He knew he should say something, anything, but he was at a loss for words. He felt that if he didn't say something, as the last person who saw Jordan alive, that he was doing him a great injustice. Jace sighed inwardly and stood slowly. He was usually a great public speaker, a natural, but this…he hated this.

"I am Jace Herondale. Jordan was like a brother to me, the first time we met was on base in Germany and there was no other way to describe our feelings toward one another but to say we weren't fond of each other. We were rivals, pitted against one another and they made it known. To top it off, they put us in the same barracks," he chuckled. "Our first night there, we got into an argument and I'm not even sure what it was about anymore, something completely irrelevant but because of our situation it was escalated and we ended up taking shots at each other. When our commanding officer found out, we were assigned to bathroom duty and for those of you who don't know, scrubbing toilets with a toothbrush isn't fun and they were men's bathrooms no less. It was while scrubbing these porcelain treasures that we hashed out our differences and formed an unbreakable bond. I had his back and he had mine. I will miss you dearly my friend, my brother, and all of my team," Jace sat as he felt a lump swell in his throat and Clary gave him a supportive smile, locking her fingers through his.

After the service, they went out to the cemetery where Jordan was put to rest in his real plot. The minister finished with a salt cross at the head of the casket and the volley shots were fired. Each one sliced through him like a knife. This was the end of one of the most horrifying times of his life but it also brought an end to a family. He would never forget them. Those five men would be etched in his memory forever and the bond they shared would go down in history as one of the strongest ever shared between men.

The ride home was quiet. Neither of them spoke, everything that needed to be said was heard through the silence. Their hands locked over the shifter and Clary's other hand cradled her tummy. Jace's mind raced. So many thoughts probed his head that he had a hard time concentrating on one. There were three things he was completely sure of. The first, he was alive and he wasn't going to feel guilty for that anymore. Second, the girl next to him deserved his best and he was going to spend the rest of his life giving that to her. Third, he was going to be someone's father and he would raise his son or daughter to live life to the fullest in the most honorable and respectable ways.

When they reached the apartment, they trudged upstairs lazily. Jace knew Clary was tired and would probably be out the moment her head hit the pillow. Funerals tend to take a lot out of people. She made her way to the bedroom right away and Jace sat on the couch. He loosened his tie and kicked off his shoes. He stood to remove his pants and it was then that Clary came back, dressed in one of his t-shirts and a pair of his boxers. She reached her hands up to his collar and began unbuttoning his shirt. When she finished, she slid the shirt over his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. All his clothing lay in a heap at his feet. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled herself to him, resting her cheek on his chest.

Jace kissed the top of her head and ran his fingers through her silky curls. He took in her scent and how she felt. He couldn't believe he had ever forgotten those things because it was those little things that he loved the most. She looked up and locked him in place, her eyes burning deep into him. He cupped her cheeks between his hands and kissed her lightly. He had lost so much but he was grateful that she wasn't one of those things.

"Come on," she whispered, taking his hands in hers and leading him away from the living room.

"Bu…"

"Shhh," she pressed her finger to his lips, "Everything will be fine. WE will be fine," she murmured. He let her lead him into the bedroom where she plopped herself down on the bed and patted the empty space beside her. Jace lay down in the spot directed by Clary and they faced one another. He could see the smile on her face even in the dark. She reached over and ran her thumb along his cheek bone. "I love you Jonathan Christopher Herondale. I will always love you. And that's how I know we are gonna be O.K."

Jace scooted closer to her and scissored his legs with hers. He pressed his forehead against hers and sighed, "I love you too, forever and ever and ever and ever," he smiled and heard Clary giggle. She was right…everything would be just fine.

_**The End**_

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><p><em><strong>Jace: It's over?<strong>_

_**Me: Um...kinda**_

_**Jace:Baby?**_

_**Me: Epilogue...Duh!**_

_**Jace: Oh! O.K. I was about to be pissed at you for these people!**_

_**Me: *Rolls eyes* I wouldn't leave them hangin like that...faith!**_

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	23. Epilogue

**A shout out to all of you who voted for 'Don't Cry' in the 3rd Energize W.I.P. Awards. It placed 2nd! Woop! Woop! You guys are truely amazing! Thank you all for following along with Red and Stitches on their journey!**

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

FOUR MONTHS LATER

"Stitches," Clary called from the bathroom. Jace heard her but it was Sunday and the Jets were playing. He and Alec were completely enthralled in the game. She was supposed to be taking a shower. "Stitches!" she snapped louder.

"You better get in there before she rips your dick off," Alec motioned with his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the bathroom.

"Yeah, yeah," Jace said, pushing off the couch to make his way to the bathroom.

"I'm just saying, pregnant women are temper mental and she's not just a pregnant woman, she's a pregnant Clary," Alec shrugged.

"Yes, because you've been around SO many pregnant women, Alec," Jace chimed, completely annoyed with his best friend.

"I'm ju…"

"Yeah Alec, I know. You're just saying…thanks," Jace smiled sarcastically and stalked to the bathroom.

"JACE," Clary yelled just as he pushed through the door.

"What? Good Lord, I'm here. What's your deal?"

Clary sat on the toilet with a towel wrapped around her still tiny frame. Her hair hung wet against her shoulders and she stared up at him with a fiery vengeance. Jace leaned against the door with his arms crossed over his chest waiting for her to answer him but she seemed almost at a loss for words. Whatever her ordeal was, she wasn't sure how best to describe or handle it.

"I'm incredibly grossed out right now and I'm not sure what the hell just happened," she said shaking her head and waving her hand in the air.

"Well, explain it. That would help a lot. I mean if you don't have an arm or a leg hanging out of your crotch how bad could it be?" She stared up at him incredulously. He didn't see how it could be that bad if parts of the baby weren't hanging out.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."

"What?" he shrugged.

"I seriously have green, boogery shit coming out of me, Stitches," she said through gritted teeth.

"And…"he said slowly raising an eyebrow

"And I have no idea what it means," she yelled.

"And I do?" he laughed gesturing to himself with his hand.

Clary's head fell back and she sighed, "Stitches," she whined.

"Alright, alright," he said uncrossing his arms to close the short distance between them. He knelt down in front of her, placing his hands on her legs and smiled. "I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation as to why your crotch has a sudden case of the common cold, any coughing, itching or sneezing? Because if there is I could go get some Nyquil, it helps when I have a cold."

"Jace," she hissed.

"Come on, you know it was funny. I have no idea why your vagina is running. Call your mom, call my mom, or call the doctor. Don't freak out until you have reason to. I mean, you bleed for seven days and live through it so, this can't be life threatening or anything. It's a damn booger," he shrugged. "The doctor was messing around up there so maybe it's something she did. Get dressed and call someone." Jace pushed the towel aside to show just her belly and placed both his hands on the basketball sized bump, "quit playing around in there and stop freakin your mom out. You don't have to deal with her yet," he murmured. He felt jabs on his left hand and pecked her tummy quickly.

"You're so not funny," Clary shook her head with a stern look on her face.

"Oh, but I am and you love it," he smirked and stood giving her a quick chaste kiss on her forehead before returning to the game.

"So what happened," Alec asked.

"Her crotch has a cold," Jace answered.

"A what?"

"Never mind, you don't really want to know anyway," Jace waved him off.

Clary came out of the bathroom dressed in one of Jace's t-shirts and sweatpants with her phone attached to her ear. "It's a what?" he heard her say. "A mucus plug…and its normal?" her voice went up an octave when she said it. Just as he suspected, she freaked out for nothing. Jace and Alec finished watching the game while Clary locked herself in the bedroom talking to…one of their mother's.

After Alec left, Jace decided he should probably get in the loop with the booger situation. He was kind of hoping she was in the mood to play teeter-totter but to his dismay, when he entered the bedroom Clary was asleep. He crept over to the bed, pulling of his shirt and kicking off his jeans. He climbed in next to her and wrapped his arm around her.

"Don't get too comfortable," she mumbled sleepily into the pillow.

"Why?" he whispered into her ear.

"Because," she shot up and hopped off the bed, "I have to pee," she finished running to the bathroom.

Jace was ready for this shit to be over. The last month and a half have been miserable, for both of them. Clary was uncomfortable…all the time and he didn't blame her, she barely had enough room for herself in that tiny body let alone another person. She was damn near impossible to please, all the ice cream runs in the middle of the night didn't please her. She tossed and turned all night and had to pee all the time. He wanted that baby out so normal Clary would come back. Clary returned, pulling her hair back into a pony tail. He hated it when she did that but she was hot all the time too so he decided it was best to keep his mouth shut.

"Better now?" he asked, propping his head up on his elbow.

"Mmm, for another hour or so," she replied sitting down on the bed to finish her hair.

"Good," he said, reaching for her and pulling her back to him, "should be enough time."

"Enough time for what?"

"To coax the baby out," he smirked and positioned himself on top of her.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes," he leaned in and kissed her. He moved his lips along her jaw line and made it to her ear, "I am serious," he whispered.

"Stitches, I am tired and fat and uncomfortable, and to top it all off I have boogers coming out of my vagina. How is that in any way attractive?"

"I didn't see it. As far as I'm concerned, the fact that you have green shit coming out of you doesn't matter as long as it's not contagious and seeing as it is a symptom in pregnant women, I'm good. And you're not fat you're pregnant, there is a difference. I happen to like the belly, thank you very much. PLUS…"he pulled back to look at her, "sex can help induce labor so the way I see it, I'm doing us all a favor," he smiled wide.

"It's hard to breathe the way it is, Stitches," clary whined.

"Are you really denying sex right now?" He knew with enough coaxing she would forget about all of her reasons for saying no. He rubbed his lips lightly against hers while his hand dipped under the fabric of her pants. He could work wonders with just his fingers, "six weeks before we get to do this again, Red, six whole weeks." Just as he suspected, all pieces of clothing were gone within minutes. He had never had to work that hard for sex in his life.

He got some in the shower that next morning too. He was pretty sure now that he was being used as a vaginal probe to induce labor, either way he wasn't complaining. Clary made breakfast while Jace assembled the crib. There are too many parts, all for someone the size of watermelon to sleep in, probably a small watermelon at that. He heard something in the kitchen, silverware banging against the counter and Jace rushed into the kitchen to find Clary doubled over the counter.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, placing his hand on the small of her back.

Clary sucked in a couple of deep breaths and rocked her hips back and forth, "I'm pretty positive that was a contraction," she replied breathily. When she stood erect she felt a warm sensation run down her leg and a small splash when it hit the floor. "And…my water just broke." Jace stood still staring at her for a minute, letting it register completely.

"I guess sex really does work," he smirked.

"Yup, O.K. first clean pants and then we need to start timing them," she ordered.

It was a slow process; contractions didn't start getting consistent until around two in the morning. Clary didn't get admitted until around four and the doctor didn't show up until Clary was damn near ready to push. Jace stood back in awe and watched as they poked and prodded Clary, needles here and monitors there, all of which had a different purpose. There was a band wrapped around her belly to monitor contractions, some type of wire was attached to the baby's head to monitor the heart-beat. Clary refused any pain medication but they still had to start an I.V. in case something went wrong.

Jace had never been so nervous. He hated seeing them hook her up to that shit like she was in some sort of torture chamber. He bit his nails so far down that they bled and was actually glad when Jocelyn and his mother arrived. They both greeted and hugged him but made him sit down after they settled in, saying he looked like a ghost. He thought Clary was doing surprisingly well, she didn't scream or yell but he could tell she was in more pain then she let on and he didn't like seeing her like that.

Contractions are like period cramps only about a hundred times worse. During labor they can spread into your back and cause back labor, which is what happened for Clary. She tried so hard to be strong, she didn't want to cry but it hurt SO badly. The pain was coming faster and stronger each time and she just wanted it to be over. Jocelyn rubbed her back while Celine rubbed her belly and Jace came over, locking their hands together.

"Tell me when it hurts," he whispered, kissing her lightly on the forehead. She nodded and closed her eyes, letting her cheek rest atop his hand. With each contraction she squeezed. Clary had never, in a million years thought she could break any of Jace's bones but this, this changed all those thoughts. She could see the purple marks on the back of his hand where she was digging her fingernails in.

"I want this baby out, Stitches. I want the baby out, NOW!"

"I know, Red," he tried to soothe her but it wasn't helping. He didn't know what to do besides…never get her pregnant again. Seemed like a good idea to him.

The doctor finally came back at six to check the dilation of Clary's cervix. "Clary, do you feel like you need to push?" Dr. Branwell asked. Clary nodded and took in a deep breath of air. "Good because you're at ten." A nurse pushed up a chair for the doctor and the bottom of Clary's bed shifted down away from her body. It was like it just fell off but was still attached somehow. "Pull your legs up Clary. Each mom take a leg and help. Now push when you feel a contraction, Clary. Hold in until the nurse reaches ten."

Each ten second span was the longest ten second that both Jace and Clary had ever lived through. Clary pushed for fifteen minutes before the doctor called Jace over to show him the top of the baby's head. First, he didn't know if this should be cool or gross, he decided on cool because that was his baby. Second, he didn't know if she should be wierded out by the fact that he was the only guy in the room or relieved since it was his fiancé being aired in front of the world. He settled on just leaving that one alone. "I want one really good push, Clary. Then the head will be out."

It burned, it burned a lot. Clary had decided that she was never having more babies after this. One was enough and she didn't want to have to go through this again. She had never felt a physical pain like this before. Of course, something good was coming of it but, once was enough. The baby's head was out, she could feel it and the doctor told her to lay back and take a quick break. It was clearly a very quick break because only a minute later she was urging for Clary to push again.

One last big push and a pinkish purple baby lay in front of the doctor. "It's a boy!" Dr. Branwell chimed happily. She placed the baby on Clary's chest quickly allowing her to see him. Both she and Jace teared up. Clary kissed the baby and took in the sweet scent of his skin.

Jace kissed her temple and whispered, "I didn't think it was possible to be any more in love with you, I was wrong." After that he was called over to cut the cord and watched while they cleaned baby up. They stuck a blue cap on his bald head and wrapped him in a white baby blanket. A nurse picked him up and handed him straight to Jace. He had never held such a small baby. He made his way back to Clary slowly. She smiled and a tear ran down her cheek. Jace perched himself next to her on the bed and looked from her to their little boy, "Jordan William Herondale. What do you think, Mom?"

Clary reached up to push the blanket away from the baby's face. He had Jace's nose and the shape of Clary's eyes. "It's perfect, just like him," she whispered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Jace: A BOY! SaWeet!<strong>_

_**Me and Clary: *Rolls eyes* Men**_

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_**To my fan-tabu-mazing Beta, In The Fray, I love you! **_

_**To any of you interested, I have created a Facebook page for those who don't have Tumblr and I will post updates on new stories and any information from current ones on both those pages. A banner was created for 'Don't Cry' and I have posted it on those pages as well. Again Thanks! and Love to you all!**_

_**XOXO Livybug**_


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